Monthly Archives: May 2018

Friendships Toast

Nationality: USA
Age: 20 (all)
Occupation: Students
Residence: Austin, TX
Performance Date: 2/17/18
Primary Language: English

The following is a toast collected from a group of five friends who recite a pledge aimed at their longstanding mutual friendship. The pledge is performed during communal games involving alcohol, particularly ‘beer pong’ which is played between teams of two along the ends of a tall rectangular table.

 

The rules and practice of said game do not apply to the situation of the toast besides the table on which the game is played, which plays an integral and symbolic part to the performance of the toast. Therefore, the rules of the game will not be explained further outside of any direct relation to the proceedings of the toast.

 

The context of the situation proceeds as such:

The five friends gather around a handmade table constructed from available and basic wood materials. The table itself is kept at the host participant’s home, whose name has been excluded. While the participant is not the exclusive host to every party, each use of the table and recital of the toast is reserved to his home.

 

While there is no designated time during these parties for the toast to occur, it often falls after a few rounds of initial play of any alcohol-centered games, where everyone will have had at least one turn playing and thus have ingested sufficient amounts of alcohol to be slightly intoxicated at the very least.

 

At this point, each member of the group gathers around the table. The toast itself goes as follows:

 

(recited altogether)

“There are good ships, there are wood ships. There are ships that sail the sea. But the best ships, are friendships. So here’s to you and me!”

 

Each member of the group then simultaneously taps their beer can on the table and raises it up to drink. While raising their drinks, everyone together says (with less intensity)

 

“Down with Hitler.”

 

Each member then drinks until satisfied.

 

The pledge itself is a cheerful acknowledgment of the mutual bonds of friendship between each participant, and for the group as a whole. The concluding mention of “Down with Hitler” serves as a humorous reference to the host participant’s Jewish heritage, serving as a sarcastic assurance of false machismo that underlines the lightheartedness of the toast itself.

 

The table on which the toast is centered is constructed with dimensions of around 8 feet-by-2 feet and standing at waist height. Its top is painted with horizontal stripes of blue, green, yellow, and red, giving it a vibrant and outstanding place in the room.

 

Written in permanent marker across the top of the table are the words to the toast itself, along with various doodles such as star-bound rockets and bizarre imaginary creatures.

 

The names of each participant, accompanied by self-applied nicknames (often overly elaborate and nonsensical, otherwise only a vague relation to a defining characteristic of each person) meant to be referenced in an exclusively ironic manner.

 

These nicknames include:

 

Dr. Dreidel

A play on the stage name of popular rapper Dr. Dre and a reference to the participant’s Jewish faith.

 

Dookie Prada-G

The second part of the name a reference towards rappers’ tendencies to reference high-end clothing brands in their music in public image, itself a play on the word ‘prodigy’ despite Trevor’s complete lack of a musical background.

 

The other names of MC Betty, The Mist, and Boogiewitz 3000 are intentionally nonsensical, unrelated to the participant’s real names in any way. Thus, their humor is derived from this very nature of having no connection whatsoever to their makers.

 

 

 

 

 

Lapp Mug

Nationality: Finnish
Age: 54
Occupation: Nomad
Residence: Vuontisjärvi, Finland
Performance Date: 3/15/18
Primary Language: Finnish
Language: English, Saame

The item pictured is a traditional Lappish drinking cup/mug (known locally as a guksi) gifted to me by a local Saame (Lapp) woman while I was spending time in Finland in an area known as Lapland, which covers the northern expanse of the Nordic countries of Sweden, Finland, and Norway and is largely located within the Arctic Circle.

The Saame, the group to which the woman belongs, are a people indigenous to Lapland.

Although the woman did not speak English, my guide acted as an interpreter between us as I asked questions regarding the mug.

 

The mug itself is carved out of a single piece of wood collected from burls on birch tree trunks. The birch tree is ubiquitous in the Finnish wilderness and is the most commonly used material in the construction of most Lappish items, including the mug itself, sled frames, furniture, and even entire homes. Revered for its strong, hardy, and unyielding quality and capable shock resistance, the use of birch is an endless sight in Lapland.

 

The most significant characteristic of birch, as it relates to the mugs, is its antibacterial properties, which necessitates little to no cleaning. Thus, the mug bears with it benefits of both health and convenience. Any cleaning of the mug is to be conducted with a simple combination of cloth and water, as it is believed soap or detergents will damage the mug.

 

As for the actual construction of the mug, what is most noteworthy is the presence of two holes through which to place one’s fingers. This serves a practical purpose for maintaining additional stability as to not accidentally drop the mug, although the dual hole it is not a strict method of construction, as many guksis contain a single hole. Another benefit is the insulative properties of the wood when drinking hot liquids, as one can wrap their hand around the entirety of the mug without discomfort, as opposed to the tendency for ceramic mugs to become heated (hence the necessity of a handle.

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Finland/Lapland Dogsled Setup, Maintenance, Operation

Nationality: Finnish
Age: 32
Occupation: Dog Sled Guide
Residence: Kittila, Finland
Performance Date: 3/14/18
Primary Language: Finnish
Language: English

The following outlines the steps to setting up and arranging a traditional Lappish (northern Finnish) dogsled team, along with operating the various functions of the sled itself.

 

The process is one I learned from my guide during a weeklong excursion into the northern Finnish wilderness and subsequently practiced myself on a daily basis.

 

In the morning, after feeding the sled dogs, who are altogether kept along a chain line (attached by their collars), each member of the five-dog team is harnessed one-by-one onto the sled. Their harnesses are first slipped over their heads, with their collars then buckled to a line attached to the sled. Their front paws/legs must then be guided through two front straps. At this point, the dog can be considered securely attached.

