Category Archives: Adulthood

Coming-of-age, courtship, marriage, weddings

The Shotgun

Age: 21

Collected 4/22/2026

Context:

My roommate, who is of Irish-American descent, told me the story of when he first went shooting. We met in high school and have been friends for about 8 years now. He told me in our apartment kitchen after asking about his family traditions.

Text:

His family first immigrated to New York in the 1800s. About a century later, he told me that his great-grandpa bought a “classic Baretta double-barreled shotgun like you’d see in Red Dead” for hunting ducks in Maryland. Nowadays, my roommate and his dad often go hunting in the woods in Montana, and he fondly remembers that core memory with his dad of when he first learned to shoot.

My roommate told me that back when he was 15, his dad took him to a gun range in Lake Piru, California, to learn how to shoot. The event wasn’t specifically on his birthday or any particular day, as he can remember. But it was sometime soon after he turned 15. In his family, “each male for the last 3 generations has learned to shoot the same double-barreled shotgun.” The shotgun is a family heirloom that he suspects his Irish immigrant great-great-grandfather bought, for hunting and it’s been passed down steadily from father to son.

While at the range, his dad started with gun safety. Essentially, just the basics, like “don’t aim it at people or things you don’t wanna shoot.” He also learned to respect the weapon, “don’t treat it like a toy,” and not to throw it around or handle it roughly. As far as he knows, the shotgun has been largely kept in good condition, and most, if not all, of the parts are original. The wood stock and grip are lacquered with oils to keep it clean and in good condition. When it finally came time to shoot, his father showed him how to stand and helped him aim. When he pulled the trigger, the gun went off, but he found out that it was loaded with a blank. He told me that he and his dad first shot a blank to get a feel for the recoil.

After handling the recoil, he began to shoot at the clay pigeons launched in the air at the range. He said his dad wanted to teach him how to hunt, so moving targets were a great way to get into it. After shooting, he explained that his dad showed him how to clean and take care of the gun. Later, when he turned 18, he was allowed to have his own gun under different state laws. He hasn’t shot the shotgun since; it serves as a ceremonial piece.

I asked him if there was a specific time or moment when he learned, but he can’t remember. But he did say it was a moment when he started to feel more grown up. He told me that his sister also learned how to shoot. He couldn’t say whether she got the exact same treatment. But their father took her to a local range and taught her to shoot the same shotgun.

I asked if he would continue the tradition. He told me “that he plans to “of- course man.” The shotgun will be passed to him and he plans to pass it to his kids when they’re born and ready. He feels that the passing of the shotgun and the instruction in how to shoot are a metaphor for life. He and his family “value being responsible and self-sufficient.” He said it felt pretty special to be the fifth in his family to hold and shoot the gun. As the sole male child and heir to the family name, he felt it was a really special moment to step into the shoes that his family had left. To fulfill expectations and continue the legacy.

Analysis:

This was a cool story to hear; my roommate hadn’t told me about it before, and I’ve known him for around 8 years now. It was a pretty nice story and makes sense because his family has a strong military background dating back 3 generations. Shooting, hunting, gun safety, and responsibility are all very important to him and to his family.

I think the ritual serves three main functions besides bonding. The first and more obvious is that the ritual serves as a lesson in gun safety. It’s a father teaching his son how to properly hold and shoot a weapon. He learned discipline and responsibility, and it made him interested in the responsible use of weapons at a young age. It teaches real safety skills for young people and taught him the power and potential danger of weapons.

I think an equally important purpose for this event is to serve as a passing of the family legacy. Family is a big thing for him; he cares a lot about that lineage and is proud of where he comes from. The fact that the same gun has been used by all the males in his family says a lot. It is their legacy, their transition into adulthood, and their father passed that legacy to him so he could learn what it means to be a male in their family. His sister also learned and got the same experience. But my roommate said she isn’t as interested in the legacy, shooting, or the shotgun as he is. Also, he will inherit the weapon, not his sister. By learning with that gun, he is an active participant in that tradition and now a part of that shared family history. He remarked that it felt really special to him to be part of that. I asked him, and he explained that he did have a connection to that story. But for him, the most important thing it did for him was teach him responsibility.

