Category Archives: Adulthood

Coming-of-age, courtship, marriage, weddings

Donna Maria’s Enchanted Gardens (Sawfar)

My informant is a family member in Lebanon that has lived in the mountains for her entire life which plays a large role in this important narrative that has “become part of her identity forever.”

Narrative:

Wedding at Donna Maria Sursock Gardens

My informant states that they “lived in a village named Sawfar, far into the mountains of Lebanon. Although, it wasn’t different to many other villages, on top of our mountain stood a castle that belonged to our beloved Donna Maria.” The woman who was known to be “the most generous and beautiful of all” lived in a small castle built by her husband, Albert to live out her fairytale dreams. However, after the passing or disappearance of the family for some unknown reason, the castle was “torn apart by the militia in 1975 and left in ruins.” My informant describes her childhood on the open castle grounds as magical and “some of the best moments of [her] life” even in it’s fractured state. After many years, weddings had begun to take place in the castle gardens and some describe “seeing Donna peering from the balcony, sending her wishes to the newlyweds and then it became a tradition, blessing each couple that keeps her memory alive.” The music of the weddings “erupted through the valleys, filling the mountains with the magic of Donna’s castle” However, the informant describes playing in the grounds once as a child and revealing part of the house that had been covered, “it was a dungeon filled with unknown bones. Nobody had known until [she] found it and it became a horror, even Donna may have had a darkness to her and skeletons in her basement”. 

Context:

She states that this became known to the entire village but the weddings never stopped, because it would tamper the ‘magic’ that Donna had given them. Her story and castle history was passed on for generations as children were even brought to learn about Donna and her past as “she is a vital part of Sawfar history” It has become an integral part of her family history and her children’s lives as she says “even though I never met Donna, her descendants and their ground are a big part of my upbringing in making me the person I am today” The castle is not only grounds for the descendants of Donna Maria but the rest of the village to enjoy and pass the joy that the bricks and gardens brought to others.

Analysis:

The narrative that my informant presents seems to be a pivotal part of her upbringing in the village as she had lived through most of the experiences at the Donna Maria castle. The element of the fairytale castle on top of the mountain allowed Donna and her family to thrive and incorporated that into the village. When the story was described, the informant said she passed it on to her children and brought them to the castle grounds to experience it. This allows the children to gain a sense of what their heritage is and a glamorized version of a story such as a castle encourages the learning of their culture and gain a patriotic view of their country and specifically the village. Adults are able to have a stable grounding in their village, even in unfortunate circumstances such as wars and attacks on their homes, they are able to look to the withered castle, with so much mixed history, and see it still standing. The castle represents the hope of what their village was, what it still is and what it will continue to be as the beauty of the story and the gardens is presented to residents of the village, their descendants and tourists who hope to see the history of what brought this village together. The ‘ghost’ of Donna Maria symbolises the blessing of eternal life, especially for married couples and children that still have growth to come as they not only learn about her beauty but also the dungeons that lie beneath her gardens. At times when married women struggled with events in their lives, they regret not getting married at the blessed grounds and being led by Donna who seems to have been viewed not only as a privileged woman but a queen atop the village that was a guiding light in the darkness of wars in Lebanon. Even after all the trials and tribulations that the entire country experienced, Donna’s damaged castle stood as a landmark in the people’s hearts and identities.

Generational Fire

CONTEXT: DM is a current USC student who attended a North Carolina Christian sleep-away camp in the summer of 2011. This is a story that she heard from an elderly woman named Libby. Libby had been raised at the camp, was head of camp for a number of years, and taught Bible Study and Devotional at the camp. DM interprets this story as a personal story based on the region of North Carolina that Libby was from. Different from many of Libby’s other stories, DM does not believe this was explicitly religious in theme.

