Tag Archives: women

“For beauty, you must suffer.”

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Text:
When A was in high school and had pimples, her mother would pop them for her. Whenever A complained that it hurt, her mother would respond, “For beauty, you must suffer.”

Context:
The informant, A, recalls hearing this phrase frequently from her mother, especially during moments involving personal grooming that were physically uncomfortable, like popping pimples or plucking eyebrows. While A understood that her mother meant it lightheartedly, it also reflected a deeper, often unspoken expectation around beauty standards. A noted that this phrase extended beyond skincare. For example, her mother would say it when discussing the discomfort of wearing heels or shapewear like Spanx.

Analysis:
This phrase highlights how societal beauty standards, specifcally for women, are often tied to discomfort or even pain. The expectation is that beauty requires sacrifice, whether it’s enduring physical discomfort or investing significant time and effort. It reinforces the idea that beauty is an achievement rather than an inherent trait, one that must be worked for and maintained. The fact that the phrase was passed down from mother to daughter goes to show how these standards are often perpetuated within families, sometimes without conscious reflection. Ultimately, the saying reflects a broader cultural narrative about the price of fitting into conventional ideals of beauty.

Wolf of Wall Street’s got nothing on this…

Nationality: African American

Primary Language: English

Other language(s): French

Age: 65

Occupation: Management Consultant

Residence: Upstate, NY

Performance Date: 4/20/2025

Context: 

My informant, WB, is a family member of mine who lives in the Hudson Valley area of New York. For a while now, I’ve known WB to be quite amazing at spending money, teaching me over the course of my life the concept of not wasting money on things that won’t be intrinsic in some capacity, or I’d end up like ‘another man on the street.’ Now, I always wanted to know what they meant by ‘man on the street,’ and it turns out it wasn’t a saying, metaphorical expression, or proverb, it was a reference to a stereotype they hated, yet held dear: 

Text: 

“Men are better with money than women. Now I don’t believe that but it’s something I grew up hearing. I come from a matriarchal family of successful women who oversaw and currently still oversee the family finances and the family business. They have all fared well and have been given the respect of being good with finances by their male family members and spouses especially. I think that saying came from an attempt for men to control women, like historically. We can look back in history and see when a man married a woman, her riches became his to control. Specifically in the most recent history, Colonial America, who followed the laws of their mother country; husbands controlled the woman’s property!!!” 

Analysis: 

So, this piece reflects a common gender-based folk belief which operates more as a social myth or stereotype than a truthfully grounded in experience. Now what’s compelling here is how the informant challenges the saying from both a personal and historical perspective. They come from a matriarchal family, where women not only handle finances but have consistently done so with success and respect. That alone functions as a counter-example that refutes the original saying and exposes it as culturally constructed rather than inherently true. However, I’ve definitely heard of this stereotype in my own life too, and of course, being related to WB, I never believed it either. The informant then takes it a step further by providing some slight historical context that reveals how the proverb wasn’t just a reflection of beliefs at the time, but also a tool used to justify inequality. And of course, in my research, and general experience in American history courses, yes, this stereotype was used tangibly to oppress women in colonial times and even still now in the digital age. Sadly some things never change. Though what I find most powerful here is that WB doesn’t just dismiss the saying they expose its function as control and offer real evidence from their family to disprove it. This turns the proverb into a kind of anti-folklore, still resembling folklorism though, a saying that survives culturally, even when it’s contradicted by lived experience. It’s also a good example of how folklore can be deeply personal and political at the same time, and how challenging traditional sayings can be part of reclaiming cultural and historical agency.

The Undressing of Draupadi

Text:

Draupadi wanted to marry one of the 5 main brothers from the Mahabharatha, but another man, Duryodhana wants her to marry him instead. He proposes to her, but is refused. Upon this refusal, one of his brothers begins trying to rip Draupadi’s clothes off. Krishna sees this, and decides to save Draupadi by maker her clothing infinite. No matter how much cloth Duryodhana’s brother rips off of her, there is always more that she is still wearing. 

Context: 

This story is from the Mahabharatha, and is a plot point in the main storyline. An extremely simplified synopsis of the Mahabharatha is that it’s about the war between 5 brothers and 100 of their other brothers (Note that brother and cousin are essentially synonymous in this context). The “good guys” are the 5 brothers, and they eventually end up winning the war. 

This story is a simple lesson that one should respect women, and that to undress them is not okay.

Analysis:

In Indian culture, arranged marriages are a common practice, and the final decision on whether a marriage happens is given to the family as a whole, not the woman getting married. This story encourages respecting a woman’s desires for her marriage, even if the cultural norm or law doesn’t fully require it, and backs that up with a god taking the side of Draupadi. This makes even more sense to me that this story is found somewhat in opposition of the cultural norm when I remember that many tales come from being told by women as they do busywork. They used what ways they could to better how they were treated, and instilling good habits and respect in their children is a very powerful way to do so.

Discrete Ways Women Reference their Menstrual Cycle

Informant Context: The informant is a nineteen-year-old female undergraduate student at the University of Southern California (USC).

Conversation Transcript:

Collector: “Could you share an example of tabooistic vocabulary you’d use in everyday life? Any indirect way you might reference an inappropriate topic. For example, instead of saying ‘we had sex’ one might say ‘we got to fourth base’.”

Informant: “Right. So like a euphemism?”

Collector: “Exactly.”

Informant: “I have a few for when I get my period. I’ll say ‘Miss Flow came to town this week.’ (laughs) Have you ever heard that one before?”

Collector: (laughs) “No, I haven’t!”

Informant: “I’ve also heard some people say ‘Japan has invaded’, you know because of the flag and its colors.”

Analysis: It was interesting to learn the creative ways other women reference their menstrual cycles. During my conversation with the informant, we were constantly laughing. The tabooistic phrases were funny because they aim only to be understood by a specific folk group (women of the female sex) who can personally identify with the menstruation process. For instance, the word “flow” in the first phrase is commonly used among women to describe bleeding during a period. The Japanese invasion phrase was comical since the country’s flag has similar imagery to blood spotting on a white pad. As members of the target folk group, the informant and I enjoyed these tabooistic phrases about menstruation.

Saying: We’re All Girls Here

Nationality: American
Age: 18
Occupation: Student
Residence: Santa Barbara ,California, United states
Performance Date: 2-16-2023
Primary Language: English
Language: Spanish

Text:

“We’re all girls here”

Context:

The informant recounts that her old synchronized swim teacher would say this saying in response to young girls being afraid to change or be naked in the locker room. The intention as the informant remembers was to create a sense of solidarity and safety among the girls and to tell them that it was safe and not taboo to be naked in this space.

The informant also notes that she has brought this saying up with her boyfriend who has played football (and therefore, presumably been in many a men’s locker room). He was unfamiliar with the saying and did not recount a male equivalent to the phrase.

Analysis:

To me, this saying is an example of teaching or imposing gender on children. This phrase indicates a need to remind children of the gender systems around them. When children are young they are generally unaware of gender. when they go to school and exit their homes later in life they are introduced to gender and what that means for their lives. This saying informs young girls that around other girls and women it is safe and acceptable to be naked and show taboo body parts like genitals and secondary sexual characteristics. It also subtly indicates that it is unsafe or unacceptable to be naked around boys and men.

The fact that there was not a clear or memorable male equivalent saying indicates to me that boys and men are not held to the same standard of concealing their bodies. Nor are they taught of exposure being something dangerous.