Tag Archives: Three Kingdoms

Jokes about Cows (and your mom)

Text

What do you call a cow with no legs? (Pause) Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? (Pause) Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? (Extra long pause) Your mom.

Context

AL – I like to collect jokes, specifically puns, on various topics so that no matter what situation I am currently in, I can say, “Oh, I know a joke about that!” I have found that most people have a love/hate relationship with puns; they tend to love telling them and hate hearing them. I mostly tell puns to family and friends, and their anger and frustration fuels me. Though my friends groan and sigh every time they hear a pun, they will still send me any good ones that they find. I also find puns on various social media platforms, in books, and on the occasional popsicle stick. Any time that I find or am sent a pun that I like, I write it in a book that I keep specifically for this purpose. My very favorite kinds of puns are the ones that are long and drawn out, ones that are a paragraph, maybe two, and you get to the end and the last line is a clever pun that uses many elements of the story that came before it. My second favorite kinds of puns are the short rude/dirty ones, because in addition to the reaction you get for any other pun, you also get the shock reaction from the vulgarity. I save the more risqué puns for close friends, as I don’t want to offend the delicate sensibilities of people that I don’t know very well.

Analysis

The three jokes must be told together. The first two are just generally in the category of “bad” jokes meant to get the listener to roll their eyes. Then there is a third joke, completing the rule of thirds, where two similar jokes feels like an unfinished trio, and four feels like too many. This third joke must be told last, because, as the rule of thirds often signifies, something unexpected happens in the third occurrence. The extra long pause the informant adds between the set-up and the punchline amplifies this expectation. The third joke is expected to be another eye-rolling joke, but it turns out to bring the trilogy into the genre of “your mom” jokes.

Guan Yu and Hua Tuo (关羽和华佗)

Nationality: Singaporean Chinese
Occupation: Teacher
Residence: Singapore
Performance Date: March 2007
Primary Language: Chinese
Language: English, Hinghwa, Hokkien

在三国年代，关羽，一位蜀国将军在大战时候， 被一个沾满了毒的箭被射在左臂，无药可救。原因是关羽不限离开战场半步，毒已经流入骨头吸不出来。但那时都有一位神医， 名叫华佗。没其他办法，蜀国的将军请华佗来救关羽的一臂和一命。

华佗一看伤口就便告诉关羽必须开手术要开肉刮骨。华佗问他要不要把他麻醉一下。 关羽说他不怕痛，这样就可以开始了。

华佗来自前关羽跟一位官，马良， 下棋。动手术的时候，旁边的观众听到刀刮骨头的时候都受不了。但关羽不停的下棋，喝酒，有时候还笑， 好像不痛的样子。几分钟之后，刮完了。华佗就便缝关伤口，缝完了，关羽称华佗的医术无比，臂也不痛了。工作做完了，华佗就默默离开。

During the period of the Three Kingdoms, Guan Yu, a prominent general in the Shu army was poisoned by a poisoned arrow in his left arm during battle. The army doctors could find no way to treat it, in part due to the fact that Guan Yu refused to leave the battlefield and the poisoned had seeped into the bone. However, there was also a very famous physician that lived during that time by the name of Hua Tuo. Left with no other recourse, the other generals invited Hua Tuo to look at Guan Yu’s arm.

After examining his arm, Hua Tuo told Guan Yu that he needed to operate and asked if he needed or wanted to be anesthetized during this operation as it was very painful. The operation included scraping the poison off the bone and this was unbearable for most people. Guan Yu just laughed and told Hua Tuo to just go ahead because he was not scared of a little pain.

While this was going on, Guan Yu was playing chess with another official from the country of Shu by the name of Ma Liang. During the whole operation, not once did Guan Yu complain of the pain, even though everyone around him cringed at the sound of the knife scraping bone. Moments later, the operation was over and Guan Yu praised Hua Tuo’s skills, but Hua Tuo refused to accept any reward and left as suddenly as he came.

 

This story was told to my informant by his father when he was a young child growing up in China during the 1950s. According to my informant, this story is part of a very famous saga about a time of discord in history. However, he says that this particular legend is most likely not true because, while Guan Yu did receive an arm wound such as this, it was the right arm and not the left. Additionally, by the time this injury occurred, the doctor mentioned in this tale was killed twelve years prior due to the paranoia of the ruler of another kingdom.

The period that this is set in is very real. There were three countries that were warring over control of China after the Han dynasty. Guan Yu was part of the Kingdom of Shu and the other two countries were Wei and Wu. The stories of these times were eventually written down and compiled in a book called, Romance of the Three Kingdoms or 三国演义。

However, this story is still very interesting and is still passed down from generation to generation. Firstly, because it is an interesting story, but also to prove to toughness of the Chinese people and how wonderful Chinese medicine was before Hua Tuo was killed and all his works burnt. Hua Tuo was actually (after his death) known as the “God of Medicine” and his name is used to call brilliant doctors these days.

 

Annotation: Can be found in羅貫中. 三国演义 . China: 中华书局: 2005