Category Archives: Old age

Retirement, seniority, death, funerals, remembrances

Three Old Ladies

Nationality: American
Age: 83
Occupation: Retired English Teacher
Residence: San Francisco, CA
Performance Date: March 21, 2015
Primary Language: English

Informant: Three ladies were visiting with each other, and one lady said, “I just don’t know what’s happening to me. My mind wanders. I tried to put a broom in the refrigerator the other day!”

The other lady—the second lady—said, “I know what you mean! I was—my husband and I were watching television the other day and I wanted to say something to him, but I couldn’t remember his name!”

The third lady said, “Well, thank goodness nothing like that has happened to me.”

[informant leans forward to knock on wooden table—knock on wood]

“Yes, come in!”

The informant (my grandmother) was born and raised in Texas. She spent many years moving from place to place across the world with her husband, a banker, before settling in Connecticut long enough to work as an English teacher at the Greenwich Country Day School. She currently lives in San Francisco, CA.

The informant told me that this joke had gone viral at the old person’s home in which she lives. I believe that this joke might be popular with such an audience because they can relate to the troubles the three aging women face—deteriorating memory, both short term and long term. The punch line of the joke is that the woman who claims to be the most mentally competent and unaffected by aging is, in fact, the one who can’t tell that her own knock on the wooden table isn’t a knock on the door. The joke assumes that the audience knows what the practice of “knocking on wood” means.

Czech Funeral

Nationality: American
Age: 20
Occupation: student
Residence: Los Angeles, CA
Performance Date: 2014-04-29
Primary Language: English
Language: Spanish

“I went to a funeral recently for my Czech nanny who passed away recently. Hana practically raised me, so her death was very, very difficult for me. I thought that I wouldn’t even be able to handle going to the funeral, my emotions were so high. But it was unlike any funeral I have ever been to. Most funerals are miserable, everybody crying, everybody in black. They’re awful experiences, and I hope you never have to go to one. But this one was different. This one was exactly what I needed to help grieve. So it was actually a celebration of her life. Whenever anyone spoke, they were just to recall fun times they had had together. Her favorite music was playing. Everyone was wearing bright colors. The old and the young were all mingling and engaging with one another. It was beautiful. I think that’s how a lot of the world celebrates death, or at least they should. I think I heard someone say that it’s the Czech . . . or I guess Slavic people in general have a healthier outlook on death than most.”

The informant has never lived outside of her hometown in Orange County. The experience was so novel to her that it began to represent much of her understanding of modern European culture, as she now believes that such funeral practices are more common in Europe. The informant really stressed the communion of the old and young at this funeral, as no one was segregated into groups based on age or gender. Given the deep Catholic and Eastern Orthodox traditions of the Baltic regions of Europe, such an funeral seems very uncharacteristic, given traditional Christian death rituals. Perhaps this informant’s experience is indicative of changing times in which, as she said, a healthier outlook on death has become the norm.

The Ghost of Grandma Badger

Nationality: Hispanic/White
Age: 50
Occupation: Long shore man
Residence: Huntington Beach, CA
Performance Date: 4/29/14
Primary Language: English

The Ghost of Grandma Badger

            Personal Background:

            My dad is a long shore man in the port in San Pedro, California. He currently lives in Huntington Beach, California, although he grew up in San Pedro. He has a mother who is Mexican and a father who is European, so he was able to experience two very different side when he was growing up.

            Seeing a Ghost:

When my dad lost his grandmother, he had a moment when he was walking in his house and he passed by her old room, and out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw her. It turned out it was just the television on a stand. It was a brown television on a brown stand, and he said, “The stand was about four eleven, and she was about four eleven. She also used to wear clothes that were that exact brown.”

He is someone who does not believe in ghosts, he thinks that it may have actually been his grandmother standing there for a second. They spent a lot of time together, and they even shared a room at one point with her. He says it seemed so real, even though it was just for a second. Now, whenever he goes to his parents’ house, he does not like being there alone. If he ever has to be there for any reason alone, he says he, “gets the hell out of there,” as fast as he can. They have rooms in the house that people do not use, so it makes him uncomfortable to be there.

Analysis:

To me, my dad saw thought he saw his grandma because he missed her. She had just died, and he had been very close to her. In a way I do believe him since he is my dad and he is someone I trust. From the etic view, it may seem strange, but to him it is not strange at all. It also shows how death affects people in America. It is something that is depressing, while in other parts of the world is not seen that way. Death can be something that makes people see and hear things they did not believe in before.

Funerals in Mexico

Nationality: Mexican American
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, CA
Performance Date: 4/18/2013
Primary Language: English
Language: Spanish

Informant Bio: Informant is a friend and fellow business major.  He is a sophomore at the University of Southern California Marshall School of Business.  His family is from Mexico.  He has moved around both Mexico and the U.S., spending significant time in Illinois.  He currently lives in Southern California.

 

Context: I was interviewing Stan about folk beliefs and traditions that he has been exposed to.  He shared with me the characteristics of Mexican funerals.

 

Item: “Um, funerals really depend and vary from person to person and family to family.  The range of emotion is very great.  Everything is acceptable.  Hispanic people are very expressive with feelings: wailing, yelling, screaming, and, pounding on the casket (in Colombia) are all acceptable ways of expressing yourself.  There’s no real, like, ‘you have to act in a certain way,’ as long as you have respect for the dead.  One can grieve however they see fit.  Most of the time, there is a casket and subsequent burial.  Husbands get buried next to their wives, and, wealthier people sometimes have mausoleums.

 

People who leave Mexico like to come back to be buried there.  Like, there was this famous Mexican song about this whole thing: Mexico my beloved, if I happen to die away from you, let them tell everyone that I am just sleeping till I come back”.

 

Informant Analysis: The family unit is really important in Mexico.  Religion is also important.  People always get anointed on the death bed as holy rituals are extremely important.  Your final moments and this tradition are important for the person to pass away with a clear conscience and be ready for final judgment.

 

Analysis: Death in Mexico is treated a little bit differently than here in the U.S.  Mexico has more of a tradition of being more open with the topic and treatment of death, seen with the Day of the Dead ritual, in which people celebrate the lives of their ancestors instead of grieving about their passing.  This is shown in the relative openness of grieving behaviors and emotions as compared to the accepted morbid mood that is expressed at U.S. funerals.

 

The significance of the song is that Mexican people have strong national and ethnic pride.  Even if they have left their native land, they still feel a strong connection to their true “home” and never forget their roots and heritage.  This is shown in their desire to have their final resting place be in the land of Mexico, being buried next to their family and closest partner.

Giving Watches to Elders

Nationality: American
Age: 21
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 4/20/2013
Primary Language: English
Language: Chinese

“You can never give someone older than you a watch of some sort because it symbolizes that they should be watching out for time because it’s like telling them that they are going to die soon.”

My informant heard this from an ex-boyfriend, and she later confirmed it with her Chinese mother.  Since hearing it, she has tried to practice this because she sees it as a way to respect her elders by not giving them reminders of their imminent deaths.  She also is now wary of giving watches out as presents because she wants to respect people who also believe that they are being told to watch out for time.  I find it interesting that there is a pun in the English version of the belief: giving of a physical watch and to watch out for time.  However, I doubt that this exists in the Chinese version of the folk belief.  The fact that there is a precaution against giving an elder something as simple as a watch goes to show the focus on the older Chinese generations.  The focus is on respecting the elders—and the culture is so serious about the respect that even the gift of a watch could offend, so it is better to just avoid the situation entirely.