Category Archives: Old age

Retirement, seniority, death, funerals, remembrances

Passing Ashes After Cremation

Nationality: American/Chinese/Japanese
Age: 21
Occupation: Student

Description: After a family member is cremated, the family would pass the remains across the family chopstick to chopstick.

Background: The informant observed this in his family during funerals.

Transcript:

ML: Another thing I’ve noticed more is that we can’t pass food from chopstick to chopstick. Ao whenever we’re eating, and we share, she puts it on my plate. Because passing stuff from chopstick to chopstick is reserved for family remains after a cremation. I think my dad is the same way too. I think in Japan when someone dies, they’re cremated and their ashes and stuff are put into a urn and the family members pass the pieces to each other into the urn. Yeah, so then whenever I’m about to grab something out of her chopstick, my mom gives me a dirty look.

My thoughts:

This entry would be considered both a ritual tradition as well as a taboo. It is more accurate to say that it is a taboo that resulted from common practice. Rituals for the dead is not uncommon in any culture, but it is often in Asian traditions that I tend to find taboos that come from such traditions. One easy example would be the taboo of stabbing one’s chopsticks on a bowl of rice, as that is usually reserved for an offering for the dead. The association itself is plenty direct most of the time, as it’s easy to see why one would want to separate actions for the dead from ones of the living as the dead do not belong there and not many want to think about death when living their daily life. Another function of those specific rituals are also to provide some sort of closure for relatives, allowing people to finally move on after the passing of a loved one.

Annotations: 

The expression of the old East Asian funeral art: Author: Dae-Youl Kim – 

https://www-dbpia-co-kr.libproxy1.usc.edu/journal/publicationDetail?publicationId=PLCT00000694

Korean Ancestral Commemoration Rites

Nationality: South Korean
Age: 67
Occupation: NA
Residence: Chicago, Illinois
Performance Date: 04/30/21
Primary Language: Korean
Language: English

Main Performance:

The jesa (제사) is traditional Korean ceremony that honors the family’s ancestors as well as deceased family members, particularly parents. It is a fairly large event that involves the extended family of the deceased parent to gather at the house of the eldest child, prepare food, and engage in a ceremony with specific steps. It is celebrated on different days for every family because it held on the day before the death of the deceased persons being honored. Back in Korea we’d have your uncles and aunts show up to commemorate your grandparents but we’re the only ones here in America so your mother doesn’t get as much help as she usually does. Even when if this isn’t even technically her own family that she’s making offerings for, she’s still the the only person who puts in this much effort. You also remember the steps better than I do these days.

The steps are as follows:

  1. The spirits of those who are to be honored are welcomed by an open door.
  2. The spirits are seated at the table before everyone else with food already prepared for them. The spirits are represented by a wooden plaque adorned with a photograph of themselves.
  3. An incense placed upon a bowl of uncooked rice is prepared between two lit candles and the eldest son of the spirits and their siblings or children pour glasses of rice or plum wine.
  4. Wine is poured three times until the cup is full and the cups are then rotated around the smoking incense three times, clockwise.
  5. The cups are placed by the bowls of the spirits and the ones who immediately poured and placed the drinks bow to the spirits. Men do two large bows and one half-bow while women do four half-bows.
  6. The above is repeated by the number of children of the deceased are present.
  7. Once the above step is completed, the spirits’ utensils are placed onto their favorites among the prepared food and the rest of the attendees excuse themselves to another room so the spirits may enjoy their meal alone.
  8. For a couple minutes, the gathered family engage in small talk, reminisce, and exchange pleasantries for a couple minutes before returning to the dining area.
  9. Steps 4 and 5 are repeated one last time and the spirits are led out to an open door and now the family is allowed to eat properly.
  10. The bowls that contained the rice and soup that the spirits would have eaten are considered to be blessed and are offered to those who need the ancestor’s blessings the most.

