Armenian Genie Joke

Age: 40
Occupation: Driver
Residence: LA
Primary Language: Armenian

[Translated from Armenian] Three neighbors come across a genie lamp in the city. 

The genie pops out and says, “For finding me each of you gets a single wish of your heart’s desire. But, be forewarned that whatever you wish for, the other two guys get the same but 10 times better.

The first guy says, “I want a Mercedes Benz.” And the genie grants his wish. So, the first guy is driving around feeling good about himself when he pulls up to his driveway and sees Ferarris, Lamborginis, and Porches parked on their lots.

The second guy say, “Genie, I want a big house.” And the genie grants his wish. So the second guy is happy, running around his new house checking out all the rooms, until he looks out the window and sees his neighbors’ towering mansions. 

The third guy looks around and says, “Genie, you know what? Just give me (high pitched voice) a weeee little heart attack.”

Context: This joke was told at a birthday party over food and drinks. The performer and audience were quite drunk.

Thoughts: This is funny because the third guy already has everything he could have asked for and didn’t want to be outdone by, and become jealous of his neighbors by wishing for something else. Instead, the punchline is implies that a “weeee little heart attack” would be tolerable for him but 10 times that would deadly for his neighbors. Problem solved.

Armenian Donkey Laser

Age: 40
Occupation: Driver
Residence: LA
Primary Language: Armenian

[Translated from Armenian] When the Soviet Union launched the Sputnik satellite, the whole world was on scared about the type of technology the country had. One day the Armenian general heard that Turkish forces were planning some kind of attack on the Armenian border (which was a part of the USSR). The area have enough troops stationed there, and reinforcements would have taken days to arrive. Armenian is known for its mountains, and the general had the idea to strap a donkey with a bunch of flashlights and use it as a way to trick the Turks. That night, soldiers taped a bunch of flashlights on a donkey, and kicks the donkey in the rear on top of a mountain near the border. The donkey started running  down the mountain kicking around from being startled, which made the flashlights swing around everywhere. The Turkish forces at the bottom of the mountain see something unusual approaching them. Not knowing what it was, they feared it was some sort of advanced Soviet war laser and retreated from the border, not realizing it was just a donkey.

Context: This was story the informant heard from his father, who heard during his time in soviet army 

Analysis: This story parallels a Persian war story I have collected (see Nader Shah – 10,000 Goats), however this version takes place hundreds of years after the Iranian one. In both versions animals (goats/donkey) were used to outsmart and scare enemy forces from an attack using elements of light (fire/flashlights) in dark settings. Being that Iran and Armenia are neighbors, it is not unlikely a story like this would be shared between cultures and adapted for their own use. Initially I believed the Armenian version was possibly true, because it sounded plausible and I was biased. But, having heard two different variants of a similar plot, I’m dubious as to whether the events in either legend are true.

Chaque torchon trouve sa guenille – Quebec Proverb

Occupation: Life Coach
Residence: LA
Primary Language: French

French: Chaque torchon trouve sa guenille

Translation: Each dishcloth finds its own rag

Meaning: Even the deplorable find a soul mate

Context: Informant is of French Canadian decent, born and raised in Montreal Quebec. She came to the US in her mid-twenties, and Quebecois proverbs are central to her upbringing and something she employs in her career as a life coach. This proverb was casually shared with me over lunch with the informant. 

Thoughts: This is a lot like, “to each his own” or “birds of a feather flock together” but with a negative connotation. Due to the lack of context provided by the informant, I interpreted this proverb as being used to console someone that might have been cheated on.

Péché avoué est à moitié pardonné – Quebec Proverb

Occupation: Life Coach
Residence: LA
Primary Language: French

French: Péché avoué est à moitié pardonné

Translation: confessed sin is half forgiven

Meaning: [informant] A confessed fault will be judged with more leniency

Context: Informant is of French Canadian decent, born and raised in Montreal Quebec. She came to the US in her mid-twenties, and Quebecois proverbs are central to her upbringing and something she employs in her career as a life coach. This proverb was casually shared with me over lunch with the informant.

Thoughts: Apart for leniency, I took this proverb to sort of provide a roadmap to make amends with someone. For example the first step to making something right is to confess.

Petit train va loi – Quebec Proverb

Occupation: Life Coach
Residence: LA
Primary Language: French

French: Petit train va loi

Translation:  little train goes far

Meaning: slowly but surely

Context: Informant is of French Canadian decent, born and raised in Montreal Quebec. She came to the US in her mid-twenties, and Quebecois proverbs are central to her upbringing and something she employs in her career as a life coach. This proverb was casually shared with me over lunch with the informant. She uses this proverb when clients downplay their ability to do something.

Thoughts: This proverbs seems to capture the collective sprit of popular sayings such as “size doesn’t matter,” “consistency is key,” and “it’s not a race, it’s a marathon.” The size of the train doesn’t matter, all it has to do is just keep chugging along and it will reach it’s goals. Endurance and determination are greater than strength.