Author Archives: Max Retik

Kill, Kiss, Marry

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Nationality: American
Age: 11
Residence: NJ
Performance Date: March 18 2017
Primary Language: English

Informant is my 11 year old sister who goes to middle school in NJ. This game is called “Kill, Kiss, Marry” which is a familiar concept if not more PG than the “Kill, F**k, Marry” that I usually hear it called. But she’s 11, so I’ll gladly take “Kiss.”

“You probably know this game already. What you do is take three people and ask your friends to rank them in order of who they would want to Kill, Kiss, or get married to. Even if you like all three you have to kill one, so that makes it hard……….. also, it’s best to play it to make your friends awkward. So if the three people are in the room or if you know they like one of them, that’s a good time to play.”

I asked her if it was customary to give reasons for the ordering. “You can if you want, but you don’t have to,” she told me.

It’s interesting that this kind of game exists on the adult and kid levels. I wonder where she heard it from originally. I think at their age, these kids play the game as a way to rank their friends or make each other uncomfortable— not because they actually want to kill, kiss, or marry one another.

Pointy Thing Joke

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Nationality: American
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Residence: LA
Performance Date: March 22
Primary Language: English

Informant is USC sophomore in the film program.

The subject is the “Pointy Thing” meme which has circulated through the USC student body this year. I ask informant to pull up his Facebook account and log into a group with about 15,000 members where students make and share memes with each other, usually about the school or the different majors.

Scrolling through a number of posts liked between 500 and 3,000 times, he arrives at one which depicts a man in a white T-shirt with one arm in the air. The president of the University is photoshopped in place the face, and “Pointy Things” are raining down across the image*.

“Pointy Things… they’re legendary. What can I say?” he tells me. “They just got put up this semester. They’re these pointy obstacles by all the USC gates. And they’re a waste of money because they don’t have a purpose, but we all got together to make fun of how ridiculous it is.”

The image has about 5K reactions in the Facebook group. I think it’s cool how all these USC students can come together in a group to make jokes with one another about the school they share. In a way, it’s kind of unifying.

“Yeah, they went all out. Pointy things in the Matrix was done, somebody 3D printed a pointy thing. Beating a dead horse at this point but people will like it if you make it” he tells me.

*The image was based on the popular Salt Bae meme, in which Turkish chef Nusret Gökçe is seen sprinkling salt in a fancy manner.

Creepy Clown Story

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Nationality: American
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Residence: NY
Performance Date: March 22
Primary Language: English

Informant is USC sophomore born and raised in Amherst, NY.

He tells me the story of a “deranged clown” he and his friends came across in the summer of 2016.

He tells me:

“Yeah, we were walking in the forest by my house. I was going to shoot some pictures and my two friends were with me. It was like noon, a perfectly normal day.

So I was going to take some portraits and then we were going to go see a movie. It was so normal, but as we’re walking down the path in the forest— it’s behind the school, we went all the time so this was no different— I saw this color out of the corner of my eye.

And this was happening right around the time when all those clowns were showing up in videos. So my first thought was “oh god, a clown.” And so I turned and there he— it— was, a clown standing in the forest. It looked like he was holding a knife, I saw a glisten which could have been a knife, but also maybe a phone or something. A watch glistening or something, but I’m pretty sure it was a knife.

He wasn’t looking at us but immediately I had a flash back to a video I saw where a clown started chasing someone at like, full speed. So I wasted no time and we high tailed it out of there.

Usually I don’t believe in this kind of stuff. Honestly I thought those clown videos were just all faked. But when you see one yourself, and you think that somebody’s crazy enough to go stand in the forest dressed like that, you don’t care what’s faked. You get the fuck out of there!”

Personally I’m also skeptical of this “killer clown” thing. It seems a little too “Hollywood” to be true to me, it kind of taps into this scary movie fear we have as a society. I don’t know if I actually believe he saw a clown, or if he even believes he did. Part of me thinks he’s just playing off of the trend and wanted to have a creepy clown story of his own.

I also wonder about the “scary clown” thing— why is it true? What’s so scary about clowns, or as a society did we choose to make the clown scary because it’s a better narrative?

“Well, then it must have been a lie.”

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Nationality: American
Age: 76
Residence: FL
Performance Date: April 10
Primary Language: English
Language: Yiddish

Informant is grandmother, currently living in Florida having lived most of her life in New Jersey. I have never heard this saying before nor has anybody I’ve asked.

This saying always comes after somebody has just forgotten what they were going to say— lost train of thought. Reenacted by her and her granddaughter, this is how it goes:

 

Granddaughter: “Hey Bubbe, guess what?”

Bubbe: “What?”

Granddaughter: “Actually, I forget.”

Bubbe: “Well then it must have been a lie!”

 

You’re supposed to say that anytime somebody forgets their train of thought. It’s a pretty cute thought and people in the room laughed when they heard it. I think it also highlights one of my grandmother’s core values which is honesty. The joke is funny because it discounts whatever one was trying to say, but forgot.

“Doesn’t matter, it must have been a lie! You’d remember it if it were true” Bubbe tells me.

Raindrop, Drop Top Joke

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Nationality: American
Age: 11
Residence: NJ
Performance Date: March 18
Primary Language: English

Informant is my 11 year old sister who goes to middle school in NJ. The game is called “Raindrop, Drop Top” after a lyric in the song “Bad and Boujee” by the artist Migos. I had not heard of this game but apparently it is popular among kids in her grade.

“The game is basically, well, ok. It’s just a word game. Somebody types “Raindrop,” and then somebody else types “Droptop,” and then the third person has to come up with a funny rhyme.
She opens her phone and shows me a conversation.

Kid #1: “Raindrop”

Kid #2: “Droptop”

Kid #3: “Spongebob never made it to the bus stop*.”

“So basically somebody just has to come up with some kind of rhyme. That’s how it works.”

She shows me another one:

Kid #1: “Raindrop”

Kid #2: “Droptop”

Kid #3: “I think my dog is allergic to tater tots.”

The format of the game is interesting but reminds me of something I might have done when I was her age. I was also surprised that she was referencing the Migos song because Migos is not necessarily a kid-friendly artist. I asked her how the game gets started. She replied “Somebody just starts it. I don’t know, it depends if somebody wants to play or not.”

*This reference to “Spongebob never made it to the bus stop” can be seen in this clip, from the Nickelodeon show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqFGDkLyt8I