Author Archives: ggalo

Armenian Donkey Laser

[Translated from Armenian] When the Soviet Union launched the Sputnik satellite, the whole world was on scared about the type of technology the country had. One day the Armenian general heard that Turkish forces were planning some kind of attack on the Armenian border (which was a part of the USSR). The area have enough troops stationed there, and reinforcements would have taken days to arrive. Armenian is known for its mountains, and the general had the idea to strap a donkey with a bunch of flashlights and use it as a way to trick the Turks. That night, soldiers taped a bunch of flashlights on a donkey, and kicks the donkey in the rear on top of a mountain near the border. The donkey started running  down the mountain kicking around from being startled, which made the flashlights swing around everywhere. The Turkish forces at the bottom of the mountain see something unusual approaching them. Not knowing what it was, they feared it was some sort of advanced Soviet war laser and retreated from the border, not realizing it was just a donkey.

Context: This was story the informant heard from his father, who heard during his time in soviet army 

Analysis: This story parallels a Persian war story I have collected (see Nader Shah – 10,000 Goats), however this version takes place hundreds of years after the Iranian one. In both versions animals (goats/donkey) were used to outsmart and scare enemy forces from an attack using elements of light (fire/flashlights) in dark settings. Being that Iran and Armenia are neighbors, it is not unlikely a story like this would be shared between cultures and adapted for their own use. Initially I believed the Armenian version was possibly true, because it sounded plausible and I was biased. But, having heard two different variants of a similar plot, I’m dubious as to whether the events in either legend are true.

Armenian Genie Joke

[Translated from Armenian] Three neighbors come across a genie lamp in the city. 

The genie pops out and says, “For finding me each of you gets a single wish of your heart’s desire. But, be forewarned that whatever you wish for, the other two guys get the same but 10 times better.

The first guy says, “I want a Mercedes Benz.” And the genie grants his wish. So, the first guy is driving around feeling good about himself when he pulls up to his driveway and sees Ferarris, Lamborginis, and Porches parked on their lots.

The second guy say, “Genie, I want a big house.” And the genie grants his wish. So the second guy is happy, running around his new house checking out all the rooms, until he looks out the window and sees his neighbors’ towering mansions. 

The third guy looks around and says, “Genie, you know what? Just give me (high pitched voice) a weeee little heart attack.”

Context: This joke was told at a birthday party over food and drinks. The performer and audience were quite drunk.

Thoughts: This is funny because the third guy already has everything he could have asked for and didn’t want to be outdone by, and become jealous of his neighbors by wishing for something else. Instead, the punchline is implies that a “weeee little heart attack” would be tolerable for him but 10 times that would deadly for his neighbors. Problem solved.

Armenian Manti Soup

Manti is a delicious traditional Armenian soup filled with dough wrapped lamb meat. It kind of looks like a ravioli with a side of it cut off, exposing some of the meat inside to the juices of the soup.

Armenian moms and grandmas are known for notoriously laboring on every little piece of Manti by hand. First they make little meatballs and cut the dough into little squares, place the meat inside, then pinch the corners of  the dough against each other to create the Manti. Then they cook it chicken stock and serve it with yogurt and garlic.

Oh, and the best part, at least in my family, my grandmother would hide a button, you know from a shirt, inside one the pieces. The point was that whoever found the piece was supposed have good luck or make a wish or something like that. So, it turned out to be a like a race between my siblings and cousins to see who finds the button. I think it was more of a tactic to encourage the kids to eat more than anything else.

Context: Informant was born in Yerevan, Armenia and came to the US at the age of 14.

Thoughts: Being of Armenian origin myself, I thought it was very interesting that I have never even heard of Manti. My family is originally from different city in Armenia, and I guess that minor difference in location is large enough to evident in the food culture. It goes to show the amount of variation you can find in a single “culture.” I thought the button hidden in soup was a fun touch… although I wonder if it’s a bit dangerous.

Armenian Nose Joke

Why do Armenian’s have big noses? 

Because the air is free!

Context: [informant] I first heard this from my cousin when I was a kid. I really though she was going to give a reason why our people have big noses but it was joke about them being cheap. I kind of took it personal even though she was Armenian too, but later I heard the same exact  joke about Jews and thought it was funny.

Thoughts: This is a prime example of multiplicity and variation. The stereotypes here are that Armenian and Jews both have big noses and tend to be money-centric cultures, so it makes sense the same joke can be applied to either culture. Having “big” noses implies they use it sniff up as much free air as possible.

Nader Shah – 10,000 Goats

Nader Shah was a very powerful Persian ruler… One day heard news that a large number of enemy forces were preparing to attack one of towns. He knew he couldn’t get enough troops over there in time. So that night, he ordered all the farmers to gather 10,000 goats. He then had the farmers light their livestock’s horns on fire and direct them toward the enemy forces. The attackers saw from distance what seemed like a massive army approaching their camp, but they didn’t realize that it was just a bunch of goats. Fearing for their lives, they ran away, and the town was saved.

Context: Informant was born in Iran, and insists this story was an actual historical event.

Analysis: This story parallels another Armenian war story  I have heard (see Armenian Donkey Laser), although this version takes place hundreds of years before the other one. In both versions different animals motifs (goats/donkey) were used to outsmart and scare enemy forces from an attack using light motifs (fire/flashlights). Being that Iran and Armenia are neighbors, it is not unlikely a story like this would be shared between cultures and adapted for their own use. Initially I believed the Armenian version was possibly true, because it sounded plausible and I was biased. But, having heard two different variants of a similar plot, I’m dubious as to whether the events in either legend are true.