The gun itself is also a physical representation of that legacy. It has existed for over a century and serves as a marker of his family. Sure, other guns exist, but this is his family’s gun. He adds meaning to it by using it, continuing that legacy, and being interested in teaching his children how to shoot that gun.

A final, deeper meaning is that the lesson served as a rite of passage for young men in his family. In a way, it created a liminal space to help facilitate the transition of children to young men. The lessons it taught him about weapon safety carry over to real life. Being disciplined, respectful, self-sufficient, and responsible are all qualities that he holds dear. He and I agree that those values probably stem from the family’s deep military history. Those are all imparted to him through that event.

It’s also interesting to me that I just found out about this. I knew he knew how to shoot, but I didn’t know it was such a significant family tradition. I know a lot about him since we’ve known each other for 8 years, but that story seems to be sacred and personal. It’s also funny because at first glance, my friend doesn’t look like someone who would have traditions. He grew up in a suburban neighborhood in what our other roommate would call a “boring” neighborhood. But this just showed me how much folklore and culture are lying just under the surface. I’ve known him for so long, but all I had to do was ask, and it seemed there was more to my friend that I hadn’t learned.

It also challenges my pre-existing notion that folklore is foreign or unique to a specific identity. Folklore is all around us; we just forget to pay attention because it’s “normal” or we’re used to it. I mean, this is a dude who’s got red, white, and blue coursing through his veins, and yet he has some great traditions. This is just a great reminder that folklore is often studied from a distance because the stuff close to us blends so well into our daily lives.

Senior Skip Day

Age: 21

Text
“Yeah so every year, I think this is a pretty widely common thing in high schools in like America but like when you’re a senior there will be a day where everybody skips class and it’s called senior skip day. For us, like the high school I went to, it’s pretty much become a tradition where every year the senior class will like meet up and we’ll drink and pregame and all that and then all of us will go to the beach and like hang out for the day. Just like everybody in the class or like anybody that wants to go so like it’s open to everyone and I mean like everybody gets into it because it’s the last few like moments you’re sharing as a group you know. So, yeah, that’s one of the more special traditions I’d say from my high school.”

Context
AV says that senior skip day is a very common and well known tradition among high school seniors in America, and notes that all his friends in college, his siblings, and his high school friends from other schools participated in their own senior skip days at their respective high schools. AV says that at his high school, their specific tradition of drinking and going to the beach as a large group was well known from year to year and nobody really deviated from it. He doesn’t know when it started, but he says a few years later, kids are still doing it now and everybody gets into it.

Analysis
Senior skip day is a piece of customary folklore, a yearly tradition that is widespread throughout American high schools, yet is given its own unique spin by each specific school and student body. It’s a great example of how school lore passes horizontally through students rather than vertically from the institution. It’s a tradition that plays on liminality and communitas, as normal school rules are void (and the school doesn’t mind) and the entire student body is together in experiencing this tradition. For AV’s school specifically, skip day has almost become a festival that marks the end of high school and the social bonds as a graduating class, and according to Santino, intertwines the playfulness of festivals while still marking that transition past high school. Skip day is also a great example of how lore passes down as even though it’s not an official tradition of the school, the same event has been and will continue to be passed from senior class to senior class.

Shooting the Drum (Miao Courtship Custom)

Speaker: “This is a custom from a Miao(Hmong) village in Guizhou. It is called ‘shooting the drum.’ Yeah, shooting the drum. It is a pretty interesting one. From what I heard, the way people talk about it now is almost like a legend. It existed in real life in the past, but nowadays no one really practices it anymore. People say that back then, someone would use a stick in a very skillful way, almost like performing magic, to ‘shoot’ or strike the drum in a special way. It is one of those traditional customs that has been passed down in the local Miao community over time. Back in those days, people were very poor, you know, so life was quite different. Because of that, some of these customs were tied to relationships and marriage in ways that might feel unusual now. The story goes that after this kind of ritual or interaction, the couple might be brought back to the home, and then their relationship would basically be settled from there. It was not something easy to walk away from once it happened. People sometimes describe it in a joking way now, comparing it to something like being carried along by the situation, like once you are in it, you cannot really back out. But that is more how people talk about it today rather than how it was formally understood back then.”

