Category Archives: Customs

Customs, conventions, and traditions of a group

Weddings & Banana Plants

Text: A pre-wedding tradition where a representative from the groom’s family will cut down bamboo plants to clear the way for the marriage. Everyone there is also dressed up in traditional clothes.

Description of the tradition–Informant: “they’ll be like… depending on, you know, if the brides and groom’s parents are alive as well, um, there’s usually a representative from the groom’s family, and we have like this thing where we go and there’s the–there’s 3 per, um, parent, basically. So like the bride has like 3 and the groom has 3 and it’s, the actual thing itself is these banana plants. And they’re really tall and they kind of look like bamboo almost, but they’re really tall. And, um, like a representative from the groom’s family will come around and we have this very traditional knife called a Pichangatti It’s like a hooked knife. And basically, my dad has done this for a specific wedding, but you go around and you take this knife and you’re like cutting down these banana plants and it’s kind of showing like that there’s no obstacle that’s gonna like get in front of this marriage and like you’re you’re like metaphorically like cutting down obstacles or anything that like has to do with the like the transition into marriage.”

Context: The Informant is from Coorg, India. Their ethnicity is called Coorgi or Kodava and they speak Kodavathuk (it is a South Indian Dravidian language). Weddings last three days and this is a pre-wedding ritual. There they have huge emphasis on ancestry, so this tradition is a way to honor their ancestors. Many of their ancestors were warriors so this tradition is very symbolic with cutting down things, showing strength and power and ancestry, but also just giving wishes for the new couple. 

A Pichangatti is a knife used in agricultural and traditional cultural contexts. It is known for its unique shape as a curved blade and tends to be heavily decorated. 

Analysis: This is a ritual that is preparing the couple for the wedding, the time of transition into marriage, a time of liminality which can be uneasy. While also preparing the couple for the resulting state after the wedding: marriage. Within this ritual we see a performance element, as people are dressed up and someone is using a ritualistic element, the knife, to perform this ritual calling upon their ancestry and past as warriors. The informant said it but we really do see how in this important ancestry is, especially at a right of passage. Having three from both the bride and grooms side can be seen as honoring the two separate ancestors of the bride and groom while also preparing to merge the two families through this clearing of obstacles This ritual also involves magic superstition and slightly falls into the realm of sympathetic magic, specifically the law of similarity. The bamboo plants are tall and literal obstacles. In this ritual the participants externalize what are normally internal obstacles turning them into something that can be physically cut down, through representation like calling to like. This is done to create a good outcome for the marriage thus magic superstition. 

Wedding Tradition: The Water Pot

Text: 

Informant: “So one of the traditions that we have during weddings is that woman go and they get a pot, and they grab get water from the holiest river in India and this well and you fill it into this pot. And when it’s time for the bride and groom to get married, after they get married, the woman, um, kind of stands for a very long time with this pot on her head. It’s like this very pure water and the bride and groom’s like families like negotiate with time or how long to stand with this pot on her head. It’s usually like a symbol of like honors as well to be standing there. You know, it doesn’t sound like that because like everyone else is dancing and whatnot, but I think my mother stood for like 6 hours.” 

Interviewer: “What’s an average time?”

Informant: “Average. I would say at a recent, um, sort of, like, I think maybe like a year ago, 2 or 3 hours. I definitely think that longer you are back in time, it’s more like like the definitely like a rite of passage and this feeling of like you’re about to get married and you basically afterwards when the woman is getting down from standing, usually what will happen is like someone from the bride’s family will be like, no, we’re just not gonna let her go just that easily, so they like demand money from the groom side of the family. So they like kind of shower her with money as she like steps down and takes this pot off her head. And then the water, that’s like this really holy entire water, is later on, like supposed to be, um, kind of like splashed at the house of the new couple to like show that you’re getting brought a lot of this like good energy, I guess.”

Context: The Informant is from Coorg, India. Their ethnicity is called Coorgi or Kodava and they speak Kodavathuk (it is a South Indian Dravidian language). Weddings last three days and this is a pre-wedding ritual. The Informant also mentioned that there they don’t use caste systems but do have a huge emphasis on ancestors. 

Analysis: In this we see a high context marriage ritual that is repeated through multiple generations. According to Van Gennep, rites of passage have three stages, separation (preliminal), transition (liminal), and reincorporation (postliminal). In this ritual, the separation comes when the bride puts the pot on her head, entering into a state of semi vulnerability and trial, liminality, holding a pot of water on your head is not necessarily stable which clearly signifies a transition period. Then the reincorporation stage is where she steps down and can take off the pot of water, interestingly this can be postponed, holding the bride in this state of liminality and in between to demand a price from the groom’s family, though seemingly in the interest of the bride. Many wedding rituals or traditions are a test to see if you are ready for marriage and this one is no different. The purity or holiness of the water invokes the idea of virginity going into marriage. Holding the water on the bride’s head could also be seen as a metaphor for pregnancy. The long duration of the ritual, the instability of holding water on one’s head, and the symbolism of it being literal water, a woom, might be a nonliteral test to see if the bride can carry a child to term. In this ritual we can also clearly see the remnants of the transactional nature that marriage has traditionally held in the past in a patriarchal society. The woman is the one who being put in this liminal state while the families are negotiating on her behalf how long this ritual will take place. This is even more firmly cemented when the brides family demands money before she can step down, before they will hand her over, interestingly a subversion of the dowry system which usually has the money going the opposite way. 