Background:

The informant is my father who has engaged in this ceremony longer than I have been alive. As he is the oldest among his three siblings, our house was where my father’s side of the family used to convene and celebrate together with as per tradition dictates that the eldest son continues the tradition. My father mentions how my mother has been diligent in her work to continue this tradition as she used to get help from my aunts in preparing the food but now she does all of the work alone for a ceremony honoring my father’s parents instead of any on her own side. Recently my mother receives help from my grandmother but since she is not directly related to my father’s parents, she does not partake in the ritual itself.

Context:

Every October 10th and November 30th, by Lunar Calendar dates, my family engages in these rituals and I’ve asked my father and mother many times about the procedure. Before long I was the one who remembered most of the steps.

My Thoughts:

Despite only having met my paternal grandparents only once or twice before their passing, this ceremony is something that has been ingrained in my life for as long as I could remember. The eldest son’s home becomes the liminal ground where the living descendants commune with the spirits of the deceased. Looking up articles of the ritual now, it appears that me and my family are skipping a number of steps but the way we’ve done it is how it has been for at least 30+ years. I always used to watch my father and my uncles do the steps back in Korea but after coming to the States, I began to take their place in placing offerings to my grandparents. The dates however do make it a pain for my mother who has to prepare not only for American Thanksgiving but also for preparing for my grandfather’s jesa. My parents often joke about how no other Korean family engages in this practice anymore and it made me recently realize that my parents being vaguely irreligious is probably the reason why. Many other Korean families are heavily Christian and have since abandoned the traditional ways which almost makes me a bit sad with how Westernization has started to blot out Korean culture.

Leaving the Stove On and the Faucet Running – Chinese Joke

Nationality: Asian American
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles, California
Performance Date: 03/17/2021
Primary Language: English
Language: Cantonese, Korean

Context: This joke was told by one of my coworkers at a boba place. We had closed early that day and the manager had brought us pizza, so we ate and took turns telling jokes. I chimed in and asked if I could use some of them for my folklore project, to which my coworker (KC) agreed. This is the last joke that she told us.

Story: 

“An old married couple went out for dinner one night. The wife suddenly shouted ‘Oh crap, I forgot to turn off the stove, there could be a fire’. She urged her husband to hurry home with her. The husband thought about it for a while, then comforted her saying ‘don’t worry, I also forgot to turn off the faucet.’”

Background: My coworker got this joke from her dad, who heard it from his dad. She thought the joke was funny because it played off of stereotypes of old couples in China and how they are always forgetful. The punchline is that while the wife forgot to turn off the stove, the house wouldn’t burn down because the husband also forgot to turn off the faucet and left the water running.

Thoughts: This joke actually made me laugh out loud, and the punchline is pretty unique. One thing that I’ve learned from hearing a lot of Chinese jokes through my parents, friends, and different television channels is that there are a lot of jokes about old married couples where the wife is often annoyed at the husband and the husband often has to comfort the wife. The funny part of most of these jokes is that at least one of the two is forgetful of something. I’ve often seen my parents and friend’s parents point to each other and say “that’s you” jokingly when they hear an old married couple joke, which I think sheds insight into how the joke contributes to Chinese culture in the sense that these stereotypes have at least some sort of universal truth to them.

Cahuilla Death Ritual: Burning the Passed’s Possessions

Nationality: Cahuilla and American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Southern California
Performance Date: 5/2/2021
Primary Language: English

Main Piece:

I: When someone dies, it’s traditional to burn all of their things, like all of their personal possessions. We do that because… essentially you’re giving what they want to go with them into the next life, so you’re burning it so they can take it with them. Some people burn, some people don’t, and I think the general practice is you just try to burn like the most beloved items, that you’d be like, “They would definitely need this or would want this.” And I think part of it is like– because if you carry on their possessions for a certain long period of time, where you don’t move on or like get rid of it, it can be harmful for the living, as well. So it’s just kind of like a sense of acknowledging that they’re going somewhere else, moving on, but then you’re still here and you just have to wait it out. And you think that your family or your loved ones will burn your stuff when you go to the next world.

