Author Archives: Elluz Martinez

Presidential Joke-International Relations

This joke was collected from a fanfiction story called “Every Day A Holiday I :Summer” in The Sentinel fandom. The premise of the fic is that one of the protagonist is dared by his partner to find a unique holiday for every day for a period of three months. This particular joke was for the August 11th holiday: Presidential Joke Day.

 

 

The wives of three presidents and a prime minister are talking together about what a penis is called in their native languages. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a patriot because you never know if it will hit you on the front or on the backside. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it a curtain because it goes down after the act. Well, the wife of Clinton says in the USA you call it a rumor because it goes from mouth to mouth.

 

 

This joke was posted as a part of a story dealing with two characters who are work partners and roommates who through the course of celebrating holidays find a new depth to their relationship, which transitions from platonic to romantic. This was more of a crude joke that in the context of the story helped to foreshadow the change in relationship already held by the protagonists and the gradual transition into a deeper relationship. While the couple in question are already comfortable with each other they are unsure of pursuing a deeper relationship.Through the course of celebrating holidays, the couple is able to work through any lingering problems that they may have and settle into a more stable situation.

I thought the joke was hilarious. While I had shared a different joke from this source with both my parents, I only shared this one with my mother as I felt that my father might not approve of the content of the joke.

 

Bloody Mary

EA is a student at USC majoring in Creative Writing. She is also a co-worker at the United University Church [UUC] working at the front desk. The story that she told me comes from her childhood.

 

 

Transcribed from Audio Recording:

 

 

..I’ve definitely heard the whole bloody mary when i was fourth grade maybe um they would always say you have to turn on the water and go in the bathroom turn on the eater and then like in front of the mirror repeat bloody mary bloody mary like three times and then she is supposed to appear…

 

So this was in 4th grade and the other kids told you…

 

Yeah, so I went to a daycare thing after school. That;s where i learned it.

 

Oh not at…

 

Not at actual school, at the daycare thing. but yeah. And I tried it. I was yeah right and I tried it. I was like…and then, then i heard that you need like watermelon seeds or something like that and that the reason you didn’t see her is because…I don’t know if it was watermelon seeds and you had to lit a candle or something and then turn on the water and then repeat it three times, I was like I ain’t got time for all this.

 

You didn’t try it again?

 

No, not after that. She didn’t come out. She didn’t want to see me/

 

You weren’t scared?

 

Um..I don’t know. ‘Cause I’m not really.. I guess I am superstitious if I believe that whole mouth thing I’m superstitious. Um I don’t know I don’t really believe in like..I don’t think we’re the only human beings or beings in the entire universe. I don’t know i give the benefit of a doubt. There’s probably aliens not the green headed things but there is something else alive but I don’t really believe in like, “Oh there’s a UFO” or like why would they let themselves be seen or like things like I don’t know you go under a ladder or open an umbrella inside the house. Like I don’t really believe in those kinds of things. But I guess what my grandma tells me…changes it. But i guess…

 

You grew up in the culture, so you believe it more.

 

Uhu.

 

Bloody Mary is a prominent figure in urban legends and the variety of tales told about her are numerous. However, the inclusion of seeds is something I had not heard before. i found it interesting and remembering a recent discussion in class, took it to mean that the watermelon seeds represent semen and the beginning of a new biological cycle for a girl into womanhood. Or perhaps they represent the ovule that are released on the onset of puberty, as Bloody Mary appears to represent.

El Chintete

SM was born in San Miguel Amatlan a pueblo in Oaxaca, Mexico. He was lived here for half his life time working as a cook at various restaurants throughout L.A. County. The following tale was told to him from several co-workers.

 

 

Transcribed from and Audio Recording:

 

 

