Tag Archives: arranged marriages

The Undressing of Draupadi

Text:

Draupadi wanted to marry one of the 5 main brothers from the Mahabharatha, but another man, Duryodhana wants her to marry him instead. He proposes to her, but is refused. Upon this refusal, one of his brothers begins trying to rip Draupadi’s clothes off. Krishna sees this, and decides to save Draupadi by maker her clothing infinite. No matter how much cloth Duryodhana’s brother rips off of her, there is always more that she is still wearing. 

Context: 

This story is from the Mahabharatha, and is a plot point in the main storyline. An extremely simplified synopsis of the Mahabharatha is that it’s about the war between 5 brothers and 100 of their other brothers (Note that brother and cousin are essentially synonymous in this context). The “good guys” are the 5 brothers, and they eventually end up winning the war. 

This story is a simple lesson that one should respect women, and that to undress them is not okay.

Analysis:

In Indian culture, arranged marriages are a common practice, and the final decision on whether a marriage happens is given to the family as a whole, not the woman getting married. This story encourages respecting a woman’s desires for her marriage, even if the cultural norm or law doesn’t fully require it, and backs that up with a god taking the side of Draupadi. This makes even more sense to me that this story is found somewhat in opposition of the cultural norm when I remember that many tales come from being told by women as they do busywork. They used what ways they could to better how they were treated, and instilling good habits and respect in their children is a very powerful way to do so.

MANGALYA DHARAM

Nationality: UNITED KINGDOM
Age: 60
Occupation: Orthopedic Surgeon
Residence: London, United Kingdom
Performance Date: April 2023
Language: ENGLISH

TEXT

Mangalya Dharam, also known as the Tying of the Sacred Thread, is a significant ritual during a South Indian wedding. It is a symbol of the groom’s acceptance of the bride as his partner for life and his commitment to take care of her.  The Mangalya Dharam ritual is performed in the presence of family members, friends, and religious priests, who bless the couple for long and prosperous married life.

CONTEXT

Informant: AS is a 60-year-old man born in India and living in London, UK for the last 25 years.  He is my uncle. He is an Orthopedic Surgeon practicing in London. 

Interviewer:  Who and What is involved in this ritual?

AS: The groom’s family takes great care in selecting the sacred thread for the bride, which is usually passed down from generation to generation.  The thread is considered a family heirloom and is an important symbol of family pride and tradition.  The groom’s sisters and female relatives also participate in the ritual by placing kumkum or vermillion powder on the bride’s forehead, blessing her with a long and happy married life.  This ritual signifies the bride’s welcome into the family and the groom’s commitment to take care of her.  The ritual involves the tying of a sacred thread around the bride’s neck by the groom.    

Interviewer: What is the sacred thread made of?

AS: The thread is usually made of yellow thread and is adorned with sacred beads and symbols.

Interviewer:  How is the sacred thread tied?

AS: The groom ties the thread three knots around the bride’s neck, symbolizing the three-fold responsibilities of a husband towards his wife, which are Dharma, Artha, and Kama.

Interviewer: What are the husband’s responsibilities referred to by Dharma, Artha and Kama?

AS: Dharma is to support my wife and ensure her spiritual and emotional well-being. Artha is to provide financial and material support to my wife and family. Kama is to fulfill my wife’s physical and emotional needs and desires.

Interviewer: How do you know all these?

AS: I performed this ritual during my wedding.  Also, over the years, within our friends and family circle, I have attended more than 50 such rituals and learned this from elders, parents, and priests. 

