Blonde Joke – Cow in the Tree

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to try to steal a farmer’s watermelons.  Ripe and juicy, these fruits are delicious and known throughout the neighborhood for their delicious taste.  A couple boys had always stolen these watermelons and were revered through the school for their audacity.  After a while, these three girlfriends got together and wondered why they could not steal the fruits themselves.  They made a plan and when the appointed day came, they three met, all dressed in black.  They stealthily crept through the fields while the farmer snored in his house.  Alas, if it were not for the farmer’s trusty hounds, they three probably would have gotten away with their act.  However, woken by the intruder’s footsteps and their poignant perfume, the dogs started barking up a racket.  The three girls fled into the trees bordering the fields as the gruff old farmer and his dogs came out.  When the dogs stopped at the tree the brunette had climbed up, she was forced to think quickly.  “Chirp, chirp,” she said.  “Oh, it’s only a bird,” the farmer thought, and moved on to the next tree.  The dogs clamored around the next tree which hid the redhead, as the farmer shook the tree.  “Meow, meow, hisss.”  “Oh, just another stupid cat,” the farmer decided.  Coming to the final tree in which the blonde had hid, the dogs again went crazy.  Peering up, the farmer was greeted with silence.  He paused, then shook the tree again.  “Mooo, mooooooo.”

I was told this somewhat lengthy blonde joke by my little brother, Nathanael.  He is currently a junior in high school, attending Mira Costa High in Manhattan Beach, California.  Having attended the same high school, I have a general feel for the demographic makeup.  Over eighty percent Caucasian, the school has more than its fair share of blondes, brunettes, and redheads.

This joke makes fun of both blondes and, to a lesser extent, the entire female race.  The three girls failed in their attempt to steal watermelons, as they awaken the guard dog which in turn wakes the farmer.  The boys, on the other hand, had successfully stolen watermelons for years.  Finally, at the butt of the joke is the poor blonde, who, in emulating the clever animal noises of the others, finds herself selecting one of the only animals which would not able to be found in a tree.  Thus in this already incapable group of girls, the blonde-haired one is the most pitiful.  My brother is full Chinese.  Since he is not white or female, perhaps it is fitting that this joke makes fun blonde girls.  In an environment where he is a definite minority, perhaps jokes like these represent a subtle form of rebellion against the majority.

I have heard another variation of this joke somewhere; however as I already have included numerous blonde jokes, I felt that the addition of another would be repetitive.  This other version sets up the same three girls in a similar situation, except they are hiding in grain sacks in a barn.  The first makes the “squeak, squeak” sound of a mouse.  The second once again meows like a cat.  The unfortunate blond in the third sack is kicked.  She cries out “Potato, potato!”  This version of the joke is very similar as far as the punch line goes.  The first two make unlikely though believable sounds, and are passed over by the angry farmer.  The poor blonde, however picks a ridiculous sound to make, and it is implied that she is discovered.  Cows obviously cannot climb trees; furthermore, potatoes most definitely do not exclaim “Potato!”  The variation and multiplicity of this joke helps validate it as a legitimate, though somewhat ridiculous and humorous, piece of folklore.