Estábamos trabajando en la cocina y quien era…era un laba plato tambien um oh pues también ese señor era. Se me hace que ese mismo, el cuñado del A-. Tabamos tambien ahi y vino y le pidió una hamburguesa al M-…ese. Le pidió una hamburguesa y ese guey le empezó a hablar en dialecto, “hay que la chingada. Que esta chingando, que no se que.” Y él le dijo que queria el numero veinte. Veinte lleva espinaca y le dijo que queria el numero veinte. Y ese guey le dijo, “no. que no se que. que no se lo iba…lo quería hacer.” Pero ultimo si lo saco. Si ya hizo la hamburguesa y cuando abrio el cajon para sacar esta la espinaca como hay teníamos la espinaca…cuando lo saco, ahí donde metió su mano para agarrar un puno de espinaca, brinco un chintete y aquí se le pego en su mano. Ese guey que grita. Se asusto pues. “Ay! Guey un chintete!” Un chintete dijo el guey. Pinche chintete así como sonso asi corrio Y lo agarraron. Le dijeron al manager y lo agarraron…Esta grande asi un cafecito verde asi. Y ya llamaron al manager y vino y este y ya le dijeron que ahí estaba. Y dijo que donde estaba y le dijeron que salio en la espinaca. Ahí adentro de la espinaca estaba. Y ya el manager lo agarró un frasco. Un frasco agarro y lo echo ahi, hay lo hecho y hay lo estaban viendo. Hay se pego el guey  y dijo que registraran ahi para ver si no abia mas. Porque estaba ahí que sacaran esa espinaca. Ya no había nada y el manager ya se lo llevó para la oficina. Y ahí estaban ellos haciendo escándalo que no un chintete salió ahí que se asustó el M-. Y ellos empezaron a hablar puro dialecto no se que estaban hablando…Que se asustó ese guey y la chingada…Y ya se llevó el manager pa’ ya y dijo ese guey “ ‘Tamadre lo vamos a matar. A quemar.” dijo. Pero como el manager lo tenia en la oficina. Se lo llevó y ahí estaba mientras que el tiempo que estuvimos trabajando y limpiando haciendo todo. Ya cuando salimos hay estaba el manager en la oficina sentado. Ya cuando le fuimos hablar y le dijimos que donde estaba. Que iba hacer con el chintete ya no estaba. Ya cuando lo buscaron ahí, ya no estaba. Y el dijo, “Pues donde esta” Y lo estuvieron buscando ahi en la oficina y no lo encontraron.

 

 

We were working in the kitchen and who was it …it was a dishwasher oh well it was that man. I think it was that same one, the brother-in-law of A-. We were there also and he came and asked for a hamburger from M-. He asked him for a hamburger and that dude he started to speak to him in dialect, “That this shit. And that shit. And I don’t know what.” And he told him that he wanted the number twenty. The number twenty had spinach and he wanted the twenty. And that dude told him, “No. That I don’t know. That he wasn’t going to..that he didn’t want to do it.” But in the end he did it. He did it and when he went to open the drawer to get the spinach since that is where we had it…when he took it out, there where he put his hand to take out a fistfull of spinach, out jumped a lizard and stuck on his wrist. That dude scream. Well he got scared. “Ahh! A lizard!” The dude screamed that it was a lizard. This stupid lizard it ran around all stupid. An he grabbed it. They told the manager and they grabbed it. It was big, a brownish green. They called the manager and he came and they told him it was there. And he said where it was and they told him that it came out of the spinach. It was in the spinach. And the manager put it in a jar. He grabbed a jar and he put it in there and they were looking at it. The dude was stuck there and he said to check to see if there were anymore. Since that is where they took the spinach from. But there was nothing there and the manager took it to his office. And there they were making a scandal that no it came out there and that it scared M-. And they started to speak in dialect so I don’t know what they were saying…that the guy got scared and shit. And the manager took it and he was saying that, “Shit. We should kill it. and burn it.” But since the manager had it in his office. He took it and it was there in the time that we working, cleaning and doing everything. When we were done there was the manager sitting in his office. And we went to talk to him and asked him where it was.  What he was going to do with it but it was gone. They looked for it but it was not there. He said, “Well, where is it.” They looked for it in the office but it was gone.

 

 

This is an interesting tale. While it may not have anything to do with eh supernatural there are still enough traces of it, to cause some paranoia and fear of the unknown.

 

Lencho

RB is a student at USC majoring in Business. He is a co-worker at the United University Church [UUC] front desk.

 

 

Transcript of Audio Recording:

 

 

on the third floor on the roof there i was climbing the old ladder i guess and…son on the third floor there was like this little attic it’s kind of like a stairwell or um there was it wa weird but kind of creepy but kind of cool but basically this building is like really old supposedly like um like one of the old pastors let a like a an immigrant who wanted to like hide away from the police i think hide up in the attic and that he supposedly died there and now there’s so he haunts the floor or this place thats’ what our director told us

 

did anyone ever see anything?

 

well our director said that um there’s been kind of  … he would stay to work really late here until midnight one two am so that he would sort of see stuff  and that he would feel like a presence like it was that not malicious so he felt calm so he felt that

 

did you ever feel anything?

 

no but B- and other student said they felt a presence.

 

This is an interesting tale and brings in a political context as it questions whether this story is merely a cautionary tale of taking better care of those less fortunate or if it was something against immigrants

Feathered Serpent

RB is a USC student majoring in Business. He is a co-worker at the United University Church [UUC] at the front desk.

 

 

My grandmother told me that when she was a little girl there was this river or creek that ran near the pueblo where she lived. There was supposed to be a feathered serpent that lived there and that is was due to the snake that the river was there. One day the men of the pueblo went out to kill it and the river dried up. She said that she saw it fly once.

 

 

This story came from Michoacan which is close to the area of El D.F. which may have had some influences from Aztec mythology. Quetzalcoatl was a feathered serpent and one of the main gods in the pantheon. This story may also be a way to explain a natural phenomena by casting blame on something tangible for the river drying up.