“We do it because [the soul of someone has passed away recently] wanders around for 40 days before they settle on where they want to go. That’s why we pray to help them find their way to Heaven to because they don’t know where they are.” 

As a Filipino-Catholic, my family has many rituals that we perform at different life events. One of the most recent ones that my family has performed is the “40 days after death” prayer ritual we perform after a family member has passed away. For the first 9 days after the person has passed, my family comes together to pray the rosary together and recite the Novena for the Dead. After that, it’s usually the older relatives and those closest to the recently deceased who continue to pray the rosary daily, leading up to the final day when everyone comes together again to repeat the ritual one last time. 

The contents of this ritual are very heavy and the environment is usually quite solemn when this happens. However, when talking to my mom about it, she then started talking about how my whole family only comes together for weddings and funerals. These types of life events provide enough of a reason for people to reshuffle their busy schedules to come out and partake in the event. She then proceeded to talk about the fun memories with cousins that she doesn’t really hang out with and the dinners that occur after the prayer is done. It made me think about my own memories with this prayer, and how I also have had fond memories with my cousins and relatives that I didn’t meet until that time. Ironically, thinking back to these heavily sad periods of time where my family had lost someone, my mom and I first remember the memories of our family coming together for this person and to take part in this ritual. This 40 day of death ritual is ironically something that brings me a bit of happiness and community in a dark time, and I love my family for keeping that tradition alive for I believe that this familial togetherness is something that we value strongly.