TEXT:
This was a story that was said to be sort of local, in the area where I went to this summer camp. It was said to be from a long, long time ago, but in these same hills. Like, back when white people, I guess, first came to these hills. And it’s a story about this tiny village and there are these two young people – this young couple – that falls in love and decides to get married. The boy was learning new skills and working overtime so he could afford to buy the things, like the wedding dress and buy the food for the feast, and have a pig ready when the time comes, so they could kill it and roast it and give it to everybody. He was making all these preparations to get his own stuff and learn how to build a cabin because their dream was to go off into the woods and go away together and build a cabin in the woods. She was bartering things so she could get the best white wool to spin her dress with and she spent months and months sewing
her dress together so it would be perfect. The day comes and everything goes wonderfully, and they get sent off into the woods and basically pack up their two backpacks worth of belongings and set off into the woods together. Their first night in the woods they’re along and cold but they were together, and they were so, so happy. And he chops up some wood and builds a fire for her as his first gift of their marriage. They sleep next to the fire and the warmth from the fire and the warmth from their love is what kept them warm. So, the next morning, when they got up to leave to go find a place to build their cabin, the husband scooped up all of the live coals and put them in this pot that he was gifted – this cast iron pot. And she carried around the ashes and coals from the fire all day, and then as soon as they got where they were going, he would start a fire with these coals and then would continue on like that. And the story is for five generations somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains this fire has been kept going by their daughters, their daughters’ daughters, their daughters’ daughters’ daughters, and they keep this one fire going with the original coals and ashes from the people who found this new place to settle down.

ANALYSIS: This story uses a common symbol of embers/coals/fire as a representation of love. If the love of the young couple is represented in this way, both the relationship and the fire are undying, resulting in new fires, and generations of children. The couple nurtures the fire together, with the husband building the fire and collecting the coals, and the wife nurturing the coals during the day as they walked. This could be representative of the life they built together, lasting long after they were gone. The foundational fire and foundational love that they had set them up for future success in their posterity and survival of the fire itself.

Dia de los Muertos

The informant talks about how important the Dia de los Muertos celebration was for his family. Normally celebrated from November 1st to 2nd but there are sometimes extra days based on location in Mexico the person is from. Dia de los Muertos celebrates the dead by preparing a feast and all their favorite toys, meals, and so much more. This preparation thus invites the souls of the dead to be with their family. The first day would celebrate any children that the family had lost, and so candy, juices, and toys would be put out on the altar. The second day would be to celebrate the elderly, so they put out conchas, food, beer, a basket of fruits, and other things they might have been known to love.The third day would be to celebrate anyone in between who had died,  where family and friends would add anything left to add, decorate the tables, with colors like orange, red, green, yellow, pink and so much more. The informants also stated that they would include edible sugar skulls as decorations and a pastry called Pan de Muerto.  This is a big bulbous loaf of bread, shaped with knots with the round ball at the top and a cross intersecting that.  Marigolds were bright orange, meant to guide the souls of the dead back to their homes that scattered the altar. 

The informant emphasized that the reason the holiday celebration was so important is because everyone within the family would head over to help decorate, or just be there as a family and talk. They would all remember the deceased and talk about the memories they shared of them that would help to bring them closer together.  When the celebrations were over, everyone would be able to dig in and eat the food. The informant added that they never put pictures despite the big depiction and representation of having pictures on the altars because of poverty in Mexico and lack of cameras in Mexico. Thus the memory of their dead loved ones would live on in their memory. 

It seems to me that the importance of family is crucial to this holiday celebration as it commemorates any family member dead or alive. It takes a different take on the dead of ghostly stories and instead expects the souls of their dead ones among them, with only love and remembrance felt at the celebration. A small part of this is similar  to the concept of contact magic as they use food and toys that they used to love in their life, but it is not directly in contact with them. Additionally, symbolism such as the pan de muerto where the ball or knot at the top is meant to represent the skull and the cross is meant to represent the bones from their bodies. The holiday is very cyclical and falls at the same time of the year to have a dedicated time to commemorate any loved ones that have been lost. 

Philippine Debut

Text: 

On her 18th birthday, a Filipino girl is usually expected to have a debut ball.

Context:

The informant is my maternal grandmother, who was born and raised in the Philippines, and still continues to live there. She celebrated her debut in 1956. For her, the ceremony was a special and important occasion that allowed her to celebrate her birthday with friends and family members in a grand and unforgettable manner.

