Main Piece: There’s another big story in my family about my great-grandfather. Supposedly, my family has an old fortune going back to…that has been built up since the Middle Ages because they were all doctors. Then my great-grandfather comes along and he wants to preserve it. He wants to keep it safe. So, he does the sensible thing…he talks to the most respected financial advisors and they all tell him one thing “Invest in bonds of the oldest, longest-lasting empires.” So, he does. And this is before World War I. So, he buys the bonds of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, the Ottoman Empire and the Russian Empire. And then World War I happens and those are the Empires that collapse. Just cease to exist. And so all those bonds are now utterly worthless. For years, they kept those bonds in their basement hoping against hope that Communist Russia would decide to honor its debts. No dice. Eventually, World War II rolled around and they were so desperate and so cold that they had to burn them for heat. Pretty funny. And just goes to show you that no matter how much you try and save your money that you just can’t predict the future. You can try and make the safest bet and it can all still get wiped out. Because everything is ultimately a bet. You bet when you pick a major. You bet when you assume a country will remain stable. You bet when you pick a city to live in. You are constantly betting and this story helps remind me of that. You can’t live your life without making assumptions but it’s important to, you know, remember those assumptions.

Background Information: This piece was performed by Hunter Maats who learned it from his father. He likes it because it is a reminder that you can never be complacent.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in person in the kitchen of my dad’s house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: This piece is both funny and a little scary. To think that you can work hard and save up and all that hard work can be wiped out even when you try and make the safest bet possible is a shocking reminder of the impermanence of wealth.

Main Piece: All of my dad’s family until him were medical doctors. And so when my grandfather became a doctor it was a big deal. He was continuing a long family tradition. And so my grandfather and great-grandfather went together to his first medical conference and for dinner they went to a really nice restaurant to celebrate. And as a treat, my great-grandfather ordered two glasses of Chateau D’Yquem which is one of the best white wines. And the waiter comes over with two glasses and my great-grandfather gives it a taste and he asks the waiter to get the sommelier. “Is there a problem?” asks the waiter. “Just please bring over the sommelier,” says my great-grandfather. The sommelier comes over and asks my grandfather if there’s a problem. To which my great-grandfather responds that the wine they have been served is not a Chateau D’Yquem. The sommelier stammers and says, “Monsieur. I assure you.” My great-grandfather reassures him and says, “It’s a very good wine but it is not a D’Yquem. Please. Go check the bottle.” The sommelier goes away and comes back and says, “Monsieur, you have an exceptional palate. This is a superb wine. In fact, it is from the next valley over to the Chateau D’Yquem but it is not the D’Yquem.” To which my great-grandfather replies, “Une femme a deux trous. Une à côté de l’autre mais quelle difference de goût.” Which means “a woman has two holes. One right next to the other but what a difference in taste.”

Background Information: This piece was performed by Hunter Maats who learned it from his father. His dad loves this story because he finds it amazing that in the first half of the 20th Century there could be so few vintages that a doctor could distinguish between two virtually identical wines. Hunter loves this story because it’s amazing to him that his great-grandfather felt comfortable saying that line in one of the best restaurants in Paris. That would never happen today. Hunter says the Dutch are either crude or much more comfortable talking about sex depending on your point of view. As Hunter says, “I’ve always wondered how the waiter reacted. Was he appalled? Or was this a time when men talked about sex freely with other men? Hard to know. Anyway, it’s a family favorite.”

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in person in the kitchen of my dad’s house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: I definitely see what Hunter means about their being a difference in culture between the Dutch and other Westerners. I can’t imagine anyone in my family telling that story.

