Category Archives: Life cycle

Birthday Breakfast & Dinner Ritual

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K: “Okay so another one that we have is when it’s somebody’s birthday, in our family, uh, for- for breakfast, they would get a choice between, um, cinnamon rolls for breakfast or donuts for breakfast, like, specifically dunkin’ donuts or like the pillsbury cinnamon rolls that you would buy at the grocery store. And then every night for dinner they got to choose a place to eat out, or like, choose what we eat for dinner.”

Interviewer: “That’s awesome! Where did the food selections come from? Like, who kind of decided that those were the food selections?”

K: “I think my mom, uh, because cinnamon rolls for breakfast or donuts for breakfast, those are like- like a big deal in the house. Like, that’s not something we do, we would normally- I mean I don’t get really hungry around breakfast time, but whenever, like, whenever we would eat breakfast it would just be waffles or a bagel or like, a piece of you know, toast. So like making cinnamon rolls or ordering donuts is like a special occasion. They’re like special breakfast foods.”

Interviewer: “And for the choosing, um, where you wanna go for dinner, is that something that’s discussed beforehand or is it like, the person no matter what is like ‘we’re going here’?”

K: “It’s pretty much your choice. Like, whenever I choose dinner, I go to, um, Potbelly’s, which is this sandwich chain that started in like Chicago and they just got a couple in North Carolina. So I just- I choose there, and I mean, someone can not like it but you don’t really have a choice because it’s not your birthday, so everyone just has to go with whatever the um, the birthday person wants to do.”

Context
K is a current student at the University of Southern California. They spent most of their childhood in Chicago, Illinois before their family moved to North Carolina, where they currently live when not in school. In addition to birthday breakfasts, K stated that theri family would sometimes also have donuts after Mass and typically have cinnamon rolls for Christmas breakfast, which they thought contributed to the idea of these foods being for “big exciting occasions.” They also described that they would typically consider and eat these foods as dessert foods. For dinner, K added that their family goes to Potbelly’s outside of K’s birthday celebrations, but that they really like the food there. Now that they’re in college, K says they see it as an extra special opportunity, since they have a summer birthday and the Potbelly’s chain has no locations on the West Coast, where they go to school.

Analysis
Both K’s family’s breakfast and dinner birthday rituals seem to showcase some form of ritual inversion. In the case of breakfast, foods that are typically only had for dessert are instead the main focus of the meal in order to emphasize the special nature of the occasion. In the case of dinner, what restaurant to go to or what food to each, which would perhaps otherwise be a group or family decision, is handed over to the birthday person, attributing them extra power and special status on their birthday. This ritual seems to have taken on an added meaning for K now that they attend college on the West Coast; by almost always eating at Potbelly’s, a restaurant they enjoy, K is able to reaffirm their identity ties to Chicago and North Carolina.

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The ‘Joota Chupai’ ritual is a playful custom at Indian weddings where the bride’s female relatives, often sisters and cousins, spiritedly steal and secrete the groom’s shoes. This lighthearted heist is enacted during the ceremony when the groom is required to be barefoot, setting the stage for a spirited negotiation for their return.

Context:

Recounting the jovial antics from his brother’s wedding last year, my friend narrated the high-spirited ‘Joota Chupai’ episode. As tradition dictates, the bride’s kin seized the opportunity to hide the groom’s shoes, demanding a sizable ransom for their safe return. The situation escalated into a humorous turn of events at sundown when the need for a picturesque sunset photo session led the furious bride to intervene, overturning the ritual’s usual outcome and the groom’s shoes were returned without the customary financial exchange.

Analysis:

The ‘Joota Chupai’ ritual transcends the mere act of playful mischief; it is emblematic of the cultural fabric that interweaves familial bonds, societal expectations, and the negotiations between tradition and modernity. This practice, underscored by Deirdre Evans-Pritchard’s analysis of authenticity in cultural expressions, suggests a complex interplay between established customs and the evolving dynamics of contemporary weddings. While the ritual typically concludes with the groom acquiescing to the monetary demands, this narrative reveals an intriguing deviation. The bride’s insistence on retrieving the shoes to capture the perfect wedding moment underscores the adaptability of cultural traditions in the face of practical circumstances. It demonstrates a shift from the ritual’s traditional financial objective to prioritizing the aesthetic and emotional value of the wedding experience. This incident not only reflects the fluidity of cultural practices but also highlights how individual agency can redefine traditional roles and expectations. The negotiation process inherent in the ‘Joota Chupai’ serves not just as entertainment but as a microcosm of the give-and-take present in familial relationships, where cultural rituals are subject to reinterpretation in response to immediate personal and collective priorities.

