Author Archives: Valery Zhukova

Dirty Dentist Joke

Main Piece: [Dirty] Joke

Original:

Женщина идет к дантисту в местной клинике. Когда она идет по коридору, она ошибочно входит в кабинет гинеколога, понимает, что это не то место, и идет к следующей двери. Она садится на стул дантиста. Входит доктор, сильно пахнущий водкой. Он подходит к ней и говорит: «Ок, открывай!» Она открывает рот. Он говорит: «Ок, немного шире!» она открывает рот шире. Он восклицает: «Эй, у тебя там зубы!»

Phonetic:

Zhenshchina idet k dantistu v mestnoy klinike. Kogda ona idet po koridoru, ona oshibochno vkhodit v kabinet ginekologa, ponimayet, chto eto ne to mesto, i idet k sleduyushchey dveri. Ona saditsya na stul dantista. Vkhodit doktor, sil’no pakhnushchiy vodkoy. On podkhodit k ney i govorit: «Ok, otkryvay!» Ona otkryvayet rot. On govorit: «Ok, nemnogo shire!» ona otkryvayet rot shire. On vosklitsayet: «Ey, u tebya tam zuby!»

Translation:

A woman goes to the dentist at the local clinic. As she’s walking through the hall, she mistakenly walks into the gynecologist’s office, realizes it is the wrong place, and goes to the next door. She sits down in the dentist’s chair. A doctor walks in, smelling strongly of vodka. He comes up to her and says “Ok, open wide!” She opens her mouth. He says, “Ok, a little wider!” she opens her mouth wider. He exclaims, “Hey, you have teeth down there!”

 

Background Information:

  • Why does informant know this piece?

He likes to tell jokes and learns them wherever he can.

  • Where did they learn this piece?

He learned this joke at a party.

  • What does it mean to them?

He thinks this is a hilarious joke.

 

Context:

  • Where?

At a party or other social gathering.

  • When?

Whenever it is appropriate to tell a joke.

  • Why?

In order to amuse people and make some people uncomfortable

 

Personal Thoughts:

I’ve heard this joke since I was a small child, but I only understood that a drunk gynecologist accidentally ended up in the dentist’s office and why that is amusing when I grew a lot older. These kinds of jokes are very common at Russian parties and gatherings. The most popular jokes are as always, the most inappropriate.

Garlic around the Neck keeps Sickness Away

Main Piece: Folk Medicine

My grandma, she was born in 1935… was always told by her aunt, in order to not catch a cold or a flu, you had to put a necklace of raw garlic around your neck. Like what you would do to ward off a vampire. She put the raw clove of garlic around her neck when she went to school and she never got sick.

 

Background Information:

  • Why does informant know this piece?

It was told to her to teach her how to ward off illness.

  • Where did they learn this piece?

It was told to her by her grandmother.

  • What does it mean to them?

It’s an interesting trick to ward off illness.

 

Context:

  • Where?

n/a

  • When?

When you are afraid you will get sick

  • Why?

To avoid getting sick.

 

Personal Thoughts:

I think that this folk medicine works because garlic does not smell very good, and so people would avoid contact with a person who is wearing garlic, therefore preventing them from getting sick.

Smart Pills Prank

Main Piece: Prank/Joke

So I used to hear this a lot when I was about 6-7 years old from my dad. Who heard it from his grandfather. When my dad was younger he would always try to pull pranks on his friends, as he friends would to him, so one day he went up to his grandfather and asked if he had any ideas. My great grandfather said: Robbie, have you ever heard of smart pills? My dad replied, no. So my great grandfather went on to explain that my dad should pick up some rabbit pellets (rabbit poop) and put them in a pill bottle. Then, go up to your friends and say, Hey! wanna smart pill? it’ll make you super smart and hand them the pill bottle. Now I don’t think my dad actually gave anyone a rabbit pellet, but the meaning stands.

 

Background Information:

  • Why does informant know this piece?

It was told to her as an amusing anecdote

  • Where did they learn this piece?

It was told to her by her father.

  • What does it mean to them?

It’s an amusing prank that was played by her father.

 

Context:

Described in main piece.

 

Personal Thoughts:

This seems like a common game in the U.S., where there is a strong tradition of pranking people to eat things that they would never normally eat.

Russian Children’s Song about a Sheep

Main Piece: Russian Song/Rhyme

Протекала речка, / через речку мост, / на мосту овечка, / у овечки хвост.
Эх, раз, два, три, четыре, пять, шесть, семь, aх семь, шесть, пять, четыре, три, два, один.
Пересохла речка, / развалился мост, / умерла овечка, / отвалился хвост.
Эх, раз, два, три, четыре, пять, шесть, семь, aх семь, шесть, пять, четыре, три, два, один.
Мне не жалко речки, / мне не жаль моста, / мне не жаль овечки, / а мне жаль хвоста.
Эх, раз, два, три, четыре, пять, шесть, семь, aх семь, шесть, пять, четыре, три, два, один.

Не было-б речки, / не было-б моста. / Не было-б овечки, / не было-б хвоста.

Эх, раз, два, три, четыре, пять, шесть, семь, aх семь, шесть, пять, четыре, три, два, один.