ANALYSIS

The Mangalya Dharam ritual has deep cultural and spiritual significance in South Indian weddings. It is believed that the sacred thread is a symbol of the bride’s chastity and purity, and it protects her from evil spirits and negative energies.  The Mangalya Dharam ritual also reflects the changing role of women in South Indian society. While the ritual has traditionally symbolized the bride’s acceptance of her role as a wife and homemaker, it now also represents her right to equal status and respect in the family and society.  Many couples today choose to modify the traditional Mangalya Dharam ritual to include vows of mutual respect, understanding, and partnership between the bride and groom.  The significance of the Mangalya Dharam ritual goes beyond the wedding day. It is a reminder to the couple of their commitment to each other and their responsibilities towards their family and society. The thread is worn by the bride as a symbol of her marital status and is a reminder of the groom’s love and commitment towards her.

KANYADAANAM

Nationality: UNITED KINGDOM
Age: 60
Occupation: ORTHOPEDIC SURGEON
Residence: LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM
Performance Date: APRIL 2023
Language: ENGLISH

TEXT

Kanyadaanam is a significant ritual that takes place during a traditional South Indian wedding. It is a sacred ceremony that marks the giving away of the bride by her parents to the groom. The word “Kanyadaanam” is derived from two Sanskrit words, “Kanya” which means daughter, and “Daanam” which means gift or donation.

CONTEXT

Informant: AS is a 60-year-old man born in India and living in London, UK for the last 25 years. He is my uncle. He is an Orthopedic Surgeon practicing in London. 

Interviewer: When does this Kanyadaanam happen?

AS: The ceremony takes place on the wedding day, typically after the groom’s arrival at the wedding venue. The bride’s father or any male member of the family performs the Kanyadaanam ceremony.    In some cases, the bride’s mother may also participate in the ritual.

Interviewer: What happens during this ritual?

AS: The ceremony begins with the bride’s father washing the groom’s feet, which is a sign of respect and humility. The groom is then welcomed into the wedding mandapam (hall), where the Kanyadaanam ritual takes place.

Interviewer: Can you please explain the steps involved?

AS: During the wedding ceremony, the bride’s father places his daughter’s right hand on the groom’s right hand and pours holy water over their hands. He then recites mantras and prayers, seeking the blessings of the gods and goddesses for the couple’s happy and prosperous life. The bride’s father then places a coconut and betel leaves on the couple’s hands and ties them together with a sacred thread.

Interviewer: What does this ritual signify?

AS:  Bride’s father hands over the responsibility of his daughter to the groom, who promises to take care of her and fulfill his duties as a husband.

Interviewer: How do you know all these?

AS: Over the years, within our friends and family circle, I have attended more than 50 such rituals and learned this from elders, parents, and priests. 

ANALYSIS

The Kanyadaanam ceremony is considered one of the most important rituals in a South Indian wedding, as it symbolizes the complete acceptance of the bride into the groom’s family.  It is a moment of joy and emotion for both the bride and groom’s families.  The Kanyadaanam ceremony is considered an emotional moment for the bride’s family, as they bid farewell to their daughter and give her away to a new family.  It is also a moment of joy for the groom’s family, as they welcome the new bride into their family and accept her as one of their own. The ceremony is performed with great devotion and reverence and is an important part of the rich cultural heritage of South India.

SAPTAPADI

Nationality: UNITED KINGDOM
Age: 50
Occupation: GENERAL PHYSICIAN
Residence: LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM
Performance Date: APRIL 2023
Language: ENGLISH

TEXT

Saptapadi, also known as the seven steps or vows, is a sacred ritual that takes place during a traditional South Indian wedding. It is considered one of the most important ceremonies of the wedding and symbolizes the union of the bride and groom as husband and wife.  The word “Saptapadi” is derived from two Sanskrit words, “Sapta” which means seven, and “Padi” which means steps.

CONTEXT

Informant: AA is a 50-year-old woman born in India and living in London, UK for the last 25 years.  She is my aunt. She is a General Physician practicing in London.

Interviewer: When does this Saptapadi ritual happen?

AA: The Saptapadi ceremony takes place after the Kanyadaanam ritual, and it involves the bride and groom taking seven steps together around the sacred fire.  Each step is taken with a vow or promises the couple makes to each other.

Interviewer:  What happens during this ritual?

