Residence: New Jersey/California
Date of Performance/Collection: 4/19/16
Primary Language: English
MR heard about the legend of Oniontown at a summer camp a few hours away, in New Milford, Connecticut. Him and his friends didn’t believe it was real, so they went on a legend quest to see if it was true. It’s a bit of a memorate in that their own personal experience might have been due to other causes, but fit into the legends surrounding the place and and therefore they (at least at first) attributed their experience to what they had heard about inbreeding and meth cookers, despite acknowledgements that the town might just be trying to keep all these dumb kids out.
“Oniontown is a tiny town surrounded by urban legends. People say that it’s a place where people are giant inbred mutants. It’s a lawless society where mutant people will drag strangers out of their car and beat them to death. Police overlook it, though it is only a few miles from civilization. It supposedly has a giant statue of an onion in the town square.
I was friends with camp owner’s son, and the counselors & them went to go and prove it wrong since we were so close and obsessed with urban legends. We got a van together and went to check it out.
They made a rule that if anyone gets too scared, they would turn back, no questions asked.
As they are driving, it starts getting more woodsy.
Two of the people get freaked out and don’t like way it looks. They decide they’re too scared, and ask to turn back.
Ok, fine, so we turn back, but then we get lost. We have no clue where we are. We got so lost that we ended up right near the main road to Oniontown. We decided we might as well go check it out, so we drop our scared friends off at McDonalds and tell them we’ll go explore and come back for them.
The stories say that first the road will turn to gravel, then get narrower and narrower, then mutants will come.
The first thing we see is a junkyard on right named “Murphy’s autobody,” which we take to be a good sign because Murphy is last name of guy driving car. Which, by the way, is a piece of shit car. It’s a van driven down from Canada, old and decrepit, which was given to the guy to run into the ground since it’s near the end of its life).
Then the asphalt turns to gravel.
The two car road changes to a one car then narrows even more to barely a one car road. We wonder how on gods green earth do people get to this city.
We come around a bend and stop. Headlights turn on in front of us.
Three enormous guys get out in road in front of us, huge ass guys, seven feet tall, and one is holding a cinderblock.
The mood in car turns from laughing to complete horror. One guy throws a rock, and the entire windshield shatters.
On of the other guys throws something else at passenger window, and that shatters too. I was in the backseat so it took a while for this to register.
One friend, who I credit our survival to his fast thinking, decided to drive forward. At the last minute he sees a branching road, spins the wheel and goes down that way and into a field. ACDC was on the radio, and my friend thought it was a good idea to turn it up. It was only funny later.
We go back to the road, spin around, and go back to MacDonald’s.Our friends are still there, eating a happy meal and taking their sweet time. We scream and motion for them to get in the car. They get up, take their time, throw away their stuff, not aware of what’s happening. Just then the truck with the guys pulls in and comes around other side of parking lot and rolls down the window.
A guy says: ‘You think this is a joke? Think this is funny? don’t ever come to our town again.'”
MR thinks that because so many people heard about onion town and started to visit, people got tired of strangers coming to town and now mess with people. He also still thinks there’s something fishy going on, maybe cooking meth or something of the sort. There are weird buff hillbillies, nonetheless.