Author Archives: Adrian Hernandez

Joke – Mexican

Joke – Betting

Es que era una mujer lista vien lista y se caso con su esposo y ella siempre le ganaba al hombre. Si iban a las carreras de caballo, ella se fijaba a cual el iba apostar. Y el apostaba a uno y ella al otro y el vato diario perdia y ella diario ganaba. Iban a las peleas de gallo, ella se fijaba que el apostaba al rojo y ella apostaba al verde. Entonces ella diario se llebaba todo el dinero que el perdia. Y entonces dice “¿Como le aré ganar a esta mujer yo?” y va con su compadre y le dijo “Esta mujer a todo me gana. Mira le juego a los caballos, me gana. Le juego a los gallos, me gana.” Y el compadre dice “Yo se en que le ganas. Mira juegale a ver quien cuelar mas lejos una miada. Tu sabes un hombre la cuela lejos y una mujer que tanto la va colar, ¿verdad?” Dice okay y va con la mujer y dice “Hora si vieja, te juego todo mi dinero contra el tuyo, no me importa cuanto sea.” Y la mujer le dice “No le hace. A lo que tu quieras alcabo tu nunca ganas a mi.” “Okay vamos a jugar ver quien puede colar mas lejos una miada. Orale tu, primero las damas.” No que se sienta y hasta un chiflido se hecho y la colo un metro. Y luego le dice “Ahora sigues tu.” Y luego se la saco y se la quiso agarrar y dice “¡Sin trampa! ¡Yo no me la agarre!” Se la solto y se mio los zapatos. ¡De todos modos perdio!

She was smart woman, very smart and she married her husband and she would always win against the man. If they went to the horse races, she would note which he would bet on. He bet on one and she on the other and the man always lost and she would always win. They would go to cockfights, she would see that the he bet on the red one and so she would bet on the green one. She would always take all the money that he would lose. And then he says “What must I do to beat this woman?” and he goes with his good friend and says “this woman wins me at everything. Look we bet on horses, she wins. We bet on roosters, she wins.”  And the friend says “I know in what you can beat her in. Look, bet to see who can strain a urine farther.  You know a man strains it far away and a woman, there’s only so much she can strain it, right?” He says okay and goes with the woman and says “Okay woman, I’ll bet all my money against yours, it does not matter to me how much it is.”  And the woman says “It doesn’t matter.  Whatever you want since you never win against me.”  “Okay we are going to bet on who can strain a urine further.  Alright you’re up, ladies first.”  She sits down and let out a little stream and it went a meter.  And then she says “Now its your turn.”  And then he whips it out and when he was about to grab it… “No tricks! I didn’t grab myself!”  He lets it go and pisses all over his shoes.  Regardless he still lost!

Alfredo says this was a joke that was shared amongst a group of friends while drinking. He says that this joke depicts that sometimes women can really be smarter than men. He also notes that it wasn’t just the woman’s smarts that allowed her to completely own the man in gambling, luck also has a part to it. There is no way she could have known the horse or chicken he chose were going to lose. Those are just a matter of bad luck and eventually things would even out.

I agree with him to an extent. Luck definitely was not on the side of the man. He lost at everything even though he was the one choosing his bets. However, since the women was very keen when gabling against the man, as seen in the last bet, she had a major psychological advantage. The man had no idea how to beat her thus not being able to analyze his picks correctly and only thinking about beating the women.

I noticed that the man was willing to wage all of his money against the woman’s when he felt he had a sure-fire way of winning against the woman. This shows how the man must be the one with the money in the relationship in Mexico. He is the one that is supposed to bring home the money and the woman is supposed to take care of the kids. Maybe the man felt his pride being depleted when the woman was winning and bringing home all the money he was losing.

Also the use of the male and female sex organs in the final bet show another instance of the gender superiority that goes on in Mexico. The man had no idea what to do in order to defeat the woman so he is told to resort to his penis, his manhood. Even that was not enough to outsmart and defeat the woman.

Also the notion of the number ‘3’ appears in the joke. It wasn’t until the third bet where the man was truly embarrassed and outsmarted.

Joke – Mexican

Joke – Mouse in a Pocket

Llego un señor bien triston a la cantina, verdad, a tomar se un pinche vino. dice “Dame dos vinos uno grande y un chiquito.” Y luego ya que le dio dos shots, se hecho el vino grande por la boca y luego se hecho el chiquito a la bolsa. Y luego dice “Ese viejo esta loco. ¿Como que se hecha uno a la boca y otro a la bolsa? Yo le voy a sacar la verdad.” “Dame otros dos vinos uno grande y uno chiquito.” Y luego ya se hecho su vino grande a la boca y el otro se lo hecho a la bolsa de la camisa. Ya el cantinero estaba enojado pos porque no le dicia nada. Dice “Deme otro vino vien grandote y uno vien chiquito.” Y el grande se lo hecha a la boca y el chiquillo se lo hecha a la bolsa. Y luego ya que el cantinero empeso “Ahh pinche viejo boracho vas a ver. No me quieres decir que traes.” “Sabe que pinche cantinero, chinga a su madre!” y entonces salio el ratonsito de la bolsa y dice “si tiene gato, digale que chingue a su madre tambien!” Tienia un ratonsito en la bolsa, era el que se estaba tomandose el otro vino.

A man arrived very sad to the tavern, right, to drink a damn shot. He says “Give me two shots one large and one small.”  And after he got the two shots, he drinks the large shot and dumps the small shot in his pocket.  And then the bartender says “That old man is crazy.  Why is he going to drink one shot and dump the other in his pocket?  I am going to get the truth from him.”  “Give me another two shots, one large and one small.”  And then he drinks the large shot and dumps the small one into his shirt pocket.  Now the bartender was getting angry because the man wouldn’t give him a reason. He says “Give me another shot, one really big one and one really small one.”  And then the drinks down the big and and dumps the small one into his pocket. And then the bartender says “Ahh damn drunken old man you are going to see. You don’t want to tell me what’s up with you.” “You know what you damn bartender, screw your mother!” and then the little mouse comes out of the shirt pocket and says “If you have cat a, tell him to screw its mother too!” He had a little mouse in his pocket and it was the one drinking the small shot.

