My informant is Persian, but was born and raised in America. Her mother used to sing a Persian nursery rhyme that was very similar to the American version of “This Little Piggy.” For those unaware of “This Little Piggy”, it involves pointing to each toe with a corresponding line in the song. My informant did not know the original lyrics in Farsi to the nursery rhyme, but she gave me her own translation of the song:

*Point to pinky toe*

The first toe is a bird that tries to drink water out of a pond and it falls into the water.

*Point to ring toe*

The next toe says let’s go steal something.

*Point to middle toe*

And the next one says what shall we go steal.

*Point to long toe*

And the other says gold jewelry.

*Point to big toe*

And the next one says I have a big head.

My informant said that the song in Farsi had a lot of words that rhymed. This is a common attribute of nursery rhymes since it makes it easier for children to remember and sing. This Persian song and “This Little Piggy” both utilize the physical body in singing the song; this physical attribute is also another common component of nursery rhymes. Typically the parent is the one to point to the child’s foot while singing the song, and at the end they tickle the child’s foot. I think that this action creates a bond between the parent and child as the child is anxiously waiting for the moment to come.

“Tarof is a term we use to describe the form of etiquette or I guess concept that we have in our culture. For example, when someone comes over to your house, the host just keeps offering them food, and then more food and more food. Something my mom always says is ‘Ghaabell nadaare’. It’s a really common phrase that people use. I guess it basically means ‘you can have it.’ My mom was just telling me that when you go into stores, like the lady will just say ‘Oh it’s all yours, you don’t have to pay.’ But since it’s in their culture, the person shopping obviously knows that they still have to pay. It’s just part of our culture to kind of just say that out of courtesy. Also when you go out to dinner with multiple families, the two males of each household will basically fight over who pays for the check. It can be offensive to someone if they let the person pay without first offering to pay for it themselves. Tarof is just a form of civility.”

I think the ideals behind tarof are commonly shared among all Asian cultures. In Korean culture, it is very common at dinner for the male figures at dinner to fight over the check. It’s interesting how this culture works because it’s heavily based on understanding the real underlying meaning or implications of what the speaker is saying. For example, if the store keeper from my friend’s story had told me “you can have it”, I would not have understood that it was simply her way of being polite. She did not literally mean I could take the item. It would have required an understanding of tarof to recognize what she was really implying.

“In Korea, you don’t lock eye contact. It’s extremely rude, especially to elders–you should look down. Older people would be extremely offended. That’s a huge deal in Korea. But in America it’s rude if you don’t make eye contact or it can come off as passive. When I first came to America, the teacher noticed my lack of eye contact and told me to makes sure to make eye contact is part of key communication. Literally my English teacher asked me ‘Are you shy? You should be more confident and try to be yourself. You really have to present yourself. Your attitude has to be looking straight in the eye and being confident and expressing yourself.’ I told her in a respectful way that in Korea to respect your teacher, you never look them in the eye.”

While speaking, my informant made sure to really emphasize how rude it is to make eye contact with superiors–even if they’re only a year older. Koreans place a heavy emphasis on displaying respect towards elders. Therefore, by locking eyes you are implying that you are of equal status. There is a whole science behind the implications of using eye contact in East Asia. However, for Koreans it is just a cultural practice/etiquette that they learn naturally from each other.