Phonetic:

Protekala rechka, / cherez rechku most, / na mostu ovechka, / u ovechki khvost.
Ekh, raz, dva, tri, chetyre, pyat’, shest’, sem’, akh sem’, shest’, pyat’, chetyre, tri, dva, odin.
Peresokhla rechka, / razvalilsya most, / umerla ovechka, / otvalilsya khvost.
Ekh, raz, dva, tri, chetyre, pyat’, shest’, sem’, akh sem’, shest’, pyat’, chetyre, tri, dva, odin.
Mne ne zhalko rechki, / mne ne zhal’ mosta, / mne ne zhal’ ovechki, / a mne zhal’ khvosta.
Ekh, raz, dva, tri, chetyre, pyat’, shest’, sem’, akh sem’, shest’, pyat’, chetyre, tri, dva, odin.
Ne bylo-b rechki, / ne bylo-b mosta. / Ne bylo-b ovechki, / ne bylo-b khvosta.
Ekh, raz, dva, tri, chetyre, pyat’, shest’, sem’, akh sem’, shest’, pyat’, chetyre, tri, dva, odin.

Translation:

A river ran / a bridge across the river. / On the bridge a sheep, / the sheep had a tail.

Eh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ah seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

The river ran dry, / the bridge fell apart. / The sheep died, / the tail fell off.

Eh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ah seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

I do not feel sorry for the river, / I do not feel sorry for the bridge, / I do not feel sorry for the sheep, / but I’m sorry for the tail.

Eh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ah seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

If here was no river, / there would be no bridge. / If there was no sheep, / there would be no tail.

Eh, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, ah seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

 

Background Information:

  • Why does informant know this piece?

This is a song/rhyme that he learned in kindergarden.

  • Where did they learn this piece?

The Soviet Union.

  • What does it mean to them?

Its just a funny song/rhyme that can be accompanied by a guitar. While it is associated with children, it is also often associated with being drunk and wanting to sing.

 

Context:

  • Where?

At enjoyable gatherings.

  • When?

For children, whenever. For adults, usually when under the influence of alcohol.

  • Why?

For enjoyment.

 

Personal Thoughts:

My father and uncles and grandfathers taught me this song. If was always very fun to sing until the couplet when the sheep dies, which used to make me sad. It is a very strange and ironic song.

Ukranian Lullaby

Main Piece: Ukrainian Lullaby

Ніч яка місячна, зоряна, ясная! / Видно, хоч голки збирай. / Вийди, коханая, працею зморена, / Хоч на хвилиночку в гай.
Сядем укупочці тут під калиною – / І над панами я пан! / Глянь, моя рибонько, – срібною хвилею / Стелиться полем туман.
Гай чарівний, ніби променем всипаний, / Чи загадався, чи спить: / Ген на стрункій та високій осичині / Листя пестливо тремтить.

Небо незміряне всипане зорями, / Що то за Божа краса! / Перлами ясними попід тополями / Грає краплиста роса.

Ти не лякайся, що ніженьки босії / Вмочиш в холодну росу: / Я тебе, вірная, аж до хатиноньки / Сам на руках піднесу.
Ти не лякайся, що змерзнеш, лебедонько, / Тепло – ні вітру, ні хмар… / Я пригорну тебе до свого серденька, / А воно палке, як жар.

Phonetic:

Nich yaka misyachna, zoryana, yasnaya! / Vydno, khoch holky zbyray. / Vyydy, kokhanaya, pratseyu zmorena, / Khoch na khvylynochku v hay.
Syadem ukupochtsi tut pid kalynoyu – / I nad panamy ya pan! / Hlyanʹ, moya rybonʹko, – sribnoyu khvyleyu / Stelytʹsya polem tuman.
Hay charivnyy, niby promenem vsypanyy, / Chy zahadavsya, chy spytʹ: / Hen na strunkiy ta vysokiy osychyni / Lystya pestlyvo tremtytʹ.
Nebo nezmiryane vsypane zoryamy, / Shcho to za Bozha krasa! / Perlamy yasnymy popid topolyamy / Hraye kraplysta rosa.
Ty ne lyakaysya, shcho nizhenʹky bosiyi / Vmochysh v kholodnu rosu: / YA tebe, virnaya, azh do khatynonʹky / Sam na rukakh pidnesu.
Ty ne lyakaysya, shcho zmerznesh, lebedonʹko, / Teplo – ni vitru, ni khmar… / YA pryhornu tebe do svoho serdenʹka, / A vono palke, yak zhar.

Translation:

Oh night which is moonlight, starlit, clear! / So visible, you can collect needles. / Come out, my exhausted love, / For a minute into the garden.

Let’s sit together here under this rose bush / I am their master / Look my darling, a silver wave / The fog rolls onto the field.

So magical, as if powdered by rays / Or lost in thought, asleep / The wind above the thin and tall oak tree / the leaves gently shakes.

The sky is innumerably sprinkled with stars, / What Godly beauty! / Visible under the poplars / plays the mottled dew.

Don’t be afraid that your bare legs / will become wet from the cold dew; / I, my loyal, all the way to the house / in my arms will carry.

Don’t be afraid that you will freeze, my dear, / It is warm- not a breeze, not a cloud… / I will hold you close to my heart / It is hot, like a fever.

 

Background Information:

  • Why does informant know this piece?

Her mother sang it to her when she was a baby / small child.

  • Where did they learn this piece?

The Soviet Union, Kiev, Ukraine.

  • What does it mean to them?

It is a sweet, calming song that reminds her of her home and culture.

 

Context:

  • Where?

Usually sung in a dark bedroom.

  • When?

This song is often sung night.

  • Why?

It is meant to help a child fall asleep.

 

Personal Thoughts:

My mother also sang me this song, as did my grandmother. It is a very calming, haunting song that calls back to old Ukraine before the Soviet Union. Often times people skip different couplets of the song depending on if they like them or not. This song also appears in a few Soviet era films, such as “В бой идут одни старики” which can be translated as “Only Old Men Go To War”.

To hear this song in the film: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONsgbw_VLms

Bykov, Leonid, director. Only Old Men Are Going to Battle. Dovzhenko Film Studios, 1974.