What Happens when you Step on a Duck in Heaven


Chuck Madden, 64, owns an asphalt plant in Texas.  He and Neil Walker, 56, have been friends for many years and worked together at one point.  Neil directs an on-campus organization.  Jeremy Walker, 29, is Neil Walker’s son.  All three are self-identified “white.”  Chuck shared this joke at a dinner for students at the Walker home.  He learned the joke from a friend of his with whom he had served in the army.


One day, Neil, Jeremy, and I all died and went on up to heaven.  When we got there, we met St. Pete, but he was in a real rush so he said to us, “Hi!  Welcome to heaven!  Now, there’s only one rule up here.  I don’t have time to explain right now, but I’ll tell you anyways.  Don’t step on a duck.  I’ll explain later, but just remember not to step on any of the ducks.”  So we go on in and its absolutely beautiful and we’re having a grand old time and sure enough, Jeremy steps on a duck.  And the ducks go quacking and flapping and flying all over the place!  I mean, you have never seen anything quite like it!  Well, pretty soon, St. Pete rushes over and handcuffs Jeremy to this girl.  And, I tell you, she was the ugliest girl you have seen. I mean, you wouldn’t believe how ugly this girl was.  Well, I’m pretty observant so I say to myself, “Aha!  I know how this works.  I not gonna do that!” Well, a little time goes by and we’re walking around and, pretty soon, I step on a duck.  And these ducks are aquaking and a flapping and making a big old racket.  And again, St. Pete rushes in and cuffs me to this hideous girl.  I mean, she was worse looking than the last one he brought over!  I couldn’t believe it.  Well, we’re going along, and Neil’s feeling pretty smug about himself.  Suddenly, we hear these ducks making all kinds of noise and flying around, and St. Pete comes over with this beautiful girl.  I mean, she was drop dead gorgeous! Could have been a model!  And he handcuffs her to Neil.  Well, Neil turns to her and asks, “What did I do?”  And she turns back to him and says, “I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!”


The humor in this joke is found mainly in that it is making fun of a specific person who is known to those present in the group.  The joke also demonstrates an active license to tease.  Neil and Chuck have been friends long enough that Chuck is permitted to make these sorts of jokes at Neil’s expense.  Notably, the three main players in this joke are males whereas the three women are objects either to be revolted or desired.