Interviewer: “So is it more like a legend now than a real practice?”

Speaker: “Yeah, pretty much. It is something people talk about as part of history or folklore now. Not many people actually know how to do it anymore, and it is not really practiced today.”

Context: This conversation took place during an informal discussion about regional customs and lesser-known traditions in ethnic minority communities in China. The speaker introduced “shooting the drum” as a Miao custom from Guizhou, describing it as something that once existed but is now mostly remembered through stories and informal explanations. His description mixed fragments of historical practice with more modern interpretations and humor.

Analysis: This folklore practice reflects how certain traditional practices, especially those tied to courtship or community rituals, can fade over time and become more like folklore than lived reality. The speaker’s uncertainty and casual tone suggest that knowledge of the custom is no longer widely preserved in detail. Instead, it survives in fragments part storytelling. The mention of poverty and social conditions also hints at how older folklore were shaped by economic and social constraints and evolved by time.

Gender Appreciation Days at Tsinghua University

Age: 53 Performance Date: 04/19

“Every year on March 7th — the day before International Women’s Day on March 8th — people started calling it 女生节, Girls’ Day. That’s when the guys in class buy gifts for the girls. And then on November 10th, the day before Singles’ Day on the 11th, that becomes 男生节, Boys’ Day, where the girls are supposed to buy gifts for the guys. This has been going on for maybe ten, fifteen, almost twenty years now. It’s just one of those things everyone does.

And there’s another thing that goes along with Girls’ Day on March 7th — the guys in class will make these big banners. Like, they’ll write stuff on them about how great the girls in their class are, how much they like them, and then they put them up all over campus. That’s always been part of it too.

I think it’s a nice tradition. It’s a way for guys and girls to show appreciation for each other, which feels meaningful. And it’s kind of fun. I think people genuinely like having a day like that. It’s already become semi-official at this point. Kind of like how in Japan, Valentine’s Day became this thing where girls give chocolate to guys — it grew into its own custom over time. I think this one will stick around too.

As for whether it goes beyond Tsinghua — I honestly don’t know. I can only speak to what I’ve seen on campus.”

Context: This account was shared in a casual recorded conversation with a college student who attended Tsinghua University. The informant spoke entirely in Mandarin, recalling these campus customs in a relaxed and reflective tone. The interviewer prompted the informant to share their own thoughts on the tradition and whether it might evolve further, which led to a brief comparative discussion touching on Japanese Valentine’s Day customs and the semi-official status these days have already taken on within the university community.

Analysis: The campus holidays described here — 女生节 on March 7th and 男生节 on November 10th — represent a grassroots form of calendar folklore, where unofficial commemorative days are created by students to mirror and playfully subvert existing holidays. Girls’ Day slots itself in just before the officially recognized International Women’s Day, reframing a political holiday into something more personal and celebratory among peers. Boys’ Day, meanwhile, carves out space the day before the wildly popular Singles’ Day shopping holiday, turning a commercial phenomenon into a moment of reciprocal social gesture between genders.

The banner-hanging tradition tied to Girls’ Day is especially worth noting — it transforms private sentiment into a public, communal performance, filling the campus with visible declarations of appreciation. This kind of collective display is a hallmark of student folk culture, where participation in the ritual matters as much as the content of the message itself.

The informant’s comparison to Japanese Valentine’s Day customs reflects an awareness of how gender-coded gift-giving traditions can evolve organically into something institutionalized over time. That these days have already achieved what the informant calls “semi-official” status at Tsinghua suggests they are well along that trajectory — beginning as informal student invention and gradually becoming part of the campus’s cultural calendar.