Don’t Give an Umbrella as a Gift

Text: I had mentioned to KH that I had gotten someone an umbrella as a gift, and she stopped me. “You’re like not supposed to do that, right?” she said. The word for umbrella, 伞 (sǎn), sounds nearly identical to 散 (sàn), which means to scatter. To give someone an umbrella is to wish the two of you scattered, dispersed. There is a workaround: if the recipient gives the giver a coin, even a penny, in return, the umbrella becomes a transaction rather than a gift, and the negative implications no longer apply.

Context: Told to me by my friend KH, a Chinese American student, after I mentioned that I had bought an umbrella as a gift. She had heard the rule from her parents, who emigrated from China. The homophone pair is 伞 / 散: 伞 (sǎn, umbrella) and 散 (sàn, to scatter) differ only by tone. 

Analysis: This same homophonic logic shows up commonly in Chinese culture, where a linguistic sign is read as a small contagion that invokes the outcome it names. The umbrella case is a good example because the prohibition attaches to one ordinary household object and to one specific verb. An exchanged coin transforms the gift into a purchase, and the relabeling alone is held to neutralize the linguistic risk. It’s not always the case that these homophonic folklores have such convenient workarounds. The changing “gift” to “purchase” suffices to break the spell.

Finish Your Food, Children Are Starving

Text: My father, JW, was told by his parents in Ohio in the 1970s, whenever he refused to finish his dinner: “Finish your food, there are children starving in China.”

My mother, IW, who grew up in suburb of Beijing in the same decade, was told something similar: “把饭吃完，美国还有小孩没饭吃” (bǎ fàn chī wán, Měiguó hái yǒu xiǎohái méi fàn chī), literally: “finish your food, in America there are still children with no food to eat.”

Both invocations were performed at the dinner table. Both intended to produce guilt in a child sufficient to clear the plate. 

Context: In Ohio, JW’s parents and grandparents drew on a long American tradition of using China as the reference point for starving children. In Beijing, IW’s parents drew on Cultural Revolution rhetoric, in which capitalist America was officially characterized as a place of mass inequality and hunger. My parents realized this surprising symmetry in their respective childhoods after they had married. 

Analysis: The mealtime “starving children” phrase is a textbook example of folk speech functioning as parental disciplinary technique. What is notable here is the mirror: in the same decade, parents in Ohio and parents in a Beijing suburb were deploying the identical rhetorical structure with the other country supplying the sympathetic reference point. In the United States, China is the pitiable other nation filled with hungry children, in China, it’s America. The form is highly stable across speakers, the only thing that varies is which country gets named, which is itself dictated by where you are sitting at dinner. It’s very interesting to me this convergent evolution from two sides of the world of deploying guilt and sympathy against stubborn children. 

Exploding Sodium

Text: During his Peace Corps years teaching chemistry in Fiji, JW would take his students down to the bay every now and then with a chunk of sodium. His school lab had real sodium, kept in oil. He would fish out a small piece and throw it as far as possible into the water. It would skim across the surface and then catch fire and sometimes explode. The students loved it. He had seen it done by another teacher before trying it himself.

Context: JW is my father. He served in the U.S. Peace Corps in Fiji for two years following his undergraduate studies, teaching high school chemistry at a local school. The demonstration is not part of any sanctioned curriculum, but rather an informal reward to a well-behaved class. It is generally considered dangerous, and therefore impossible in a well supervised urban school setting. JW has not seen the practice done outside of his peace corps years in Fiji. He has retold this story to me on several occasions.

Analysis: This is a good example of occupational lore. The sodium demonstration is a chemistry teacher’s vernacular practice: it is not taught in the credentialing program, and the manuals tell you not to do it; you learn it from your own teacher and transmit it to your students. Its status as both pedagogically vivid and institutionally suspect is what gives it folkloric stability: every chemistry teacher who has ever done it remembers their own teacher’s version, and JW’s repeated retelling of the story, with the same opening and the same skimming and the same explosion, is itself an iteration of the form that keeps the practice circulating. The Peace Corps placement adds a second layer. An American chemistry-teacher folkway moved with JW to Fiji and entered a different pedagogical ecology, where his students may now be carrying it forward as their own, possibly without ever knowing whose Ohio classroom it had been picked up from in the first place.