Tag Archives: funeral

Jewish Funeral/Death/Graveyard Rituals/Traditions

Nationality: Israeli-American
Age: 17
Occupation: High School Student
Residence: Bellevue, Washington
Language: English

Text:

Jewish funerals don’t use coffins and instead the body is just buried in the ground. The purpose of this is to return the body to the ground where it came from. Gravestones are lying down on the ground over the body. The ten commandments on two stones are placed where the head of the person would be. The graves all face Jerusalem. There is a lit candle at the back of the grave that symbolizes their soul. For seven days after the death (called the shiva), the entire family sits in the house of the deceased. They don’t work and don’t cook but just share stories of the person. The door is meant to always be open so that neighbors can come in to bring food and hear stories. The full mourning period is thirty days where there are other restrictions such as not shaving.

For graveyards, you always have to exit in a different way than how you entered, otherwise the spirits will follow you out. When someone visits a grave, they find a rock to leave as a gift to the deceased.

Context:

The informant is from an Orthodox Jewish family. They heard a lot of these traditions/rituals from their parents and the community around them or from visiting the graves of their family members. The Informant said they haven’t experienced a shiva before but that they regret missing it for their recently deceased grandmother. The informant likes the concept of the shiva because it is a celebration of life and remembering a person rather than being sad. They also like the graveyard ritual of leaving a different way than how you entered because it is fun, not because they believe in ghosts. The informant said that as a kid, they would paint rocks to gift to their deceased family members as a way to commemorate the things they remembered about the person.

Analysis:

The placement of gravestones on top of the body could be interpreted as them keeping the person in the ground. As the culture also is afraid of spirits following a person out of a graveyard then it is not impossible that there could also be a fear of someone rising out of the ground. Putting the person in the ground without a coffin and pointing them towards Jerusalem likely both have religious significance. A person might not be able to rest in Jewish culture unless they have no barrier between them and the Earth. Jerusalem is the promised land to Jewish people so pointing them towards the most significant place within the religion might be to help the spirit back to there in death.

The shiva is a community building event. By creating an expectation for a family to not work or cook, it forces neighbors to come by and support them. Leaving the door open means that everyone is welcome. Community has to come together in times of mourning and it makes it impossible for someone to grieve alone or for someone to die without community remembrance. The shiva is also a time for celebration rather than just sadness. Remembering a person by talking about stories and good memories helps people to feel a sense of resolution rather than tragedy. The seven day period blocks out specific time that is meant for mourning/celebration, giving the community time to process rather than forcing people to move on without working through their emotions. The longer thirty day mourning period likely acts as a reminder of who has been lost and honoring their death through daily actions. The informant felt like they had missed out on part of the mourning process because they missed a shiva, showing its importance for the processing of emotions in family members of the deceased.

Leaving a rock on the grave of someone deceased acts as a way to leave them a gift as well as a way to keep them in your mind. The visitor is meant to find the rock as they go to visit a person’s grave so they have to think about the person and what they might want. The informant mentioned how they found this to be a fun tradition, especially as a child, as it was a way to engage with death through memory and love rather than grief.

Leaving the graveyard in a different way than how you entered is an example of apotropaic magic as well as a prohibitive action. Entering and exiting the same way could bring on something bad but by changing something when you exit, you protect yourself from harm. Death is a scary concept so many people would want to protect themselves from harm while leaving a place that is full of it.

Post Funeral Practices

Nationality: American
Age: 50
Occupation: Home renovator
Residence: Los Angeles, CA
Language: English

Text:

“After funerals, we always wash our hands with pomegranate leaves in a bowl before we can enter the house. Also, you cannot go straight home directly after a funeral, as it will bring bad luck. You always need to go somewhere else.”

Context:

My informant learned this from the older Chinese generation in his family. His mother would always remind him to do these rituals after attending a funeral.

Analysis:

Chinese culture has many superstitions regarding funerals, as demonstrated through these rituals. This practice of washing your hands before entering the house is related to apotropaic magic in that the symbolic action is intended to wash off any bad luck or ward off evil spirits. This falls under the category of contagious magic, the idea that things that were once in contact will influence each other even after the contact is broken. In the context of a funeral, individuals who have come into contact with impurities must wash it away to break the connection.

Pagpag – Filipino Funeral Custom

Nationality: Filipino
Age: 51
Occupation: IT Help Desk
Residence: Naperville, IL
Language: Tagalog

Text:

“Pagpag” in Tagalog translates to “Dust off”

“If you go to a wake/funeral, you shouldn’t go straight home. You have to go and stop by somewhere else – for example a coffee shop, mall, or restaurant.”

