Category Archives: Adulthood

Coming-of-age, courtship, marriage, weddings

British Boarding School 18th Birthday Hazing Tradition

Text:

DD: “At Malvern and at most boarding schools, you have all your meals in your house, which means you sit with your year group, but there’s people from [ages] 13 to 18 in that room. Whenever you turn 18, after lunch and the housemaster does all the announcements and leaves and goes to the private side, what the birthday boy would try and do is run out of the lunchroom, but what everyone else does—and it’s mainly the lower and upper sixth, like junior and senior years—they like, hold down the person and carry them out of the lunchroom and into the showers, which are in the basement. And we’re all wearing suits. And then they turn on the showers and you get thrown in the showers and you get completely soaking wet. And, also, as you’re doing this, if you resist at all, they beat the s— out of you.”

Context: 

The informant is a 21-year-old college student who was born in the Netherlands and attended a British boarding school, Malvern college, from ages 16 to 18. He experienced this tradition on his 18th birthday and similarly hazed other students on their birthdays. DD describes this ritual as “the highest form of endearment” that someone in this environment can experience. Since homophobia and oppressive gender ideals play such a big role in shaping social dynamics at all-boys boarding schools, he says that boys often use violence to express affection for one another. He says that this ritual acts as a sort of substitute for more common birthday traditions like singing happy birthday to someone or baking them a cake, which students may deride as “gay.”

            Moreover, despite the brutality and humiliation of this tradition, he argues that boys enjoy it because it’s an opportunity for them to be the center of attention and to be celebrated on their birthday.

Analysis:

This tradition exemplifies how transitional events are often ritualized and the tendency for people to behave in ways which would ordinarily be deemed unacceptable during liminal moments. In International Folkloristics, Arnold van Gennep describes rites of passage as “ceremonial patterns which accompany a passage from one situation to another or from one cosmic or social world to another” (Dundes 102). I am arguing that boarding school students hazing their peers on their 18th birthday is a rite of passage which marks the transition from childhood to adulthood, where the event acts as a sort of acknowledgement or confirmation of a student’s status as an adult. 

People feel inclined to engage in abnormal behaviors during instances of liminality because the paradoxical qualities of these moments make people think that the conventions which govern normal time are inapplicable. In general, birthdays are liminal because they cusp the end of one year and the beginning of another. With this ritual, another dimension of liminality applies to one’s 18th birthday, as this day cusps the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood. Further, one’s status as an adult is complicated by the student still being in secondary school, which is generally synonymous with childhood. One could argue that a possible intention of this rite of passage is to humble the person whose birthday it is by showing that despite having the nominal privileges of adulthood, they are still a part of the school. The inversion of social roles often occurs during liminal moments. Younger students hazing their older peers can be interpreted as flipping power dynamics.

Another feature of liminality in this ritual is it simultaneously being embraced as a cultural tradition and being seen as a form of rule breaking. Students wait for the housemaster to leave before carrying out the tradition, but this is merely a performance of secrecy which is part of the ritual. The practice is a kind of open secret, where school authorities know that it occurs and participate by turning a blind eye and not getting involved. Though such hazing would ordinarily be penalized, it is tolerated on 18th birthdays because the community understands the tradition as a longstanding rite of passage celebrating students’ transitions to adulthood.

Van Gennep, Arnold. “The Rites of Passage.” International Folkloristics: Classic Contributions by the Founders of Folklore, edited by Alan Dundes, Rowman & Littlefield, Lanham, 1999. 

Filipino Debuts

“My experience with the debut was centered around presenting me to the world as a woman.  I know there’s stuff from before about, like… presenting women to the men of the community as of age or ready to be, like, married off.  But when Filipina girls turn 18, the community typically throws them a huge party called a debut (day-boo) and it’s just like the big birthday where everyone now considers them an adult.  For mine, my parents picked 9 aunts and 9 uncles to be my godparents for the party… well some of them were my actual godparents from baptism, but the others were people I’ve gotten close to as I’ve grown up.  Everyone gave me a speech, and the men danced with me.  I think at my mom’s debut though, they actually had her dance with, like… dudes her age as like a courtship thing.  That would be really weird and creepy now and, ugh, there’s no way I would ever do that.  But I guess that’s what was normal then.  And I mean, that’s also what the debut was for in its origins, where it was the sign that men could finally begin courting the woman for marriage.”

Background: The informant is a 20 year-old who had her own debut in 2019.  She was born and raised in the United States and is the daughter of Filipino immigrants.  She has never been to the Philippines, but was raised with her parents’ values.

Context: The piece was shared to me over Facebook Messenger video chat.

It is interesting how customs change in different countries and timelines.  Debuts in the Philippines in earlier decades served a more practical purpose, to present women to the bachelors of the community and to officially dub her as available.  This party also represents the liminal space between being a child and a woman with adult responsibilities, as this party also occurs around the same time where the celebrant goes to college.  Many Filipino-Americans also tend to leave home around this time, while those who have been raised in the Philippines tend to stay in their parents’ homes until they are married and have a new family to preside over.  Such customs around marriage do not exist as prevalently for those who were raised in the United States, as we place less of an emphasis around only leaving our parents’ household to raise one of our own.