The Nightmare that Growled Back

Age: 34

Context:

One day, as I was leaving my dorm room to walk to class, the maintenance worker for my hallway stopped me to share that a vacuum that had been standing perfectly upright suddenly fell. He said, “It took force to get that down,” however, there was no physical force apparent. I stopped and listened to what he had to say about what he had just seen and then began talking about encounters that he had while living with his mother and grandmother. This is one story he told me. 

The Story:

About fifteen years ago, he lived in a Los Angeles home with his mother and grandmother. There wasn’t one specific moment, but rather a collection of strange experiences that impacted everyone in the household. He said, “Nobody was talking about it until things started getting more physical and hands-on.”

He described a series of nightmares that grew more intense over time. At first, they were recurring dreams of being chased, and he would wake up in a panic. As time went on, however, the dreams began to resemble sleep paralysis. “I would be in heavy, heavy sleep and couldn’t wake up because I felt like an energy was holding me down.”

One specific dream he shared involved him running through a parking lot, trying to escape someone who was chasing him with a knife. He couldn’t wake up while it was happening, and when he finally did, he was exhausted and out of breath, as if he had actually been running.

The dreams continued to worsen and feel more and more real: “I was waking up heavy, sweating, and gasping for air. We all started sharing similar stories, and we all started talking about what we were feeling or how it was feeling.”

Both his mother and grandmother shared experiences of “feeling like somebody was sitting on their chest and wouldn’t let them go. It was the feeling like you wanted to scream and yell, but something was holding you from it.”

One night in particular has remained with him until this day. It happened in the middle of the night. He shared that his grandmother would frequently come in and out of the rooms, so initially, he wasn’t afraid. He described that he was staring at a shadow that was short just like his grandmother.  

Another thing that he and his grandmother used to do was jokingly growl at each other. He said that as the shadow began walking away to leave the room, he began growling at it. 

“When I growled, it immediately turned around 360 degrees, but the way it looked towards me, I immediately knew that that wasn’t her anymore.”

It stood over him and began growling back at him louder and louder. “That was the for real moment that I felt that black presence, that black shadow was staring at me, and it was growling at me. That was one of the most physical moments that I had ever felt.”

After this night, he called his family friend who was an exorcist. With a broom, the exorcist fought with the presence in each corner of the house. After he retrieved the spirit, he found it was an old man and placed it in a box to bring to release it at a cemetery. 

Afterward, he, his mother, and his grandmother were cleansed with sage, white roses, and various mists.

Even now, he says it’s eerie to think about. Both his mother and grandmother have since passed away, and he hasn’t shared this story with many people in a long time.

Informant’s Thoughts:

He doesn’t find the story unsettling just because of the shadow itself, but because of the shared, physically impacting experiences that all of his family members had that were unspoken at first. What stays with him is the identical sensations and the way something unseen seemed to move through all of them at once. Now that his mother and grandmother have passed, there’s no one left who remembers those nights the way he does. No one to confirm what happened or to question it. 

His experience also strengthened his belief in ghostly presences, and he has become more attentive. When something reminiscent of those experiences occurs in everyday life, such as the broom story in the dorm, he is more skeptical, whereas prior to this experience, he never thought twice about spooky presences. 

My Thoughts:

To me, it is very interesting that the exorcist discovered that the presence was that of an old man. It makes me wonder if the man had lived in the house before Alex and his family moved in. If so, what happened to him?

I’m struck by how all of these experiences occurred during sleep at night. Sleep paralysis is most common among children and young adults, which is interesting because all three people living in the home were full-grown adults. This makes me further consider the possibility that the presence was real. It could also suggest a kind of generational haunting, potentially significant in the way it connects us to our ancestors.

This story lingered with me long after he told it, partly because of coincidence—when I heard it, I was on my way to my ghost stories class.