Author Archives: Troy Furniss

Bar Joke

Nationality: Croatian
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/26/2017
Primary Language: English

Informant: My informant, L.K., is 19 and was born in New York but raised in Dubrovnik, Croatia from age 5 to 18. L.K. father is working for a tourist agency and part time water polo referee and his mom is a financial manager for a restaurant in Croatia. He has a younger brother and sister with his family being fully Croatian, but has integrated small values from his time in the United States.

Folklore: “There is a black guy, a white guy, and an Asian that all get kidnapped and are being held against their will. The man who kidnapped them tells the three men that he will let them go on the condition that the size of their penis’s put together must me 20 inches or bigger. So the black guy whips it out, and it’s a whopping 13 inches! The white guy decides to go next and pulls his out. It’s a solid 6 inches. The Asian guy pulls his out last and its only one inch. The kidnapper, making good on his promise, lets the three men leave. On the way out the black guy says to the other two men, ‘Man, you guys are just lucky that I have such big dick.’ The white guy then says, ‘No, you guys are just lucky that I have such an average sized dick.’ And then the Asian guy says, ‘No, you guys are just lucky I had an erection.’” L.K. was told this joke from a tour guide when he visited Jamaica over winter break. Similarly, this joke was told in the presence of only men at night after the tour was over. L.K. said they would drink and tell jokes after the end of each day and was a nice way to end a long day.

Analysis: This joke is a classic variation of three guys walk into a bar joke. The joke focuses on the stereotype of the length of penis varies by nationality. Again, I’m fan of guy jokes and this was the best dick joke I think I’ve ever heard.

Grandma’s Joke

Nationality: American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/25/2017
Primary Language: English

Informant: My informant, M.A., is 18 and was born and raised in Greenwich, Connecticut. M.A. parents both work as corporate lawyers and he hopes to pursue the same career. M.A. is also a practicing Catholic and is strongly connected to his religion. He has one brother and two sisters with the family being almost fully Americanized but still hold on to some of his Syrian heritage.

Folklore: “So there is this child and his grandpa. One day the little boy sees that his grandpa is drinking some whiskey from a glass and the boy asks his grandpa, ‘Hey, can I take a sip of that whiskey?’ The grandpa responds by saying, ‘Does your dick touch your asshole?’ The little boy answers back and says, ‘No.’ The next day the little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar and boy asks his grandpa, ‘Hey, can I get a puff of that cigar?’ And again the grandpa responds by saying, ‘Does your dick touch your asshole?’ Again the little boy responds, ‘No.’ The next day the grandpa sees the little boy eating a plate of freshly baked cookies and the grandpa asks the boy, ‘Hey, can I have one of your cookies?’ The little boy responds and says, ‘Does your dick touch your asshole?’ The grandpa smiles and replies, ‘Yes.’ The little boy looks up and says, ‘Then go fuck yourself!’” Surprisingly, M.A. was told this story from his grandma who said it was her husband’s favorite joke when they were younger. He says that he only tells the joke with a group of guys but is definitely one of his favorite dirty jokes he has ever heard.

Analysis: I loved the joke and the way M.A. performed it. I was shocked to find out when he told me his grandma told him the joke because that would probably be the last person who you would expect to tell you a joke like that. For me, I am a huge fan of guy/dirty jokes but I do believe there is a time and place for every joke and I probably wouldn’t tell this joke in front of girls.

St. Anthony

Nationality: American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/20/2017
Primary Language: English

Informant: My informant, M.A., is 18 and was born and raised in Greenwich, Connecticut. M.A. parents both work as corporate lawyers and he hopes to pursue the same career. M.A. is also a practicing Catholic and is strongly connected to his religion. He has one brother and two sisters with the family being almost fully Americanized but still hold on to some of his Syrian heritage.

Folklore: “The patron saint of lost items is known to be St. Anthony. The myth goes that if you lose an item, you say a prayer to St. Anthony that goes, ‘St. Anthony, St. Anthony, please come down. Something is lost and can’t be found.’ If you were to repeat this ten times then St. Anthony will help you find your lost item.” M.A. was taught this prayer from his mom at a very young age and was a commonly known story in his town. According to M.A., he says that his prayers have rarely ever been answered, but still performs the prayer regardless every time he loses an object because he figures it doesn’t hurt to try it.

Analysis: I was told this prayer from my parents when I was growing up, but the only thing that was different was that I didn’t repeat the prayer ten times. I felt that when I was a kid this prayer seemed to work a lot more than it does now, but I too still perform the prayer because it usually gets to the point where I’m desperate to find the item. Saying the prayer just gives me that small amount of reassurance that I might actually find my lost item but with my experience it’s usually gone for good.

St. Joseph

Nationality: American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/24/2017
Primary Language: English

Informant: My informant, M.A., is 18 and was born and raised in Greenwich, Connecticut. M.A. parents both work as corporate lawyers and he hopes to pursue the same career. M.A. is also a practicing Catholic and is strongly connected to his religion. He has one brother and two sisters with the family being almost fully Americanized but still hold on to some of his Syrian heritage.

Folklore: “The patron saint of homes and real estate purchases is considered to be St. Joseph. The myth goes that if you are ever having a hard time trying to sell your house, you are supposed to bury a statue of St. Joseph head first in the backyard. If you complete this then the process of selling your house will be completed much quicker and smoothly.” M.A. heard this piece of folklore from an old neighbor in Connecticut who was having trouble selling his house. M.A. claimed that the neighbor did perform this task, but was not able to sell his house for another six months afterwards. M.A. is still strongly connected with his religion and does believe in these quirky traditions, but he also feels like people should not rely completely on these myths.

Analysis: I have never heard this myth before, but I did think it was peculiar as to why you would need to bury a statue of St. Joseph head first or even bury him at all in the backyard. These little stories might not actually provide any help like it did to Matt’s neighbor, but it is used mainly as a way to give people hope when they feel like they have done everything in their power to sell their house.

Why?

Nationality: American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/21/2017
Primary Language: English

Informant: My informant, M.A., is 18 and was born and raised in Greenwich, Connecticut. M.A. parents both work as corporate lawyers and he hopes to pursue the same career. M.A. is also a practicing Catholic and is strongly connected to his religion. He has one brother and two sisters with the family being almost fully Americanized but still hold on to some of his Syrian heritage.

Folklore: “I took a Psychology class in high school, and my professor was known to post one short, open ended question for the class to analyze and write a minimum of 10 pages in a blue book that would be worth. When the class showed up to take the final, the professor gets up and writes down one word on the board. ‘Why?’ Immediately, all of the students start writing frantically listing different theories or concepts and citing famous psychologists throughout history. However, there was one student who wrote down two words, got up and turned in his book, and left the class. The other students were confused and curious as to what he wrote down that would decide the fate of his grade. Later, when everyone was getting their grade back they found out that the student wrote down the simple phrase, ‘Why not?’ and received the only “A” on the final. M.A. was told this story from his father multiple times when growing up. His dad told him the message to take away from the story is to be confident in what you believe in regardless of what everyone else is doing and if you want to win big you have to be willing to risk big.

Analysis: I like this story and it reminds me of a story my dad would tell me. The story is meant to show that anyone who has ever done anything great usually had to take at least one or more huge chances at some point in their career. If you want to get remembered you have to be bold enough to risk everything.

For more information on this story, see http://www.snopes.com/college/exam/oneword.asp