Tag Archives: maturity

Blocking the Groom

Informant AM is a graduate student from San Jose California, whose family is originally from Ethiopia. There is a strong Ethiopian diasporic community in San Jose, where much of its traditions live on.

Text:

“The morning before the reception, the groom and his family members accompany him to go pick up the bride. But, at the door, the bride’s family is blocking them. They’re role playing — that’s what it seems like. I’m like, ‘Didn’t y’all agree to this?’ I don’t know why it became a tradition. Every single Ethiopian wedding I’ve been to has done it.”

Context:

Informant AM witnessed this tradition in primarily Ethiopian Orthodox Christian weddings. Ethiopia is a country with 36 million Orthodox Christians as of 2017, according to the Pew Research Center (Diamant). The Orthodox Christian religion places an emphasis on sexual purity in women, with the most apparent example being the veneration of the Virgin Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus Christ.

Analysis:

In “Wedding Ceremonies in European Folklore,” Hungarian folklorist Géza Róheim gives several examples of similar wedding traditions where the families of the bride and groom role-play a situation with a barrier, such as a Slovak wedding tradition where the groom’s family attempts to stela the bride’s bed. Róheim proposes that this cluster of traditions, collectively termed, “The Barrier,” are a means of giving meaning to the liminal nature of a wedding, especially in the case of the woman transitioning into sexual maturity. The custom of blocking the groom similarly reflects the importance of sexual maturity, especially to Orthodox Christians.

Works Cited:

Róheim, Géza. “Wedding Ceremonies in European Folklore.” International Folkloristics Classic Contributions by the Founders of Folklore, Rowman & Littlefield, 1999, pp. 197–230.

Diamant, Jeff. “Ethiopia Is an Outlier in the Orthodox Christian World.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 17 Aug. 2020, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/11/28/ethiopia-is-an-outlier-in-the-orthodox-christian-world/#:~:text=Ethiopia%20is%20an%20outlier%20in%20the%20Orthodox%20Christian%20world&text=The%20country%20in%20the%20Horn,largest%20Orthodox%20population%20after%20Russia. 

Turkish Proverb about Hurtful Sayings

Nationality: Turkish
Age: 23
Occupation: Customer Support
Residence: Boise, ID
Performance Date: March 15th, 2019
Primary Language: Turkish
Language: English

Informant:

The informant (D), a 23-year-old, Turkish male who grew up in Turkey until he turned 8 before moving to the United States. He now lives in Boise, Idaho, but spent a lot of time with his mother, who only spoke Turkish until D was 16.

Background info:

D’s first language was Turkish. He and his mother would converse this way, despite him being fluent in English. His mother would tell him stories and folklore from Turkey, as she was very proud of her heritage. This is one of the Turkish proverbs in their household.

Context:

This is a Turkish phrase that D’s parents would say around the house when he was younger. He would also repeat this to his younger siblings when they would act up to try to show them that they are misbehaving. The following is the context for which it was said.

Me: “Are there any other phrases or sayings that your parents would say to you? Or Turkish phrases you would hear them say to themselves?”

D: “Because we were young and fought a lot, my mom would often repeat wisdom to us… One of the phrases in Turkish that she would use was ‘Bıçak yarası geçer, dil yarası geçmez’, which means that people could hurt you like… physically, but you will heal from those. But when people try to hurt one another with like words or insults, it will stick with them. People will feel the pain for a very long time, and they will think a lot about it. My mom would tell us she would rather pick us up from school for fighting than to hear that we were calling someone names or trying to insult someone like… personally.”

Main piece:

Turkish: “Bıçak yarası geçer, dil yarası geçmez”

English Translation: “A knife wound will heal, but a tongue wound festers”

Thoughts:

As D explained what this Turkish saying was, I kept thinking back to an English phrase that I heard a lot as a child. I would always be told that “sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will/should never hurt you.” I find the difference in cultures very interesting, as his parents would almost encourage physical violence over emotional or verbal insults – almost saying that an attack on one’s character is one of the worst things. It makes sense that this would be taught young, as children are the most impressionable both in terms of learning right from wrong and being negatively affected by insults. Growing up in American schools, I witnessed teachers trying to prevent physical fighting more aggressively than verbal or emotional insults, but D’s family would rather let the kids fight physically (reasonably, of course) than have them call each other names or insult them. The Turkish culture stresses teaching manners and polite etiquette early in life, and despite growing up in the United States, it’s interesting that these values carried over from his mother.