AA:  The ceremony begins with the bride and groom standing facing each other, holding hands. The priest recites mantras and prayers, seeking the blessings of the gods and goddesses for the couple’s happy and prosperous life.  The bride and groom then take seven steps together around the sacred fire, with each step representing a promise or vow.

Interviewer:  What do you think is the significance of each step?

AA:  Each step has its own significance.

  1. The first step is taken for food and nourishment, a commitment to taking care of each other’s physical needs.
  2. The second step is taken for strength and power, a pledge to support each other and overcome any challenges that may come their way.
  3. The third step is taken for prosperity and wealth, a commitment to sharing their wealth and building a successful life together.
  4. The fourth step is taken for happiness, a promise to bring happiness and joy into each other’s lives.
  5. The fifth step is taken for children, a pledge to raise a family together and to provide their children with love, care, and education.
  6. The sixth step is taken for friendship, a commitment to being each other’s best friend and companion for life.
  7. The seventh and final step is taken for eternity, a promise to love and cherish each other for all eternity.

Interviewer: How do you know all these?

AA: I performed this ritual during my wedding. Also, over the years, within our friends and family circle, I have attended more than 25 such rituals and learned this from elders, parents, and priests. 

ANALYSIS

The Saptapadi ceremony is a significant ritual in a traditional South Indian wedding, as it symbolizes the union of two individuals into one. It is a moment of joy and celebration, as the couple takes their first steps together as husband and wife.    The Saptapadi ceremony is a beautiful and meaningful ritual that emphasizes the importance of mutual love, respect, and commitment between the bride and groom.  The Saptapadi ceremony interpretation lies in the seven vows or promises that the bride and groom make to each other. These vows symbolize the commitment that the couple has towards each other and the life they will share together.

METTI

Nationality: UNITED KINGDOM
Age: 50
Occupation: GENERAL PYSICIAN
Residence: LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM
Performance Date: APRIL 2023

TEXT

Metti, also known as ‘Metti poduthal’, is an important ritual that takes place during the South Indian wedding ceremony.  It is a ritual that is performed by the groom, and it involves the wearing of a toe ring or ‘Metti’ on the bride’s second toe of both feet.   The Metti is made of either silver or gold and is an integral part of the bridal jewelry.

CONTEXT

Informant: AA is a 50-year-old woman born in India and living in London, UK for the last 25 years.  She is my aunt. She is a General Physician practicing in London.

Interviewer: What happens during this ritual?

AA: During the Metti ritual, the groom ties the toe ring on the bride’s second toe of both feet. The groom’s sisters or female relatives also participate in the ritual by placing kumkum or vermillion powder on the bride’s feet.

Interviewer: What is the significance of this ritual?

AA: This ritual symbolizes the acceptance of the bride into the groom’s family and the groom’s commitment to protect and take care of the bride.

Interviewer: Are there any beliefs that metti has impacts on physical health?

AA: The toe ring is usually made of silver or gold, which is known for its healing and purifying properties. These properties are believed to be absorbed by the body through the toes, which are considered to be the nerve endings of the body.

Interviewer: Are there any beliefs that metti has impacts on women’s reproductive health?

AA: By tying the Metti, the groom is believed to be invoking the blessings of the divine mother and seeking her protection for the bride’s reproductive health.

Interviewer: How do you know all these?

AA: I have done this ritual during my wedding. Also, over the years, within our friends and family circle, I have attended more than 25 such rituals and learned this from elders, parents, and priests.    

ANALYSIS

The Metti has cultural and social significance.  In many South Indian communities, the Metti is considered to be a symbol of a married woman.  The Metti is also considered to be a symbol of love and commitment between the husband and wife.  It is believed in Indian tradition, that the second toe of the feet corresponds to the uterus and ovaries in women. The significance of Metti lies in its association with the well-being of the bride’s reproductive health. It is believed that the Metti helps regulate the menstrual cycle and prevent certain reproductive disorders.