Main Piece: I love the folklore around music. There are some great stories. Like I love the one about legendary blues guitarist and singer Robert Johnson. Johnson really wanted to play the blues guitar badly and so he was told to go down to this crossroads where a large man in black met him at midnight. This large man takes his guitar and tunes it, plays a couple of songs and hands it back to Johnson. Suddenly, Johnson played the guitar perfectly. Like he was possessed. And the story goes that that man was the devil. And Johnson sold his soul to make it happen. To play the blues perfectly. And then Johnson died really young. In his 20’s I think. And I’ve always found that story fascinating because some people play so well it’s like they’re possessed. And music can become an obsession. You can want so desperately to be good at it that you’d be willing to sell your soul to master it. I know lots of musicians who would be really tempted by that bargain even if they died in their 20’s. Maybe especially if they did.

Background Information: This piece was performed by James Burnett, my brother. James has been playing music for most of his life and it is his great passion.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in person in James’ room in our house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: When James told me this story, it reminded me of one of the scenes in O Brother, Where Art Thou? I didn’t realize that scene was actually based on a popular bit of music folklore about Robert Johnson. (I’d actually never heard of Robert Johnson which James found pretty appalling.) Knowing that the story had been reused in a movie and that I didn’t know where it had started was really interesting to me. It showed on a personal level how these stories can develop and change over time like a game of telephone. Pretty soon people don’t even know how it started or how much it has changed.

Main Piece: There’s another great one I love around Van Halen. Most people know this one or some version of this one but they don’t know the true story. It’s about the brown M&M’s in their rider. Most people tell the story to show that Van Halen and rock stars are divas. Actually, Van Halen put a clause in their rider that there had to be a bowl of M&M’s in their dressing room but it could only be brown M&M’s because of safety. Van Halen had this incredibly complicated setup for their show. And if any part of a stage’s setup is wrong people can die. So, Van Halen put this clause in their about M&M’s in as a test to see how carefully and how thoroughly each concert organizer had followed the setup instructions. The instant they walked into the dressing room it was incredibly obvious. If there was a giant bowl of only brown M&M’s then they knew the instructions probably had been read and followed pretty carefully. If there wasn’t a giant bowl of only brown M&M’s then the instructions hadn’t be followed to the letter and they needed to check everything over again. Part of what I love about this story is that we’re so used to hearing about rockstar diva behavior and this is supposedly a famous example but actually it’s about good safety practices. I love that.

Background Information: This piece was performed by James Burnett, my brother. James has been playing music for most of his life and it is his great passion.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in person in James’ room in our house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: This story was fascinating to me. It was really interesting that a true event that was about safety was misunderstood and reinterpreted by people to be about being a diva. People retwist these stories to serve their agendas, probably unconsciously. The idea of rockstars as responsible and safety conscious just doesn’t fit our prejudices. The idea of rockstars as divas with unreasonable and difficult demands does. So fascinating!

Main Story: There’s also in Classical Music the Curse of the Ninth Symphony which is a belief that after a composer composes his ninth symphony that they die. Beethoven, Schubert, Dvorak…lots of them died after their ninth symphony. And so it’s this idea like the Curse of Superman where everybody who plays Superman is cursed and something bad happens to them. And Mahler is really the most famous one. He wrote his Eighth Symphony then he wrote a song cycle with some German name which while technically a symphony was also technically a song cycle. So he tried to cheat the curse. But then he admitted it was his ninth. And then he started working on a tenth and he died before he could complete it. The Curse of the Ninth got him.

Background Information: This piece was performed by James Burnett, my brother. James has been playing music for most of his life and it is his great passion.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in person in James’ room in our house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: It’s so funny that Classical musicians have what is basically a ghost story. It reminded me a lot of the Curse of Superman. I checked into the facts of this some more and like the Curse of Superman it requires a very selective reading of the facts to convince yourself there is a curse. It’s funny though how much I don’t care. I know rationally that the Curse of Superman is ridiculous but it’s fun to believe in. I feel the same way about the Curse of the Ninth. It’s amazing how even though the world seems so modern we’re just as superstitious as ever. I suppose these superstitions are harmless. They only become a problem when you let them start running your life.