Tag Archives: priest jokes

Two priests driving down a freeway

JM is a current student at USC and a very funny guy.  He is a comedian and is pursuing a career based on writing and comedy. He is Jewish and is from LA. 

“Two priests are driving down a freeway, a cop pulls up behind him, flashes his lights, and pulls him over. He gets out of his car and walks up to the priests and they roll down their window. The priests say ‘Can we help you officer’ and the officer goes ‘Yes gentleman, we’re looking for two child molesters.’ And the two priests look at each other, and then look back to the officer and go ‘we’ll do it”

JM- When I was in High School one of my friend’s dad was a comedy writer, and he told me this joke that I remembered forever. I thought it was funny the first time I heard it, but it became a lot more important to me after I got to use it as social currency.  My sophomore year of college, some buddies and I were trying to get into a frat party, first and last time, and uh, there was a bouncer at the door trying to charge for the party and we didn’t want to spend any money so the bouncer said ‘ well, if you tell me a joke that makes me laugh I’ll let you in for free’ and I told him this joke and he didn’t laugh but he just looked at me and nodded and let us walk inside. That was the only time a joke has saved me money.

ANALYSIS: This joke works well not only because of its very sudden and dark punchline but also because of its use of the Catholic Church priests as the punching bag. The structure of the joke doesn’t go exactly where one would expect, which gives it a memorable factor. Jokes about the Catholic church’s abuse of children have become exceptionally popular for many reasons. One reason is that joking about dark history and trauma makes it easier for people to talk about it. Many people wouldn’t know about the abuses of the Catholic Church if it weren’t for the commonality of these jokes. Furthermore, it’s easy to make jokes about pedophilic Catholic priests because there is a lack of remorse. Nobody has empathy for pedophiles, especially not when they come from a privileged position. The popularity of jokes about pedophilic Catholic priests work not only as humorous releases of trauma but also helps keep generations informed of these historical precedents.

Taxi Lawyer Joke

Nationality: American
Age: 20
Occupation: College Student
Residence: Saratoga, CA
Performance Date: 4/15/2013
Primary Language: English
Language: Korean

“So, this taxi driver used to be a lawyer, and he was a really successful lawyer until one day he screwed up in court.  For whatever logistical reasons, he lost his lawyership.  He became a taxi driver.  But you know, once you become a lawyer, you get a radar for lawyers.  So every time he sees a lawyer, he tries to run them down with taxi. (He gestured as if he was driving a taxi and running someone over).  One day, a priest got in his car.  He saw a lawyer, and he was getting excited to hit him.  He remembered there was a priest in the car though so he changed his mind, and he swerved at the last minute.  He heard a clunk, and the lawyer was dead.  He turned around and whispered, ‘I’m sorry father.  I didn’t mean to.’  The priest replied, ‘That’s okay. I got him with the door.'”

The informant learned the joke at Boy Scout camp over one summer.   He said it was one of the jokes they would tell around the campfire.  He doesn’t tell the joke regularly, but he was really entertained as he told it to me.

The joke plays to a lot of different groups.  It makes fun of lawyers in a way while also reaching out to taxi drivers and priests.  The joke finds its humor from the fact that the priest who is supposed to be good purposefully hurts the lawyer instead of the ex-lawyer who had previously been bad.  The joke takes on religion and purity in a humorous manner, but it can also just be seen as a good funny narrative joke.  I found the joke funny myself because the ending is so unexpected.

 

Pious Man on the Roof

Nationality: American
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Performance Date: 4/19/12
Primary Language: English

From interview with informant:

“So there was this one day this very pious man got trapped on top of his house during a flood. And then there was–a rowboat came by, and the guy rowing the rowboat was like, ‘Hey, get in the rowboat, you know, I’ll save you.’ And he was like ‘No thanks, you know, I’m a religious guy, I pray every day, I go to church. God we’ll save me. It’s awesome. You know, I’m good. God’s got me covered.'”

“Then a jet-ski comes by, like a guy on a jet ski, and the guy on the jet ski goes ‘Hey dude, get on the jet ski, survive. We’ll, you know, we’ll get out of here, get to safe ground.’ And he’s like ‘Uh, you know, uh, I’m a Christian, it’s cool. God loves me, he takes care of me. Jesus loves me. I go to church every Sunday, I’ll be fine.'”

“Then another guy comes by in a helicopter and this, like, safety patrol team is like getting people like airlifted out and he’s like ‘No, I’m good helicopter, it’s fine, God will save me.’

“And then he drowns. And he gets up to heaven and he talks to God and he goes ‘God, why didn’t you save me, why did you let that happen to me?’ And God’s like, ‘I sent you a rowboat, a jet ski, and a helicopter.”

He then briefly reflected:

“The priest who told it to me said like, that was like a joke priests invented to like, sort of inspire religious faith and, you know, God can only help so much, or some crap like that. Like God can only help those who help themselves.”

I agree pretty much entirely with that interpretation. I have no idea if that joke began with priests or not, but it certainly might have. I’ve definitely come across this piece a few times over the years, so I suspect it’s a fairly common example of religious humor.