Category Archives: Adulthood

Coming-of-age, courtship, marriage, weddings

Quinceanera- Porcelain Doll Tradition

Informant information 
Nationality: Hispanic American
Occupation: Teacher 
Residence: Nevada
Date of Performance/Collection: Apr 4, 2022
Primary Language: English 
Other Language(s): Spanish

Background 
My informant is my mom’s coworker and she is of Mexican descent. The context for this piece was talking about quinceañeras.

Performance
M- I had a quinceañera and there was about close to 300 people at my quince and like the big things that I remember is they get you this porcelain doll and that doll represents the last doll you ever have as a child so at some point during the quinceanera you’re sitting there with your doll and somebody comes whoever you choose will come and have a crown and your and your like heels they bring your heels and your crown to you you handover the door and you get your heels and crown which represents you letting go of your childhood and becoming a quote unquote “woman or a young lady” I have a she so my best friend her daughter is my goddaughter him and her family that I seen I guess it’s just certain parts of Mexico they have different you know but when the when the kids turned three they have like a mini quinceanera so she’s down the hall with her three daughters she ordered them a dress like a custom dresses made and it’s literally like does the whole church thing and has a huge party for her daughters and they literally like literally moon Quinceañeras and I can’t remember what it represents but her husband at the time his family was like that was their thing that was their tradition so that’s kind of cool. 

Thoughts
I have never attended a quince but I understand how important it is in a young girl’s life. I think the symbolism of trading the doll for the heels is really special. Some of my friends told me that they planned their quinces for years before they had the party.

“Mejor sola que mal acompañada”- Mexican Proverb

Description (From Transcript): “The literal translation in English is “Better alone than in bad company”. This is something that is commonly said in the Mexican culture but I don’t know if it’s said in other Latin American cultures as well. But essentially it’s talking about how it is better to be alone than in a toxic relationship. And I think most of the time, it’s referring to like- uh- a relationship with like a significant other, but also, I think it can be referring to a friendship or really just anyone’s company. It’s better to be by yourself than with that negative company. And I think when it’s most commonly used is when someone asks you about like your significant other or something. People kind of use it as a joke, honestly, but I think it has a deeper meaning…”

Context: The informant (LV) is a first generation Mexican American woman residing in Denver, Colorado. This proverb is something that she grew up hearing a lot in school with her friends. She spent a lot of time with other Mexican or Latina girls. She also heard it in media such as telenovelas (a genre of Spanish soap operas). She heard it from younger people mostly or single people. It was used as a way to defend yourself– you would rather be single than with someone not deserving of you. 

She also explains that there is a lot of toxic masculinity in this culture specifically, and it’s not something that’s talked about with older generations. But growing up in the US, it’s something her generation is a little more aware from. This little saying highlights that. She likes it because it uses the “a” at the end for women or people who identify as women but it could also be “Mejor solo que mal acompañado” but women are mostly the ones she hears saying this. She thinks it uplifts women to not settle, that it’s okay to be alone than be with someone who doesn’t deserve you. She says that in this culture, there is a lot of pressure to settle down and be with someone. This [saying] fights that idea.  

My Interpretation: I think the informant did a wonderful job of explaining this saying in detail as well as the cultural implications it carries. The emphasis of the subject being feminine is very telling of the rigid gender expectation for women to be in relationships, marry, have children, take care of their parents and elders, all while enduring toxic or, in some cases, abusive behavior from these relationships. Because the saying is particularly common among younger women, it leads me to believe that it is a fairly newer saying, adopted by younger people as a way to challenge generational patriarchal beliefs that worsen and endanger the lives of people, especially women, in this culture. Consequently, I would also expect for this saying to become ever more widely used as internet cultures begin to tackle injustices that parents and grandparents suffered but could not challenge due to a lack of tools and language to do so. 

“Vibora de la Mar”- Mexican Wedding Dance

  1. “Vibora de la Mar”- Mexican Wedding Dance

Context: CL is a Mexican American student at USC. Her parents are from Michoacan, Mexico and her family currently resides near Bakersfield, California.

Transcript: 

CL: Okay so this is a game played at a wedding. Okay there’s two different ones: The bride gets on a chair… I’m trying to remember if it’s the bride and the groom both get on a chair, and then they carry the bride’s veil, the groom carries the bride’s veil so that people grab each other’s hands and then they go around in circles. First, it’s the women that are at the party, and then after they’re done, it’s the men that go. I think they’re objective is to try to knock down the bride and the groom… 

HV: That’s so silly goofy *laughs*. To try to knock down who?

CL: The bride and the groom. 

HV: Oh they’re praying on their downfall?

CL: Yeah, pretty much. 

HV: Is it all the single people?

CL: Yeah maybe!

HV: Why do you think they’re trying to knock down the bride and the groom? Do you think there’s a significance behind that? 

CL: *quietly* let me look it up… 

HV: That’s not fair! What do YOU think it means?

CL: I think it’s just… it could be one of two things. It could be like “oh we’re celebrating the union of you guys”. Maybe the chairs symbolize… it’s the beginning of a new era, you guys are so happy right now but eventually, it’s just gonna be like any common thing, being married, and if you fall, it’s like you’re joining us, welcome back to the real world. 

HV: Is there music?

CL: Oh yeah! There’s a song! The song is called “La vibora de la mar”?

HV: Screaming, it has the same name? 

CL: uh, yeah. 

HV: How does it go? Sing it for us. 

CL: “A la vibora, vibora, de la mar, de la mar, por aquí pueden pasar, los de adelante corren mucho, los de atras se quedaran”. 

(To the snake, snake, of the sea, of the sea, you can pass through here, the ones in the front run a lot, the ones in the back stay behind). 

