Author Archives: PAR

Golf Joke

Text/Interview:

PW: “A guy comes back home after a round of golf. Just like all men, he’s usually in a good move after a day on the course but today, he is really dragging. His wife looks at him when he walks in. After looking at him up and down, she notices that he is dragging. The wife asks him what is going on. He shrugs and says that he doesn’t walk to talk about it. After a bit, the wife presses again. Rather than getting into a fight, he relents. The guy explains that everything was going great on the first nine. However, when his best friend Fred went up to tee off on the back nine, he had a heart attack and died right there on the spot. “Oh no!” the wife says. “You’ve known Fred for twenty years. That’s awful!” “I know!” The husband responds. The rest of the round was hit the ball and drag Fred. Hit the ball and drag Fred.”

Context:

PW is an avid golfer and has been his entire life. He does not remember when he first heard this joke, but he knows that it was told to him by one of his golf friends during an outing. PW states that this is a fairly common golf joke and he will hear it in the clubhouse every now and again. He says that it never fails to make him laugh.

My Interpretation:

Golf, just like every other sport, has its own niche community. There are jokes and stories within the golf world that get perpetuated and spread. This is a fantastic example of one of them. This joke is something that a passerby may understand, but only golfers will truly get and find funny.

Blonde Joke

Text/Interview:

PW: “Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?”

PAR: “I don’t know. Why?”

PW: “She threw away all the Ws.”

Context:

PW loves blonde jokes because his wife is blonde. Any time he comes across one, he remembers it and tells it to his wife. Although she does not claim to find them funny, they always make her grin. PW does not recall when he came across this particular blonde joke. However, he remembers his wife’s reaction of pushing her palm into her face.

My Interpretation:

Jokes are a great way of building relationships between two parties. Nothing makes people warm up to you quite like making them laugh. PW uses blonde jokes as a way to strengthen his relationship with the woman he loves. We should all do the same.

Personal Ghost Story

Text/Interview:

DS: “One summer, I was visiting family in Brazil. There are lots of storms there over the summer. One night there was torrential rain. However, it was not the rain that woke me up. Instead, I arose to a little rattling noise. As I came to, the room filled with fog. My room started to get really cold and I saw this demonic figure in the corner of the room. The figure was dark and skeletal. I could feel its evil aura and was completely petrified. I couldn’t move. The figure slowly crept closer and closer until he was right at the head of my bed. The sheets went flying right as thunder struck and he vanished into thin air.”

Context:

DS has family who lives in Brazil. According to him, the house he was staying in was extremely old and the architecture is not quite safe. As a result, he believes that someone either died in the house over its long history or someone died during its construction. Either way, DS knows that there is an evil spirit that haunts that house in Brazil and it is seeking revenge.

Personal Opinion:

While I do not know the validity of the story, I believe that DS saw what he claims to have seen. Encounters with evil spirits are not too uncommon and a rainstorm would be a perfect time for one to strike. Spirits are liminal figures who are neither alive nor dead. Thunderstorms are a liminal time between two sunny days. There is a great in between and I would not be too surprised if this is when spirits roam in Brazil.

The Turkey Bowl

Text/Interview:

BR: “Every year, we have the Turkey Bowl. It’s our annual Thanksgiving tradition.”

PAR: “What happens at the Turkey Bowl?”

BR: “Funny you should ask, because the same thing happens every year.”

PAR: “So you guys plan it out ahead of time?”

BR: “Nope. Virtually no planning goes into it whatsoever. We have a text group chat no one ever sends messages in and that’s about it.”

PAR: “Then how do you know what’s going to happen?”

BR: “We’ve been doing this for so long – the past 15 years I think but I really don’t remember how it started – and everyone just kind of knows what to expect.”

PAR: “And that is?”

BR: “Well we start off the morning by staking out our territory. We have always played on the same field and, no matter what time we show up, there is always a group ahead of us. As the group finishes up their game, the other families show up with the essentials: donuts, coffee, and beer. Eventually, the group ahead of us finishes and we get on the field. It is at this point that the C family shows up. They always arrive late – like clockwork. We pick teams and somehow they always end up the same. From there, cousin J insists on kicking off the ball. He runs up to it and has the ball pulled out from under him Charlie Brown style. I kid you not, this has happened literally every single year for the past fifteen years.”

PAR: “You’re joking.”

BR: “Somehow I’m not (laugh). Anyways, the game goes on and aunt S shows up. Everyone always tells her to not come because she will get too cold, yet she does anyway. Just like we all said, she gets too cold and complains about the temperature. Then she yells at her kids for not wearing enough clothes. After making several remarks that the game should be over, she leaves. It is around this point that uncle Z thinks he is still a Division 1 athlete and sacrifices his body on a play. He totally hurts his knee and we have to help him off the field. Now the game is winding down. The last play always results in the game being a tie. From there, we go and kick field goals for 20 minutes before heading home to catch the tail end of the parade.”

Context:

BR lives in NJ with his family and has done the Turkey Bowl annually for the past 15 years. He claims that it is a way for all of the extended families to see each other on Thanksgiving before heading their separate ways. BR is unsure as to how the Turkey Bowl actually started; however, the ritual has managed to repeat itself every year since its inception.

My Interpretation:

I think it is extremely interesting that the same events have unfolded annually for the past 15 years without any outside intervention. I think this goes to show that people enjoy ritualistic tradition and will subconsciously and uniformly repeat themselves.

Cooper and Whipporwill Valley Roads

Text/Interview:

TM: “There are these two haunted roads in Middletown, NJ. They are Cooper Road and Whipporwill Valley Road and the two are right next to each other.”

PAR: “What makes these roads haunted?”

TM: “Where do I begin? So basically, on Cooper Road, there’s this tiny stone bridge. The story is that once a baby drowned in the river below and if you stop and turn your car off at night, you can still hear its screams. However, you don’t want to stop your car on this bridge. If you turn it off, it won’t start back up again.”

PAR: “Does that really happen?”

TM: “It did to me and my friend once. I’m not sure if it has something to do with the spirit of the baby or the witch trials.”

PAR: “Witch trials?”

TM: “From what I’ve heard back in colonial times, there were a bunch of witches in Middletown. Over the course of a month, these women were discovered and taken to Cooper Road and Whipporwill Valley Road late at night. There, they were burned at the stake. But before they died, apparently they cast a curse on the surrounding land.”

PAR: “That’s crazy.”

TM: “I know! The craziest part is that I’m not even finished yet. The most recent evil thing to happen on this road is the KKK. From what I’ve heard, they have a secret house on Whipporwill Valley Road and hold marches and meetings there super late at night. These roads are the most evil place in all of New Jersey!”

Context:

TM lives in Middletown, NJ and has driven down these roads multiple times before.

My Interpretation:

There is a lot going on with these two roads and there are various historical legends tied to them. What I think is most interesting is the performative game teens can play. They can go late at night and turn their car off and see the Folklore in action themselves. This makes it into a ritual, as they have the capability of acting on what they believe.

Annotation:

For further research, check out this Weird NJ Article:

Weird NJ Author. “Whipporwill Valley and Cooper Roads: Middletown’s Scariest Byways.” Weird NJ, September 5, 2014. https://weirdnj.com/stories/roads-less-traveled/whippoorwill-valley-and-cooper-road/.