Background:

My informant is a good friend from high school. She is a part of the Cahuilla and Chippewa Indigenous Nations and explains this traditional practice of burning the passed’s possessions so they can take them along to the next world. When she first learned of this tradition, she thought it was sort of harsh to burn all of the things the living associated with the dead. She explains that there is usually a desire of the living to hold onto the dead’s most prized possessions, but the practice of burning is also a part of the mourning process. She says that the most traditional people will burn everything, but explains that there are also people who don’t perform this practice.

Context:

This is a transcript of a conversation between my friend and me over the phone. I have talked to her a few times about my folklore class and explained the collection to her. She was happy to help and talk about some of her traditions.

Thoughts:

This traditional Cahuilla practice of burning the possessions of the passed is representative of how life is regarded as cyclical, rather than linear like in American culture. Because life is cyclical, it is thought that the dead will need their possessions for the next life or the next world. My friend expressed to me how she felt this practice was harsh at first, but then explains how she grew to understand that it is also part of the mourning process, and is beneficial for the living to let go of the dead’s possessions. Such a thought process can illustrate how American culture may focus on the needs of the living because if life is linear, there is nothing after death. However, her shift to understanding the benefits of this practice for both the living and the dead, along with the relief in knowing your loved ones will do the same for you when you pass, illustrates the view of life as cyclical; life continues and repeats. Furthermore, this practice could be thought of as both homeopathic and contagious magic. The act of burning possessions and its physical disintegration or disappearance mimics its transfer to the next life or the next world. While, because these items were in contact with the dead when they are burned, they will surely become in their possession again in the next life.

Pierino and his grandma

Nationality: Italian
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Bologna, Italy
Performance Date: 04/26/2021
Primary Language: Italian
Language: English

Main piece:

“Un giorno Pierino esce con la nonna e Pierino raccoglie una moneta per terra e la nonna gli dice: “Pierino non si raccolgono le cose per terra”. Allora Pierino la rimette dove stava. Ad un certo punto la nonna cade e dice a Pierino: “tirami su” e Pierino dice: “non posso nonna hai detto che non si raccolgono le cose per terra”.

Transliteration and Translation: 
One day Pierino goes out with his grandmother and picks up from the ground a coin, and his grandmother tells him: “Pierino, you must not pick up things from the ground”. Therefore, Pierino puts it back. At a certain point, the grandmother falls and tells to Pierino “lift me up” and Pierino answers:”I can’t grandma, you told me that I must not pick up things from the ground”

Background:

L.L.: I used to tell this to my grandmother all the time. At elementary school, everyday a different classmate of mine would come up to the others and tell “guys I absolutely have to tell you this new joke I have learnt, so that we then can tell it to our parents”. Often, these jokes had things like curse words within them…and, I don’t know, it was a form of rebellion, like something a bit transgressive so to obtain a shocked reaction from adults.

Context:

My informant told this joke this over a dinner, in which other friends were present, and, after the performance of the piece, they all started to talk about their infants memories related to this kind of humor.

Thoughts:

As many other categories, jokes as well are a big part of children’s folklore as they often represent -as my informant highlighted- a tool through which shocking or simply outsmarting parents and adults. Jokes are, indeed, ‘by definition’ a practice commonly used to sign a rite of passage, and, in the case of kids, they were and still are a means to approach adulthood and the liminal ages of growth. This joke, if read or heard by an adult, won’t probably be as funny as a child perceives it, and this is attributable to the fact that what makes it especially hilarious to the youngest is the sense of rebellion, audacity and ‘adulthood’ they gain from it.

Many are the childish jokes which portray this Pierino as main protagonist, and this shows another indicative aspect, which is the one of recognition in a specific figure by multiple members of a peer group. Pierino is, in fact, a nickname for Piero, which is one of the most common Italian names of all, and this makes of him a sort of spokesman for every Italian children going though his age.