Tag Archives: marriage

Tradition – Kazakhstan

Nationality: Kazakh
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, CA
Performance Date: April 2, 2008
Primary Language: Russian
Language: English, Japanese

It is the duty of a dead man’s brother to marry his brother’s widowed wife.

Saltah told me that this was the custom in Kazakhstan in the past. When I asked if it still happens, she told me that it is not usual, but it does still sometimes happen. Also, she added that men used to marry multiple wives in Kazakhstan—as long as they could afford to support them all. Although this is not legal anymore, Saltah said she heard of instances where people do this anyway. According to her, the wives say that as long as they are comfortably supported and given separate houses, they are fine with the traditional arrangement.

I think that these traditions together show a much more traditional attitude toward marriage, as opposed to the contemporary associations of marriage and love. Rather than a vehicle for love, these customs seem to view marriage as partnerships to ensure financial and filial stability. The traditional gender roles are clearly emphasized over any notion of love. The duty of a husband is not to love his wife, but to food on the table. A sympathetic brother would want to make sure his brother’s wife is well taken care of; under these understandings of marriage, to marry the widow would be an ideal way to provide for her. Because there is little association between marriage and love, this does not bring about issues of jealousy the way a comparable relationship might in the US. This would also explain why the multiple wives did not mind the polygamy. Loyalty and affection are secondary, perhaps of little meaning to them. As long as the husband can fulfill his duty as breadwinner for all of the wives, they are satisfied. And because he can fulfill his duties as a husband to a greater degree than most men, it would make sense that he should receive a higher than average proportion of benefits afforded by the wives’ traditional role: more offspring.

Wedding Traditions/Superstitions – China

Nationality: Chinese, Malaysian
Age: 49
Occupation: Homemaker
Performance Date: 2008
Primary Language: English
Language: Cantonese, Hakka

Chinese Wedding Traditions and Superstitions

Ancient customs and old wives’ tales have been handed down from generations to generations.  As a young girl I was told not to leave any rice behind in my bowl or else, I will end up marrying a guy with lots of acne or poke marks.  It is also a taboo to marry someone with the same surname as it means that you’re marrying the same bloodline.  Ancient customs do blood test by pricking their finger and dropping their blood in a bowl of water.  If the two mix together, then supposedly you’re related.

If one does end up getting married, there’s a lot of taboo and customs to follow like when a couple gets married, the groom has to carry the bride over a pan of burning coals when they first enter their new home so that when she is pregnant, she will give birth successfully and with ease. Since maintaining and passing down the surname of the family is very important, having a son as a firstborn is a priority. Therefore, a young male child will be asked to first lie down on the bed before the couple does.  It is also believed that putting some auspicious food under the bed will bring lots of children and harmony with the newlyweds.

During pregnancy, it is believed that hammering and renovation of the home will lead to miscarriages or deformities.  Eating a particular kind of food can help determine the kind of baby the woman gives birth to– like if you eat light colored food or drink plenty of milk, the baby will have a fair complexion.  Eating crabs will lead to an overactive baby and blotchy complexion.

After giving birth, it is not recommended to attend any weddings or funerals for the first 100days– it is believed it might bring ill health or misfortune to either families.

Analysis:

Ms. Yong heard these customs growing up as a child in Malaysia.  She was one of seven girls, so the topic of marriage was always a favorite.  She is not too sure if her own parents practiced these traditions, although if they did, it would be quite ironic since only the last two children, out of the nine in her family, were boys. Now, however, as a grown woman, she is more skeptical about some of these beliefs saying, “I probably do not believe that leaving rice behind in your bowl means you will marry a man with poke marks [or acne] on his face”.  My mother has some doubts on the truth behind these beliefs, but it should be emphasized that that is not be the point.  I’m sure most folklore could be disproved with science, but that takes all the fun out of it.  Passing down tradition and beliefs is what creates a culture.  Without it, everything would be black and white with no room for imagination.  One should not worry about the validity of lore but rather the experience of being able to know it (part of it’s folk) and the ability to tell it to future generations, ensuring its survival.

The wedding traditions seem very typical to me of Chinese culture.  One superstition in particular stood out, that of wanting a son as one’s firstborn. Chinese people put a lot of importance on one’s surname.  Throughout history, male babies were of preference over female.  Males would not only be more helpful to the family business, which back then was mostly farming and agriculture, but also in passing on the family name.  This tradition is not changed, even in the twenty first century.  When modern China realized it needed to take action on their enormous population (currently around 1.4 billion), they imposed a “one couple, one child” law.  This encouraged new families to only have one child; if they were to have more they were stripped of benefits and tax breaks.  The policy worked for its purpose, but it also generated serious side effects.  Deserted and even dead babies started turning up in dumpsters, rivers, and everywhere imaginable.  As one can guess, these babies were all female.

This reality is very depressing but it proves just how powerful tradition is.  Modern Chinese would not behave in that manner if their culture did not emphasize the importance of a surname.  This can be paralleled with American culture, where most couples are indifferent about the sex of their child.  Some may be concerned with their family name dying out, but with our increasingly liberal society, hyphenated surnames are ever more common.  I have never heard of a Chinese woman keeping her maiden name, which may be more reason for this unfortunate circumstance to continue.   Folklore, surprisingly, does indeed carrying significance in a culture and can even be the reason behind people’s actions.

Family Tradition

Nationality: Mexican
Age: 41
Occupation: Registered Dental Assistant
Residence: San Diego, CA
Performance Date: April 16, 2008
Primary Language: English
Language: Spanish

Estela Flores had a family tradition where a handkerchief was passed down as a good luck symbol for the women of her family to carry when they walked down the aisle. It was a handkerchief that her great great grandmother embroidered and it was white and lacey and had embellishments in the corner. Since there were several daughters in the family it was passed back to the mother to keep for the next wedding. It served as a security blanket for her family.

When Estela’s own wedding approached she was given the handkerchief. She carried it down the aisle with her but was not able to recall how she managed to lose it between the church and the reception. She felt an immense amount of guilt at the time but as she reflected back on the situation, she realized the loss of the handkerchief was mostly likely a bad omen, as her marriage ended thereafter.

As a result her younger sister who married after her never got to carry the special handkerchief but her mom found something similar that she had from her youth and so the tradition has carried on although not with the original item. The family wanted to ensure that this family tradition carries throughout the generations are so were willing to sacrifice the real handkerchief in order to keep the ritual alive.

This tradition is specific to the Flores family but in many circumstances people possess items that they believe to be lucky or unlucky. Some people have certain “good luck” items they have with them before important exams or others have specific game day preparations that need to occur in order for them to succeed.

I don’t know that one specific item can cause good or bad luck but I do think it affects the way one views a situation. If one had the initial outset that an object will affect their performance than it is more likely they will actually perform better. It is not the object that causes the change in performance but rather one’s mental preparation.

Weddings have a lot of superstition involved with them. There is the standard, “something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue” concept associated with weddings, where the bride is “required” to collect all these items before the marriage ceremony.

Committing to marriage is a large step in all people’s lives and in many cases there is insecurity as to whether one is making the right choice. As a result, people rely on superstitions to ease this uncertainty. By making sure to bring along good luck charms or doing little rituals to rid any bad luck people feel more comfortable with their weddings. For example it is rumored to be bad luck for the bride to see her groom right before the ceremony. This seems ridiculous as this one meeting does not seem to correlate with luck in the future and whether the couple will succeed. Yet people are certain to keep the bride and groom separate in order to increase chances of a good future.

Some people believe that the future is predetermined and that man does not have the freewill to affect his future. However, others do believe that through certain practices or customs they can bring prosperity and good fortune.