Category Archives: Customs

Customs, conventions, and traditions of a group

Salud, Dinero, Amor!

Nationality: USA
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Culver City
Performance Date: 4/26/16
Primary Language: English

Folklore Piece

“So I went to a Spanish immersion elementary school; everything was taught to us in Spanish except for English. Um, and so, when anyone would sneeze, as kids usually do, there’s this  Spanish saying that correlates sneezing with health. I guess, you could say. So if you sneeze once, you say ‘Salud’, if you sneeze twice you say ‘Dinero’, if you sneeze three times, ‘Amor’. So you’re wishing someone health, money, and love after each time that they sneeze.”

 

Background information

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess I was sort of caught up in it. I mean, if you’re a little kid and someone’s screaming at you in Spanish, but it’s a happy scream, you’re like ‘Yeah! I’m a happy screamer too!’ But like everyone’s just happy yelling at each other. Which I think is a lot of the Spanish language. I learned that when I was really young, I mean I started Spanish when I was in kindergarten.”

 

Context

“I don’t really say it anymore, but yeah, in general, people say it any time you sneeze, like saying ‘bless you’. But I guess it doesn’t really change in English. But I think it’s the same idea.”

 

Analysis

I learned about this in my Spanish class in high school as well. Much like the term ‘Bless you!’ many of the native Spanish speakers I know weren’t sure why they say it. Generally, it’s to wish someone good luck: health, money, and love.

My family does something similar where we change our “bless you’s” each time. The first one, it’s just a mild “Bless you.” The second, a bit louder, “Bless you!”, and the third “Take a sick day!” Each and every time.

These sneezing rituals are not uncommon; as we talked about in class it used to be believed that when someone sneezed, a bit of their soul left their body, hence the phrase “Bless you!” This general sentiment of wishing someone good fortune when something bad has happened to them could be the reason for the extension to this Spanish saying that the informant is talking about.

Interesting, too, is the informants reaction to being asked about its origins. She had no idea, didn’t claim to have any idea, and removed herself from the culture entirely. Even though she attended a Spanish immersion school, spoke in Spanish for a large portion of her life, and learned and celebrated an immense amount of Spanish culture, she still speaks of it as if it were entirely removed from herself.

This deals a lot with our class discussions about cultural identity and heritage. I think the informant might feel that, because her heritage isn’t of Spanish origin, she doesn’t claim ownership over the Spanish culture. There’s no right or wrong answer to this dilemma, only that the informant acts in the way that she feels most comfortable, which evidently is not identifying herself with the language or culture.

Knocking on wood

Nationality: American
Age: 44
Occupation: Massage Therapist
Residence: Pasadena, CA
Performance Date: 4/25/2016
Primary Language: English

After declaring something positive regarding his or her future, an observer of this tradition will knock on wood to ensure that the future does not turn out the opposite. Knocking on wood is a way of avoiding a jinx, or the opposite of what one hopes to happen turning into a reality after one expresses that original hope. An observer of this superstition will say “Knock on wood,” literally knock on wood, or do both in order to avoid an ill fate.

My informant always does both, and with a laugh to accompany it because he knows others view it as silly. He doesn’t believe that it literally wards off ill fate, but he does believe that it affects his mental space in a way that manifests into a more positive reality.

I asked him to describe this effect and he said:

“It doesn’t matter whether anyone else is into it, it just matters to me. As long as I get my head ok, then everything else is fine.”

I asked if he learned it from anyone else, to which he said:

“No, I figured it out on my own.”

I asked if anyone else in his group of friends or family observes the tradition to which he replied:

“No, I’m the only freak.”

My informant is a 44-year old massage therapist who lives in Pasadena, CA. He struggled with OCD as a child, and ever since then, has worked hard to maintain a calm inner life. Those with OCD often have their thoughts manifest themselves into ugly realities. They think something irrational, and then they do something irrational. So it makes complete sense that my informant would use this tradition as a technique to avoid that very pattern. I imagine for many, knocking on wood is not just an abstract superstition, but a small yet effective way of quieting their minds.

“I’m Resting”

Informant: “You came up to a door that was open, and the guy’s splayed out with his ass in the air and he sees you in the mirror or something and if he doesn’t like you, or it’s not necessarily that he doesn’t like you, but he doesn’t want you to fuck him, he says, “Oh, no, I’m just resting.”

This practice is observed in gay men’s bathhouses in the United States. It is part of bathhouse code, a verbal and nonverbal communication system used between gay men to express sexual preference within the bathhouse setting.

My informant is a 44 year old gay massage therapist and lives in Pasadena, CA. I asked him to describe how he learned this euphemism.