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Within the Sindhi community, ‘Chetti Chand’ marks the celebration of the Sindhi New Year. On this auspicious day, it is customary for my friend’s family to wear white attire and practice vegetarianism, abstaining from meat for the entire 24-hour period.

Context:

During a conversation, my friend reflected on the annual tradition his family observes during ‘Chetti Chand.’ For the past decade, his family has enforced a strict ban on consuming chicken, urging him to avoid social outings and to dine at home instead. He recounted a memorable clash with his parents, sparked by their insistence on him wearing white clothing in adherence to the New Year’s customs, indicative of the tension that can arise when personal desires encounter cultural expectations.

Analysis:

The observance of ‘Chetti Chand’ in my friend’s Sindhi family is a vibrant example of religious folklore that intertwines personal purity with cultural renewal. Wearing white symbolizes a state of cleanliness and new beginnings, akin to the fresh start promised by a new year. The abstention from meat is a practice deeply rooted in many cultural traditions as a form of purification, reflecting Valdimar Tr. Hafstein’s notion of collective tradition. Here, the family unit serves as the custodian of cultural heritage, with practices such as these ensuring the transmission of values across generations. The resistance my friend exhibited towards changing into white attire speaks to the friction that can arise when modern individualistic tendencies meet the collective expectations of tradition. This tension is representative of the broader dialogue between contemporary personal identities and longstanding cultural practices. The familial insistence on observance points to the depth of cultural identity within the Sindhi community, and the importance of such rituals in reinforcing the communal fabric. The ritual here is not merely an act of refraining from certain foods or adopting a dress code but a reaffirmation of identity and belonging, symbolizing unity and continuity within the community, and illustrating the cultural significance embedded in seemingly simple acts.

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In a particular birthday tradition known as ‘birthday bumps,’ the individual celebrating a birthday is subjected to playful kicks and hits by friends, signifying their right to do so on this occasion.

Context:

My roommate’s recounting of birthdays spent at an all-boys boarding school painted a picture of both celebration and apprehension. The day would command a compulsory treat for all, paired with the ritualistic ‘birthday bumps.’ This tradition, seemingly harsh, was upheld even in the presence of authority figures who stood by, recognizing the practice as customary. Although the physical aspect of the ritual was moderated in his college years, the essence remained through symbolic gestures like a slap on the back or the more mirthful cake smashing.

Analysis:

The practice of ‘birthday bumps’ embodies a folk custom that acts as an informal rite of passage, echoing the trials one undergoes to enter a new phase of life. This ritual, while appearing merely as a form of entertainment or a test of endurance, carries deeper cultural and personal significance. It is a manifestation of the community’s acknowledgment of an individual’s transition into a new year of life, as well as a reinforcement of social bonds through shared, albeit challenging, experiences. Ray Cashman’s research into visual displays of identity in Irish nationalism suggests that such customs function similarly, where actions and symbols serve to reaffirm connections within a community. The physicality of ‘birthday bumps’ is a tangible expression of this social fabric, a collective embrace through playful yet ritualized aggression. Furthermore, it reflects the implicit understanding and acceptance of certain levels of discomfort in the service of tradition, paralleling other cultural practices where symbolic actions are believed to confer blessings or good luck. This tradition encapsulates the juxtaposition of individual endurance and communal celebration, uniting the group in a singular, memorable moment that marks personal growth and social continuity.

Family Reunion (life cycle celebration)

“Growing up [my family and I] always went to [our family reunion]. We usually met in a church. Mom’s dad and all his brother’s and sisters, and all of us, we’d gather to eat and see each other – fried chicken, cream corn, corn bread, green beans, etc. We’d all just catch up and [my mom] and her sisters would sing for everyone – something folky – and then we’d take pictures. So me and granddad and grandma and mom and dad and me and my brothers, and all my first and second cousins were all in one picture, and then other sides or groups of thee family would take their own.”

My informant told me all about the family reunions he attended annually as he was growing up. He doesn’t attend them anymore, as many of those family members have passed away or become busy with their own families.

When I asked him what the reunion meant to him-

“We did it every year, in the summer – usually August. It was nice out, it was nice to see each other. We’re usually all scattered about. I love my family, I like talking to them, catching up with them.”

He is from North Carolina, part of the southern United States, he recounts, but couldn’t specify folk music shared among his family, and the food he described distinctly stuck out as traditional southern comfort food. As his family is not normally all together is this larger collective, it must feel quite nostalgic to come together and share these songs and classic food together.

He also speaks about the photos they always took, and though he didn’t speak on this himself, I wonder about how each picture changes through every passing year and how the image of their family dynamics change. It sounds like his family, whether it is intentional or not, were preserving this knowledge and part of their families history through photography.