Main Story: The first story is about the veil…the very thin veil between heaven and earth…it’s said that the closest place between heaven and earth is Ionna…in Scotland…in the Hebrides. And…the Scottish people are known as Hibernians. And it’s a combination of two words Iberian and Hebrew and it’s believed that when the Jews were persecuted and they moved on from the Holy Land and through France and settled in the Iberian peninsula. And then eventually travelled out there of the Bay of Biscay up past Ireland and settled in the north western Scotland. Up there on these islands and one of these islands is called the island of Ionna. This is where they believe is the lost tribe of Israel. It’s one of the oldest church settlements in the history of the United Kingdom. And the legends are and the mythology is that they are descended from one of the twelve tribes of Israel and it’s become the closest place on earth between heaven and earth and it’s the thin veil that separates the two.

Background Information: Mark Burnett is my dad. His family is originally from Scotland and he served in the military.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed on the balcony of our house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: I thought this was a fascinating story. What I particularly enjoyed was how many fascinating and different elements it blended together in such a short story. There is an origin story of the name of the Hebrides. There is Christian mythology. There is the lost tribe of Israel.

Main Story: St. Gregory the Illuminator was the first Catholicos–basically Armenian Pope. His dad was supposed to murder the Armenian King which he did. St. Gregory’s dad was then put to death. St. Gregory was also supposed to be put to death but some people snuck him out of the country where he was raised by a Christian and became a devout Christian. Then, he met his wife Miriam and together they had two kids. St. Gregory leaves his wife so he can go back to Armenia and make up for his father’s crime. He rolls into the country to preach to the Armenia people and the King (who is the son of the one St. Gregory’s dad murdered) sticks St. Gregory in a pit for twelve years. But then the Romans come and take a bunch of the King’s land and the King goes nuts. So, they drag Gregory out of the pit and he baptizes the King and he is healed. And so, the King allows Gregory to preach and Armenia becomes the first country in the entire world to become officially Christian and Gregory becomes the first Catholicos. His son becomes the second Catholicos.

Background Information: Alex Chinian’s family is originally from Armenia. He heard this story from his grandmother.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in my dorm room at USC.

My Thoughts on the Piece: This was a very interesting piece of folklore because it is based in history but has probably been heightened in order to help create more excitement around it. This is true with many religious tales like the story of St. Patrick driving all the snakes out of Ireland. Apparently, there never were any snakes in Ireland but it makes a better story to say St. Patrick drove them out.

Main Story: Nourie Hadig is a story about a very beautiful Armenian woman and her very beautiful Armenian daughter named Nourie Hadig. You can think of them as the early Kardashians. Basically, the mom is Kris Jenner and Nourie Hadig is Kim Kardashian. So, every month, Kris Jenner asks the new moon who is the most beautiful and the moon says you are Kris. Until, one month, the moon says Nourie Hadig. And Kris flips out and tells her husband–Caitlyn Jenner–to go murder Kim. But Caitlyn loves Kim. So Caitlyn leaves Kim in the woods and brings back a fake bloody shirt to show he killed Nourie Hadig.

While in the woods, Nourie Hadig finds a cabin and inside the cabin is a prince who is asleep and Nourie hears a voice telling her to cook for the Prince for seven years and that when he awoke they would be married. So, Nourie does it.

And, meanwhile, her mom asks the new moon who is the most beautiful of them all and the new moon says Nourie Hadig and her mom is seriously ticked off. Maybe so ticked off that her husband was still Bruce until she found out that he hadn’t offed Kim and so she turned him into Caitlyn. Anyway, the mom seriously wants to find Nourie Hadig bad.

So, Nourie is cooking for this Prince for seven years and leaving food for him while he’s sleeping but it’s hard work so she hires some help. But then the Prince sees this new girl and thinks she must have been doing all the work and so out of gratitude promises to marry her. Nourie Hadig is so sad. And the Prince figures Nourie must have done something so he offers to buy her something from the market. So, they go shopping! Which Kim loves. And while they’re there they find a stone of…uhhhh…some kind of magical stone. A stone of sorrows…I think. Anyway, you tell your worries to this stone and if you’re telling the truth about your worries then the stone swells and blows up. But if you’re exaggerating your worries then you swell up and blow up. And this is such a worry that the guy who sells the stone says to the Prince to watch his servant while she uses the stone because he doesn’t want her to blow up. You don’t want your property blowing up on you.