“I learned it from experiencing it. It was at this one [bathhouse] in North Hollywood and I used to live right next to it. I just remember this guy, like I said, he was just totally hot, blah, blah, blah, layin’ there, ass in the air. And the mirror is on the back wall opposite the door, so, you know, you can face away and still keep an eye. And he sees me and I was just standin’ there like, you know, half-jackin’ it under my towel. He’s just like “I’m resting!” [laughs] and I went away.”

I asked my informant why he enjoys this piece of folklore:

“I appreciate the primal nature of, I don’t know, the gays, I guess you could say, the primal nature of the homosexuals, homosexual men anyway. Not having to speak female language, you know. It’s a lot easier to sex to male.”

I think this phrase speaks to a larger culture of simple, direct communication about sex among homosexual men. I also think it speaks to a standard of kindness and maturity that can be found within some gay communities. I think my informant appreciates the fact that there is an established code phrase for saying “no thank you” in a way that will not hurt someone’s feelings. It shows a careful consideration of the vulnerability and effort required of someone looking for sexual intercourse. I also find it really interesting that the phrase “I’m resting” has nothing to do with sexuality. I think this is left over from a tradition of coded terminology employed by gay men for much of the twentieth century. They were not allowed to openly discuss their sexuality, and so had to codify their language to communicate with each other while still retaining social standing within a heteronormative world.

Never touch another man’s dice

Informant: “There’s minor traditions that lots of gamblers have and stuff, like you never touch another man’s dice.”

Collector: Is that observed in D&D [Dungeons and Dragons]?

Informant: Yeah, in general, it is. And you almost never reach over for somebody else’s dice. You know, you have your little pile in front of you. If someone needs to borrow one, it’s ok if someone hands you one, ya know, but you don’t go grabbing at other people’s things like that.”

Collector: Is that something you observe?

Informant: “Yeah, yeah, I would say 99% of people that play it…”

Collector: Did you ever make that mistake and then learn not to?

Informant: “[laughs] You know, most people do because of a perceived unluckiness in that if you do that, it, it, it is…I want to say it almost always ends up being a horrible role, you know, somebody else’s dice, especially without permission. [laughs] It always ends up with the worst possible thing that could happen. [laughs] And I don’t know if that’s actually what happens or just everybody notices it, you know what I’m saying? [laughs] But I’ve seen it many a time from some newb that steps up on the mound.”

My informant is a 44 year old male who often plays board games and role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. I imagine he observes this superstition not only because he believes it has an effect on luck but also because it shows respect for other gamers. It speaks to a larger culture of mutual respect and commonly accepted ground rules that exists within gamer culture, one which allows game-playing among lots of people to function smoothly. I find it really interesting that those who take another’s dice are the ones punished with bad luck. In this way, this superstition serves as a warning to keep everyone in check.

Washing a child’s mouth out with soap

Nationality: American
Age: 60
Occupation: Director of Communications
Residence: New York City
Performance Date: 4/24/2016
Primary Language: English

When a child uses a swear word or misbehaves in some other way, a parent may wash his or her mouth out with a bar of soap. My mother used this punishment on me when I was three years old. We were playing around in her bed when all of a sudden, I spat in her face. She rushed me to the bathroom and washed my mouth out with a big bar of soap. She had never used that punishment on me before and never did again. I asked her to recall why she used it at that moment:

“I was just so shocked, and I was hurt. I was hurt. It just came to mind, like, there’s only one thing to do here. Now the washing the mouth out was something about saying bad words. It was…so for some reason, I went for that punishment because it felt equivalent. I think I just wanted to, like, shock you.”

My informant is my mother, a 60-year old director of communications for a non-profit in New York City. She cannot recall where she learned this folk punishment from, and does not ever remember her parents using it on her. My mother rarely if ever used corporal punishment, but as she said:

“Well, you know, we were not the strictest of parents, you know, but there was, like, certain things that, you know, we just couldn’t let you guys get away with.”

I think my mother likes this folk punishment only because it evokes this memory we can now laugh at. But I find it really interesting that she only used this folk punishment once it her life. This speaks to the way in which folklore can lie dormant in our heads and then emerge at completely unpredictable moments. There are probably hundreds of pieces of folklore that we don’t even know we know, but something will occur, and all of a sudden we’ll find ourselves performing it.

This folk punishment also has a Pavlovian effect to it. It’s completely visceral and instinctual. It doesn’t teach children anything about the disrespect of their words and actions. Rather, it forces an association into their minds between misbehaving and bodily discomfort. I imagine every time I thought of spitting in someone’s face after that moment (which I hope was not often) I remembered the taste of soap in my mouth and chose against it.