Analysis:

In Filipino culture, the debut represents a coming of age ritual. Since the age of adulthood for Filipino girls is 18, the debut is held on their 18th birthday. The debut holds a significance similar to the Quincenera (age 16)  for Mexican and other Latin American cultures as well as the sweet sixteen for some North American cultures. As in most coming of age rituals, the celebration marks the crossing of the threshold between childhood and adulthood, and in this specific case, childhood to womanhood. After the debut, the debut celebrant is recognized by her society as an adult woman.

Wedding Bells – Irish wedding rituals

Text:

KT: “This is a wedding tradition that mostly comes from my dad’s side of the family [Irish heritage], but I did it at my wedding and I believe my mother did it at her and my father’s wedding too. So, after me and your dad left the church, all the guests rang little silver bells that were passed out before the ceremony. Bells are said to ward off evil spirits and bring good luck in a marriage. They also rang the church bells too if I remember correctly, which is pretty normal for church weddings. The guests got to keep the bells and they rang them as we can in for the reception too which was really pretty. I really liked that.”

Me: “Where did you learn about this wedding tradition?”

KT: “I learned about it from my parents, I think. Like I said, I think they did something similar at their wedding. Your grandmother isn’t Irish, but your grandfather is, so they incorporated some Irish traditions into the wedding. I think he must have learned it from his family because I think I remember my mom saying my uncle did the same thing at his wedding too.”

Me: “Do you know what generation American you are?”

KT: “Yes, so my dad’s dad came from Ireland. That means my grandfather and grandmother, which would make me a 2nd generation American, I think. So, I guess that tradition is probably pretty popular in Ireland, at least in our family. I don’t know anyone in Ireland, from our family or otherwise, so I don’t really know. It’s funny too because I don’t think my sister or brother did it at their ceremonies, I can’t really remember, but they both got married first, and my mother was insistent that I do it. My dad passed when I was three months old, but you know, my mom remarried, so I was the last of her kids from my real dad. I think that’s why she really wanted me to do it since I was the last one from that side of the family.

Me: “Did you incorporate any other family or cultural traditions into your wedding?”

KT: “Well we had a Catholic wedding ceremony, which has specific things to complete the Sacrament of Matrimony. I don’t know if we really have any other specific family traditions. Well, I guess besides the bells, that’s kind of a tradition now.”

Me: “Did it feel important to connect to your Irish heritage, and in a way your dad?”

KT: “Yeah, it was nice. I never really knew him, only my stepfather, so doing something like that I like to think my dad would have appreciated it. My stepfather was Irish too, so we still did a lot of Irish things and such growing up, but it was special because my real dad did it at his wedding.”

Context: KT is a 59 year old from California. She is of Irish decent. This wedding celebration was passed down to her from her parents, and she is unsure of how far back the tradition goes in her family, but it is a very popular wedding tradition in Ireland. She told me this story in-person, and I recorded it to transcribe.

Analysis: This is a relatively common Irish tradition, one that has influence in even non-Irish weddings. As my informant mentioned, even churches for non-Irish ceremonies have a practice of ringing the church bells after the ceremony is concluded. This Irish tradition has been acculturated into a religious tradition as well, in part, likely due to the strong religious ties in Ireland. This practice is directly linked to folk legends of fairies and spirits in Ireland, as the bells are to ward off evil spirits that could cause strife for the celebrations or the new couple. It is also important to note that this tradition was encouraged by KT’s mother to connect KT to her heritage and her father, even though it is not a practice from her culture [KT’s mother is Russian]. She wanted KT to connect to her culture and the important cultural practices. It was also a way that KT was able to remember her father and have a link to him on a very important day in her life, one that is centered around family. KT also mentions that she got married in a Catholic church, and in doing so, took part in the Sacrament of Matrimony. This is a religious tradition, which has its own set of specific rites that are completed. To receive this sacrament, certain things must be completed by the bride and groom, no matter what cultural background they are from, since it is purely religious in nature.