HV: What is the translation of “vibora de la mar”? 

CL: Ooooo, snake of the sea? I think it’s “vibora” because the people are holding hands and they’re going in a snake motion. I’ve mainly seen it with adults because it can get kind of aggressive so I don’t think that they want children to get trampled. I think it’s aggressive because they’re trying to knock down the bride and groom. If the men were to go first, since they tend to be a little more aggressive, then the women wouldn’t be able to go. Cause then what if the groom falls or the bride falls or someone gets hurt. 

My Interpretation: The significance of this tradition to me seems like it’s a way of testing the newlyweds’ bond. By physically trying to knock down the couple, who are now connected, literally through the bride’s veil, and figuratively through marriage, the community is giving them their first test of endurance in this new chapter of the life cycle. It’s also interesting to me how segregated the tradition is by gender because it demonstrates how separate men and women are in the culture and how their roles in marriage will also be separate and distinct. 

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something, blue

Nationality: American
Age: 51
Occupation: Admissions at a private school
Residence: Durham, NC
Performance Date: 4/29/21
Primary Language: English

Background: The informant is married herself, but also worked in a bridal store for years and knows a lot about wedding traditions. She specifies how this tradition ties in with wedding dresses and how the store incorporated them.

LR: I know the whole, something borrowed, something blue, something old, something new as being like good luck for brides, and, so, I think there are several things associated with weddings. I don’t know where the reference came from, um but i think it’s the idea that you have meaningful things with you, or that had been passed down when you get married that sort of, um, bring good luck, good feeling, good energy, or positive vibes. So I think for most people something new is sometimes the wedding dress, sometimes that’s something borrowed, sometimes that’s something old if you wear somebody else’s dress. Ya know, people borrow vails, but usually, and again, I don’t know where the original reference came from for the blue or why blue would be associated or connotate good energy, but, um, people used to wear garters that would have like a blue ribbon in them, that would be taken off. So just like the bouquet would be tossed to the girls, or the single women, the garter would be shot to the single men. So that was something that was more prevalent like when i got married, and we used to sell the garters at the bridal store I worked in. But, we changed it because I think, I don’t know, it sort of became like people didn’t really wear garters, they were at one time I think women wore garters right? To hold up their stockings, and then of course with, I don’t know, more modern times we wore pantyhose or whatever and then you’d put a garter which was an elastic band with lace and a ribbon and you’d wear that up and it was this big thing like that the husband was going up his wife’s leg to get htee garter off and then he would like shoot it like a rubber band. So I always thought that was funny. At least at the store I worked at, I think moree post-2000, fewer and fewer people wore garters or did that with the bride, and so they still did the bouquet toss to indicate, you know, who was likely gonna be the next person to get married, but what we did at the store was to tie the blue ribbon in the bride’s hem, or her wedding dress, as a symbol of good luck that was always there. And then they didn’t have to worry about trying to find a way to wear something blue so to speak?

Me: Why do you think the tradition of shooting garters has decreased?

LR: Honestly, I think most modern brides would be like what the hell is a garter. I don’t know how easy it is to find them anymore.

Me: Do you think garters have the same meaning as bouquets, like do you think it was the next guy to get married? Or what do you think shooting the garter into guys signified?

LR: I mean I think that was sort of supposed to be the equivalent, instead I think for them it was like oh you’re going to be the next lucky schmuck who’s gonna get tied down. You know, you used to have all the bridesmaids or all the single women clamoring for the bouquet, and yet, it was like the opposite for the guys, it was a sign of shame or something to actually come forward to get it. Nobody wanted to get it because it meant they’d be tied down. I don’t think as many guys embraced the idea of looking like they wanted to get married.

Context of performance: This was told to me over a Zoom call.

Thoughts: This is a super popular saying, although I don’t know firsthand how many people follow it. I like the sentimental quality it brings to a period of transition in someone’s life as getting married can be seen as a rite of passage and these are the items that push you through the threshold, or liminal space. It’s interesting that these things bring you good luck moving forward in your life, more so because to me it suggests that it’s its own period separated by the wedding and these items merge the two stages of life, especially with something old and something new.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Chair Lifting

Nationality: United States of America
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles
Performance Date: 04/26/2021
Primary Language: English
Language: Hebrew

Main Piece: 

What is your experience with this tradition?

“At the party, we were doing the hora. They bring in a chair, without arms even though I asked for arms. Four men lifted the chair up. One person was pushing harder than the others. Being pushed up in the chair with no arm rests. I asked to be put down. It happens during Hava Negila”

Why do you think this is a thing?

“Probably to single out the person and make it known that it’s their day and that this whole ceremony is about them. Maybe it’s spiritual and you’re getting closer to god? It’s kind of stupid”

Background/Context:

My informant is my roommate. She was raised in Conservative Judaism and had her Bat Mitzvah when she turned 13. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the Jewish coming of age ceremony that happens when a child turns 12 or 13. Hava Negila is the song that Jewish people traditionally dance the Hora to. The Hora is a traditional dance that involves dancing in concentric circles. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah teen is lifting in the center of the Hora circles. This story was collected when we were talking about Judaism during dinner.

Analysis:

This tradition is practiced by Jews of all observance levels and ethnic backgrounds at Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, and the majority of Jews have no idea why we do it. We weren’t commanded to lift people in chairs through religious texts or by our religious leaders, it’s just a tradition that Jews practice. Some people think that the “lifting” component has religious connotations, but most Jews agree that it’s just for fun and to highlight the Bar/Bat Mitzvah teen on their special day. The experience of having a chair with no arms and being asked to be put down is a common one, and I myself didn’t have a great time being lifted at my own Bat Mitzvah.