Work in the Tavern

Story: One story I remember, that was told to me my my father, that was told to him by my grandfather by one of his uncles, is that when George was about 10 years old and working at the tavern and he was so tired – I mean he was ten – that he sat at one of the tables one night at the very back of the tavern – so his legs were up like this so it looked like he was awake *demonstrates* – and put his head down on his arms and fell asleep. His boss found out, and sprinkled red pepper on his arm – right here *mimes* – right under his nose. When he inhaled, he inhaled the pepper which burnt the inside of his nostrils and woke him up in tears. Needless to say, he never fell asleep at work again!

Context: The informant was told these stories as bedtime stories by his father, who was handed down these stories from his father, who was told some of these stories by his father. They are stories about the informant’s great great grandfather, George, and the village he is from. The informant told these to me in person, and I recorded them to better transcribe them later.

Thoughts: When asked what this story means to them, the informant shrugs, and said they were told this story as a child, and even back then it made them want to work harder and be more like George. “He must’ve been exhausted from working so hard, right? I mean, what was I doing at ten years old?”

Analysis: Listening to this story, I was a bit shocked. My family doesn’t have any stories about our ancestors, and this informant had several! (Not all are included.) However, this struck me as folklore for the lesson that has become imbedded into it throughout the years and generations who have told them. This particular story, never put your guard down or show weakness.

Tombs Night at Georgetown

Background information: OLP is a 21-year-old student at Georgetown University in DC. They were raised in the Bay Area, but currently live in DC for school. They have lived there for the past couple years, but only recently physically went back to Georgetown for classes. Because of this, they have had a good amount of exposure to Georgetown culture.

OLP: Georgetown students have a tradition of having this thing called a “Tombs Night” when they turn 21, it’s like, where you have a party and then go to this bar called the Tombs. And I had mine this year!

Me: Oh, I remember! How was it? 

OLP: It was fun (laughs). It definitely felt like something that was really, um, hyped up, so it was exciting.

Me: How did you learn about Tombs Night? 

OLP: I know this because I was invited to upperclassmen’s tombs nights like last year (laughs). I don’t think I know where or when it originated, but I think it’s been said that it’s because the Tombs is notoriously difficult to get into with a fake, so no one even tries until they’re 21. So yeah, even though I was invited, I didn’t ever actually go to the bar until this year. It’s like a big way to celebrate being 21, so the person’s friends will host a party for them and invite as many people as possible. And for some reason they stamp your forehead at the door when it’s your birthday. So it’s a whole thing, so I assume it must be kind of old. 

Me: Do you know how it got to be such a big thing? 

OLP: No, I feel like people just want a reason to party on their 21st though, right. Oh and also, it’s usually a way for people to go socialize during the winter when club events are kind of dead. At least I feel like it is. 

This piece of folklore was very intriguing because of how specific it is to students at Georgetown. Through word of mouth, despite the fact that students do not seem to know the origin of the tradition, everyone knows that it can act as sort of a rite of passage for Georgetown students turning 21. “Tombs Night” being a tradition shows how folklore practices can provide an opportunity for celebration and socializing.

Chinese Wedding Rituals

Nationality: Chinese
Age: 49
Occupation: Software Engineer
Performance Date: 4/29/2022
Primary Language: Chinese
Language: english

Background: The informant is my mother, a Chinese immigrant who immigrated to the US after graduating college. She was born and raised on a small island off the coast of China.

A: On the day of the wedding the man knocks on the woman’s door, bringing gifts and money. The woman’s parents can…make demands. Their goal is to test his honesty…well, not honesty, maybe sincerity…they are testing his true love and his character. This can take a very long time, which also tests his patience. They ask to see if he’s willing to pay money….well, the money isn’t actually so important, but it represents that he can take care of her. He shares many candies with the children, symbolizing sweetness and feeling loved.

When the parents agree, I believe the groom carries the bride all the way to the car to express how much he truly loves her. Maybe Americans do something similar. It is a symbol for taking care of the bride in the future, like the gifts and money too.

At the wedding the bride and groom kneel in front of the bride’s parents, “磕头 (ke tou)” …this means their head must touch the ground, as an expression of gratitude.

On the third day of marriage, the woman must go home and make lots and lots of food to thank her parents. Because when the woman is married, she’s considered the man’s family and no longer a family member of her original family, so they must thank her family profusely. Traditionally she’s supposed to live with the man and his parents, but that’s different now…normally couples will live on their own.

The husband’s family makes a lot of food too, they will bring a basket of food to the wife’s house. Back in the old days, when they didn’t have cars, they would carry it all the way there on a long stick of bamboo on their shoulders and baskets are placed on either side. 

Me: Which if any of these traditions did you do when you got married?

A: We were married in America, so we didn’t do any of this. We just went back to China for a bit and took our wedding photos. Your dad visited my family for a while, and we invited everyone – friends, family – out to dinner. When my aunts and cousins would get married this is how the weddings were, but after I left home when I was 18 I didn’t keep with the traditions as much and people don’t do them as much anymore.

Context: This was told to me during a recorded phone call. Much of the transcription has been translated from Mandarin.