Alfredo heard this joke while drinking with a few friends. He says there really isn’t a moral to the story, just for laughs. If anything, do not be nosey because its none of your business and something unexpected may happen.

This joke is an example of the alcoholism that goes on in Mexico. Here the man goes to have a drink since he is sad. He also has a hidden companion in his pocket. Possibly because he does not want to drink alone since he is sad.

Also, this joke shows how both alcoholism goes hand in hand with vulgarity and violence. After having a few drinks and being annoyed, the man decides to curse out and talk bad about the bartenders mother. The words he says are words that usually spark emotions because the mother is not to be talked bad about in the Mexican culture. Since the mothers are usually housewives, kids get attached to their mothers and feel they must protect them. That is why the statement by the man was so offensive. Even the little mouse wanted in on the violence since the bartender was not letting them drink in peace.

The fact that the little mouse is in the story gives it a fairy tale qualification. The mouse both drinks and talks like a human when in reality they cannot do so. His purpose serves to teach people not to be nosey and mind their own business.

Also the notion of the number ‘3’ appears in the story. It wasn’t until the third time he asked for drinks did the punch line come into play. Furthermore, this joke is an example of where the major twist comes during the punch line.

Proverb – El Salvadorean

Ojos que no ven, corazon que no siente.

Eyes that don’t see, heart that does not feel.

What you don’t know won’t hurt you.

Cesar learned this proverb in El Salvador. He thinks that this means that sometimes it is better not to tell the full truth to someone. Some things are better kept to oneself in order not to hurt other people. Also, if she is not going to find out, go out and party. Sometimes girls or guys can get too attached to their boyfriends and girlfriends that they don’t give each other space. That might be acceptable when you are married but not when you are young and still experimenting.

I find that to be true. In a relationship, especially with younger people, trust is always an issue. If one person in the relations ship goes out somewhere without the other, they are going to assume that they are doing something bad and/or be cheating on them. In reality, it may be a case of one person just trying to get a little bit of space.

I find that the proverb applies to me because I don’t tell my girlfriend a lot of things because she is the jealous type. I mean I’m not out cheating on her but according to her, I cannot talk to or hang out with other girls that she doesn’t know. It gets pretty ridiculous when trust is an issue in a relationship.

Not only does this proverb apply to relationships that are boyfriend/girlfriend, it applies to others such as parent/child. There are very many occasions in Latino families where the parents do not want to let their child go out or do other things of that nature. Therefore the kids sneak out and do stuff that they don’t want their parents to know such as underage drinking, smoking, sex, etc. Although there are laws or rules set up against those things, defiance becomes a factor. The fact that they are not supposed to do such things entices them to go forward and do them. When those things are done in a controlled environment where the chance of something going wrong is minimized, they feel that it is okay to do such things even though their parents will kill them if they were to find out.

Joke

Joke – Blind Man

So there’s this blind guy right? He’s strollin’ through the park, doesn’t really have a fear of the dark though but still… Umm so he’s walking and then all of a sudden he… he stops in front of a fish store, takes a big ass whiff and says “Good morning ladies!”

Daniel says he heard the joke a few years back in middle school. He feels that this joke has a lot of humor to it. He says it is funny how people think that a female’s vagina smells like a fish. Also, that this joke had to have been made in a ‘hood’ because there are many prostitutes on the streets and only they would have a stench that could fill the air.

I think that Daniel is correct when he says that the joke had to have been made in a suburb. I live close to him and there are a lot of fried fish shops that are run by black southerners and you can smell the fried fish from a mile away. Putting that together with the fact the some of these shops are nearby the infamous street named “Century Blvd”, which is known for being littered with prostitutes, you get the connection between vagina and fish, thus creating a pretty amusing joke.

I heard this same joke in the intro of the song “Colt 45” by Afroman and noticed a few differences. Besides having the normal mixing of words, Daniel added the park part to the joke. He lives right across the street from a park and a fried fish store is not much further, so that could have been why he added that part. Furthermore, he added the ‘fear of the dark’ park to it as well. He is a big fan of the group Iron Maiden and they sing a song titled “Fear of the Dark.” The beginning of the songs mentions a stroll through the park and we were just done listening to some Iron Maiden in the car before he told me this joke. So it makes sense that he took a part of the song and added it to the joke.

See:

Song title: Colt 45

By: Afroman

Joke

Joke – Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is a bad ass and he can do anything he wants, check it out:

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter!

And that’s not the best part:

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he isn’t pushing himself up, he’s pushing the world down!

Clearly, Daniel thinks Chuck Norris is a ‘bad ass’. He says he never really was a big fan of Chuck Norris’ “Walker, Texas Ranger” show but that he hears a lot of rumors about him. From what he’s heard, he feels Chuck is more than human, that he is even mightier than God himself. These two examples are just a couple of many reasons why he is such a ‘bad ass’.

These two jokes definitely portray Norris’ greatly exaggerated persona. The first example pokes fun at the product “I can’t believe it’s not butter” when it is claimed that Norris can feel differently about it. The second example depicts the strength and might of Norris. I have heard several of these examples from a countless amount of people. They are spread widely over the internet and I have even seen applications on Mac computers that just tell you random Chuck Norris facts. He is believed to be, by people, a sort of a super human that can do anything he wants at any given time, even if it means going back in time.