Mortality Rate – Joke

Nationality: American
Age: 56
Occupation: Physician
Residence: Los Angeles
Language: English

Text: Despite our best efforts, the mortality rate remains 100%.

Context: “I originally heard this joke back in med school, and it really stuck with me. I’m not sure how widely known it is in the medical sphere, but I’ve heard it several more times since from various practitioners, so it seems to be a pretty popular one. I’ve heard surgeons say it, cardiologists, even some nurses. I’m not sure where it originated from, but everyone I’ve told it to finds it pretty funny so I’ll keep using it.”

Analysis: This is a surprisingly dark joke for the medical field, and it makes me wonder where it came from. The morbidity of it makes me think that it developed as a way for doctors to cope with the loss of a patient when they weren’t able to save them. Lots of people use humor to deal with tragedy. Doctors see more suffering and death than the vast majority of people, and it makes sense that such experiences would influence their sense of humor. Or perhaps it doesn’t have any dark origins at all, and is just a creative way to say the classic phrase “everyone dies.” Either way, it’s fascinating to think about.

Chinese proverb

“锲而舍之，朽木不折；锲而不舍，金石可镂。”

Translation – “If you stop carving, even rotten wood can’t be broken; never give up, and even metal and stone can be engraved.”

Encountered by informant – a Chinese speaker – innumerable times growing up, especially in regards to schoolwork.

This proverb is a frequent fixture of Chinese speakers’ conversation. It is often invoked in a similar manner to “where there’s a will, there’s a way,” highlighting the necessity of perseverance and persistent effort in various endeavors.

Generation X Slang Phrase

“Grody to the max.” – Slang phrase indicating that something is the grossest; the worst.

Informant unsure of when first encountered; could have potentially been picked up from a teen movie or TV program. In any case, it saw ubiquitous use by her young Gen X brethren.

A phrase full of 1980s mojo which like other phrases has sadly fallen out of frequent use – at least in full. To that point, a derivative of the phrase – “grody” – does still seem to get occasional mileage as a slang adjective from younger generations.

Lacrosse slang

“Yardsale” – slang term in lacrosse which refers to a stick check that knocks an opponent’s stick out of their hands.

First encountered by informant in childhood – taught to them by elder siblings who played lacrosse.

A yardsale will almost always result in a loose ball and high potential for a turnover. The event is noted for its aesthetic appeal – a yardsale sees the checked stick become airborne, often flipping vertically several times before coming back to earth. The stick’s air time, overall height acquired, and distance travelled can vary depending on the force and angle of the check. Some particularly ridiculous yardsales can see a stick go flying many, many feet into the air and/or traveling a great distance of the field before gravity intervenes.

“That Team Up North”

Slang term for the Michigan Wolverines college football team used by fans and members of the Ohio State Buckeyes college football team.

First encountered by informant while watching College Gameday for one of the yearly Ohio State-Michigan football games.

One of the many indicators of the sustained antipathy that exists between Michigan and Ohio State fans, the phrase “That Team Up North” was coined by Woody Hayes – Ohio State’s famed football coach from 1951 through 1978 – at an uncertain point in his tenure. Hayes coined it because he so detested Michigan that he refused to say their name. Nearly forty years after Hayes’s death, the Ohio State fanbase – one of college football’s largest – still uses “That Team Up North” in everyday parlance for the exact same reason.