The Black Coffin Washington D.C.
Exact transcription of Lucy telling the Black Coffin tale:
OK, so theres this guy, and hes getting read for bed one night, one dark and stormy night in, uh, Vermontwhich is a very scary place. And, um, so hes getting ready for bed. And just as hes pulling back the covers to sort of wedge himself in between, um, the phone rings. Brrrriing! Brrrrrrrrring! So he picked it up [clicking noises], and hes like, Hello? and um, its not that late, you know, so its not weird that somebodys calling him. And he says, Hello? and on the other end he hears, [crackling noise, and in scary voice] This is the Black Coffin [pause] (I dont know why the Black Coffin has a Long Island accent). This is the Black Coffin. I am down your street [sound of phone hanging up].
And, um, the guys like, Thats weird, um, but he figures that its just a prank or something, I mean, how do you react in a situation like that? Its just strange. So he like, you know, eschews it from his mind [eschewing motions]. So, you know, its like, whatever, OK. He gets into bed, and hes like, you know, sort of propped-up with Harry Potter 5 and a nice mug of cocoa cause thats what they do in Vermont besides, you know, cow-tipping. And so, um, hes just sort of drifting of into the first folds of sleep, when, uh, when the phone rings again. He j-jolts awake, Brrriiing! Brrriiiiiing!
He picks up, [clicking noise] Hello? And on the other end, he hears, This is the Black Coffin. And I…am at…your walkway. Click. The guys…mmm…a bit freaked out, not really, but its kind of weird. This is not the kind of thing you want to hear before you go to bed at night. I mean, hes got insomnia, hes got a big day of work tomorrow, you know, corporate systems analyst kind of thing, its a hard job. He doesnt want to have to worry about shit like stufflike this…at night.
Um, so, uh, hes kinda antsy-in-the-pantsy. Hes not sure what to think. But he decides just to, like, turn on the TV and just try and go to bed. You know, white noise in the background. So finally, a half and hour later, the phone rings again. Brriiiing! He picks up on the first click, and hes like, uh, Hello? and, uh, the hello is more urgent this time, Hello! [more urgently] and on the other line, you hear, This is the Black Coffin…and I am at your door.
The guy hangs up [slams hand repeatedly on desk], just slams it down on the receiver, hes, hes, hes, hes scared! Hes like the girl in The Ring when shes like, Stop calling me! Hes pissed off, hes scared, he doesnt like this prank. Hes like sitting in bed, the covers are pulled up to his chin, his eyes are darting back and forth like the kind of clockswith the cats and the tails that go back and forth.
So barely two minutes later, the phone rings again, Brriing! He picks up again on the first click, Who is this!? Who is this?! and on the other end it says, This is the Black Coffin…and I am down your hall. And the guy is fucking freaked outfreaking freaked out—hes scared. He runs out of bed, he locks the door [sound of locks clicking]. Like all four locks of them, and he puts down the deadbolt [sound of deadbolt]. He pulls the chain [chain-pulling sound]. So hes scared. Hes sort of dancing around and walking [gets up and starts pacing] like Oh God, I dont know whats going on.
Um, he decides not to pick up the phone because he knows its gonna ring again. Brrrrriiing! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrinnng! Finally, he picks up [slames table] What do you want!? Who is this? What do you want!? And the voice in the phone says, This is the Black Coffin…and Im in front of your door… Okay so the guys scared now. And then, just as he puts down the phone [hanging-up clicking noises], he feels these tendrils of fear grab at his heart, twisting around it like a Cuisinart. He hears at the door [knocking sounds]ow! [laughs]he takes a couple steps toward the door, slower and slower, inch by inch, hes reminded of that math problem where its like you take half the amount of space, will you ever get to the point? Cause hes fucking scared.
And, um, he gets up do the door. He takes off the three locks at the top [three slow clicks]. He takes off the deadbolt [deadbolt sound]. He takes off the chainlock [sound of chain]have fun transcribing that. He slowly turns the rusty New England knob [creaking sound]. He starts to pull the door open and light sort of filters in as he pulls it [another creaking sound, though much longer].
I am the Black Coffin….I am HERE TO GET YOU!!!!!!!! [screams this last part]
Lucys dad told this joke to her first. She was freaked out and also wanted to tell somebody else. Ever since, she has been telling the story.
This scary story makes good use of popular culture references. This helps the audience relate to the story and get more into it. The extensive use of little detailslike Lucys metaphors and descriptionslulls the audience into a false sense of security.
My favorite part is when she slowly goes through each step of the man unlocking the door. When I am scared, life seems to slow down just like that, and every step seems to take a thousand years. By slowing the story down piece-by-piece, Lucy forces the audience to pay very close attention, only to be shocked and surprised when she shatters the silence by screaming HERE TO GET YOU!