 

A particular layout and order of the dogs is required for a one-man sled with about 50-100 lbs of cargo to be properly driven:

 

Two dogs are placed at the front of the line, one in the middle, and two in the back (closest to the sled). The dogs at the front are known as the lead dogs, typically reserved for those that are younger and less experienced, while the dogs at the back are known as the wheel dogs, the strongest and most capable of the pack. The dog in the middle, known as the center, is the dominant member of all five, meant to lead the wheel dogs on and keep the lead dogs in check should they misbehave.

 

The lead and wheel dogs are also buckled to each other, along with being attached to the sled line, as to keep their strides in sync and prevent any wandering from any direction that is not forwards.

 

If the sled is larger in size, or there is a greater amount of cargo (and thus more weight), more dogs will be needed. To do this, a set of three dogs (a single and a pair of leads) are attached to the front of the already present five, totaling eight. A greater number is typically unnecessary.

 

It should be noted that having a greater number of dogs on a smaller sled will not make it go any faster, as the dogs are all attached and therefore can only run at the same speed as an individual is capable. What it does serve to do is disperse the weight of the sled even more, and thus allow the dogs to travel for longer distances and amounts of time without becoming exhausted.

 

What is interesting to note is that the dogs, having been raised by Finnish trainers, respond only to commands in Finnish, unable to understand any other languages such as English. This is particularly important when driving the sled. As there are no steering-related controls, any shifts in direction must be verbally commanded to the dogs in Finnish, being either vasen (left) or oikea (right). However, steering is not often necessary as the dogs usually follow paths that are already made, leaving the commands to be reserved for turns and switches onto new paths. Should the dogs travel the wrong way, the driver must hop off the sled and manually guide the dogs back in the proper direction.

 

Getting off the sled arises the matter of braking, which is performed using the feet. A flat metal mandible bar is stepped on, the bottom of the bar containing two outward-sticking pieces of rebar that dig into the snow below, slowing or, if pressed completely down, halting the dogs.

 

Longer periods of braking require a large metal hook tied to the sled and hung off the side when not in use. To use this hook, one must have already braked the dogs to a halt with the manual step, then throwing the hook into a solid patch of snow/ice and lodging it firmly into the ground. This way, when the dogs attempt to move forward, the hook anchors them in place and prevents them from moving. Additional security can be managed by using another length of rope to tie the sled to a nearby tree.

 

Once back on the sled, (and if necessary, having removed the anchor hook from the ground) the driver lifts their foot from the brake and shouts at the dogs mennä (go) or juosta (run) in order to prompt their team to resume running.

 

I Love Food quip

Nationality: USA
Age: 25
Occupation: Radio
Residence: Nashville, TN
Performance Date: 4/16/18
Primary Language: English

The following is a brief quip taken from a cousin preceding a group excursion to lunch in rural Tennessee.

 

On deciding where to go, the driver of the car asked what kind of food everyone wanted. To which my cousin replied:

 

“I love food. I eat it every day.”

 

*Some quiet laughter from a few people*

 

“Sometimes more than once.”

 

*loud laughter ensues from the entire group*

 

This joke signifies the familiarity with the ‘Rule of Threes’ in comedy, being that joke structure is often comprised of three stages. Different than a simple punchline joke, where a concluding line of humor is preceded by seemingly non-humorous buildup, this tiered structure makes use of increasingly funny quips that build off of each other to make a whole. While the third tier is similar to a punchline, the buildup consists entirely of humor, rather than a lack of it.

 

To only do two would be too little an effort (as reflected by the lack of laughs at first), and presumably, four would be an unnecessary excess. Similar to that of Goldilocks, the rule of threes naturally feels ‘just right.’

 

In this case, it twisted the subject matter of the core necessary activities for human survival: eating, and the standard of having three meals a day. By suggesting this daily necessity as a pleasurable matter of choice, the joker turned the most general of logic into a humorous

Mother’s Witty Toast

Nationality: USA
Age: 20
Occupation: Student
Residence: San Francisco, CA
Performance Date: 4/10/18
Primary Language: English

The following is a recollection of a slightly drunken toast given by a friend’s mother. I had seen a video clipping of his mother giving the toast on the social media application Snapchat, although I could not understand what was being said (although it was quite clear from the many empty glasses of wine beside her what libations had led into the toast itself).

 

When I next saw my friend, I asked him out of curiosity what the specifics of the toast were. He indicated that it is a witty one his mother frequently gives at particular family outings when all six of his siblings are present at the table.

 

This particular toast was aimed at the eldest brother, who had just welcomed a newborn son (his first child) with his wife.

 

My friend’s imparting of his mother’s toast went as follows:

 

Here’s to you, as good as you are. Here’s to me, as bad as I am. And as bad as I am, you’re as good as you are. And as good as you are, I’m as bad as I am.

 

A common trait seen in toasts is a subtle mixture of humor and seriousness. Being a proclamation of goodwill towards the subject (or subjects), the overall message usually bears a heartfelt sentimentality meant to outweigh any teasing or foolery that precedes it.

 

What is distinct of this toast, in particular, is a cheeky admission regarding each side’s tendency towards good and bad, with an exclusive insistence of ‘good’ on the side of the subject and an exclusive insistence of ‘bad’ on the side of the presenter.

 

Despite the presenter painting themselves as bad, the repetition that makes up the bulk of the toast indicates this in a manner more celebratory than derogatory and only made possible/acceptable by the good of the subject balancing out the bad of the other.

 

In this, both sides of good and bad are made necessary by their pairing together.