So, they go home and Nourie tells her worries to the stone and it’s about to blow and the Prince bursts in and tells her to stop. He’ll marry her. Except our Prince is Kanye who is the King.

So, then Nourie’s mom asks the moon who is the most beautiful and the moon says Princess so and so. Or Nourie Hadig West. And she’s like, “Oh! She’s married to Kanye now.” And so the mom goes to get her with a ring that makes her fall asleep. She gets the ring onto Nourie’s finger and it looks like she’s dead. So now Nourie’s mom asks the moon who is the prettiest and it doesn’t say Nourie and Nourie’s mom is so happy.

But the Prince gets all the best doctors to come and cure her. And they can’t until one of them–the dirty thief–tries to still the ring and Nourie wakes up. So, he quickly puts the ring back on and then waits until the prince returns so he can pretend to cure her and get paid big G’s. And then the next month, Nourie’s mom asks the moon who is the prettiest and it says Nourie. And Nourie’s mom straight up dies out of jealousy.

Background Information: Alex Chinian’s family is originally from Armenia. He heard this story from his grandmother.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in my dorm room at USC.

My Thoughts on the Piece: Alex is hilarious. I loved how he recast Nourie Hadig and her family as the Kardashians. That was awesome. Alex talks all the time about how all most people know about Armenia is the Kardashians and so he has a running joke where he relates everything Armenian back to that. I thought it was really cool how he blended the Armenian folklore with the modern folklore of the Kardashians.

Ara the Handsome was an Armenian man who like all Armenian men was incredibly handsome. He was so handsome that the Assyrian Queen wanted to marry him. But Ara was married and faithful to his wife so he refused. The Assyrian Queen was having none of this so she she sent her entire army to go capture Ara and bring him to her but they killed him and brought his dead body back. She was so sad that she took his corpse up to the roof of her castle and begged the gods to bring him back from the dead. The moral of the story is that all Armenian men are incredibly handsome and amazingly devoted to our wives. Basically, we’re the best catch.

Background Information: Alex Chinian’s family is originally from Armenia. He heard this story from his grandmother.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in my dorm room at USC.

My Thoughts on the Piece: Alex’s performance was hilarious and I loved how he used the story to prove a point he wanted to make about himself. It’s been interesting to see how folklore lives and is reused to serve modern needs but never have I seen it used so shamelessly.

Main Story: And then there are all the Southern Italian stories that deal with the code of silence. A lot of this stuff is mafia stuff. It’s about not snitching. But not all of it. Some of it is just about Southern Italy where you learn not to trust anyone. Like there’s the one about the father who tells his son to jump off a wall and that he’ll catch him. His son jumps off a wall and the father just lets him fall. His son breaks his leg. As his son is lying there in agony his father comes over and tells him that the most important lesson in life is to trust no one. Or there’s the one where a father has three sons. The father knocks his own hat off his head and onto the ground. The father says to his first son, “What’d I do?” The first son says, “You knocked your hat to the ground.” The father smacks him. The father picks up his hat and says to his second son, “What’d I do?” The second son says, “You picked your hat off the ground.” The father hits him. The father turns to the third and smartest son and says “What’d I do?” The third son says, “I don’t know.” And then the father says, “When anyone asks you anything about your family, the answer is I don’t know.” You know I love Southern Italy. The food is incredible and so are a lot of the people on a personal level. But there’s a reason why your grandfather left. It’s not a very…uhhh…practical society.

Background Information: Dianne Burnett is my mom. Her dad is originally from Bari, Italy, and she grew up in New York City.

Context of the Performance: The story was performed in the kitchen of my mom’s house.

My Thoughts on the Piece: This was a really powerful piece to me. I really like Southern Italy. The food is delicious. It’s a beautiful place and, generally, I find the people really hospitable. However, it’s also easy to see that it’s not a very functional place. These stories began to help me understand why.