Context:

The performer didn’t experience this tradition until his Lolo died, and it he never really questioned it, because it was common for his Filipino relatives to eat after any gathering. It was something the people he grew up with just understood. He grew up in the Philippines (rural Luzon) until he was 8, then moved to America where his family still followed this tradition.

“That way you wouldn’t bring death to the household. If there is a ghost that latches on from the funeral home or just death in general, you don’t want it to follow you home. You don’t just go to a place and drive by, you have to stop and spend some time there.” “In the Philippines, there weren’t really places to go before going home. Now whenever we go to a funeral, we do Pag pag.”

Analysis:

Pagpag is rooted in spirital folk belief of liminality: the belief that events such as death and spiritally charged and potentially dangerous. By not going home right away, people seek to disrupt the path of wandering spirits and ensure their household won’t become haunted. This ties into Filipino animism and folk Catholicism which is a blend of indigenous spiritual beleifs and Catholic concepts of afterlife (brought over in the 1500s by Spanish colonizers).

Another great value of Filipinos is community. By avoiding going home right away, this practice also forces community through shared mourning and offers emotional decompression after an emotionally taxing event. Even if it’s not tied to superstition and the fear of vengeful spirits, societies tend to pact together after devastation just to cheer each other up as it’s human nature which has been passed down across generations.

A Long Goodbye

Nationality: American/Cameroonian
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Arlington, VA
Language: English

TEXT: “In my Cameroonian culture, funerals usually last several days so that everyone has time to come together and support the grieving family. It’s not just a quick one day service and burial, it’s a time for the whole family and the community to gather, share memories, sing, pray and be present with eachother, to remind the grieving family that there is still joy in life. I remember one funeral, a family friend’s, where people came from different parts of the world, just to offer their condolences and stay with the family to offer more support. The long funeral helped the family feel less alone, and it became a time for not just mourning, but celebrating the person’s life and the legacy they leave.”

CONTEXT: The tradition shared by F during a discussion about how cultures handle grief and funeral customs. F explained that in Cameroon funerals are major events that can last days, even weeks. These gatherings give everyone a chance to travel, attend and offer comfort to the family for long periods of time. F recalled a time when people traveled long distances just to be present for the family, showing how important it is for community support to be available during difficult moments like loss. The focus is on both honoring the dead and helping the grieving family.

ANALYSIS: This is both an example of a funeral custom, and a communal ritual that helps people deal with grief together. In Cameroonian culture, funerals aren’t rushed, and services are far from short. The extended mourning period allows the family and community to have more time so that no one feels left out or unsupported. The extended mourning period allows for further emotional healing, sharing memories and a display of respect for the deceased. It also shows how community bonds are both strong and unbreakable, since these traditions help keep those bonds alive, even during hard times.

Tears to Cheers…?

Age: 26

Story: “I know this isn’t a tradition or ritual that is unique to me, but it’s something that I’ve experienced a lot, and it’s always weirded me out. But how come after funerals, there’s always like a big party or dinner? Every funeral I’ve ever been to, like for both my grandparents, for my uncle, and for my parent’s friends, there has always been something like a dinner or celebration afterwards. And all the tears that were shed turned into laughter and reminiscing. I’ll be honest, it’s super sweet seeing everyone get together and share memories of those who passed, but I never understood why. I’m 26 now, so I think I grasp the sentiment and significance a little bit more of celebrating the life and memories of someone you lost. But to be completely honest, when I was in middle and high school, I was always like ‘I was just bawling my eyes out and now we have to go to this restaurant and everyone’s gonna drink?” I thought it was super weird, but I am starting to understand.”

Analysis: This reflection offers a real and honest glimpse into the cultural and folkloric significance of post-funeral gatherings, revealing how ritual serves both communal and emotional functions. This person’s evolving perspective reflects a common perspective in cultures where mourning is followed by celebration. These post-funeral meals act as informal, yet deeply meaningful rituals where storytelling, shared food, and collective memory help process loss and reaffirm social bonds. This person’s initial discomfort, particularly as a kid, highlights how rituals can feel dissonant when their symbolic meanings are not yet fully understood. Yet, their growing awareness at age 26 reflects how rituals often gain meaning over time, especially as individuals experience more loss and maturity. While hearing this story, I had realized that I had the same experience with funerals growing up, and I completely understand where this person is coming from. Post dinner/party funerals are really weird, but as I got older, they started to mean a lot to me. This story shows how ritual practices surrounding death are not just about mourning the absence of a person, but about sustaining their presence through living memory.