Tag Archives: marriage

Generational Fire

CONTEXT: DM is a current USC student who attended a North Carolina Christian sleep-away camp in the summer of 2011. This is a story that she heard from an elderly woman named Libby. Libby had been raised at the camp, was head of camp for a number of years, and taught Bible Study and Devotional at the camp. DM interprets this story as a personal story based on the region of North Carolina that Libby was from. Different from many of Libby’s other stories, DM does not believe this was explicitly religious in theme.

TEXT:
This was a story that was said to be sort of local, in the area where I went to this summer camp. It was said to be from a long, long time ago, but in these same hills. Like, back when white people, I guess, first came to these hills. And it’s a story about this tiny village and there are these two young people – this young couple – that falls in love and decides to get married. The boy was learning new skills and working overtime so he could afford to buy the things, like the wedding dress and buy the food for the feast, and have a pig ready when the time comes, so they could kill it and roast it and give it to everybody. He was making all these preparations to get his own stuff and learn how to build a cabin because their dream was to go off into the woods and go away together and build a cabin in the woods. She was bartering things so she could get the best white wool to spin her dress with and she spent months and months sewing
her dress together so it would be perfect. The day comes and everything goes wonderfully, and they get sent off into the woods and basically pack up their two backpacks worth of belongings and set off into the woods together. Their first night in the woods they’re along and cold but they were together, and they were so, so happy. And he chops up some wood and builds a fire for her as his first gift of their marriage. They sleep next to the fire and the warmth from the fire and the warmth from their love is what kept them warm. So, the next morning, when they got up to leave to go find a place to build their cabin, the husband scooped up all of the live coals and put them in this pot that he was gifted – this cast iron pot. And she carried around the ashes and coals from the fire all day, and then as soon as they got where they were going, he would start a fire with these coals and then would continue on like that. And the story is for five generations somewhere in the Appalachian Mountains this fire has been kept going by their daughters, their daughters’ daughters, their daughters’ daughters’ daughters, and they keep this one fire going with the original coals and ashes from the people who found this new place to settle down.

ANALYSIS: This story uses a common symbol of embers/coals/fire as a representation of love. If the love of the young couple is represented in this way, both the relationship and the fire are undying, resulting in new fires, and generations of children. The couple nurtures the fire together, with the husband building the fire and collecting the coals, and the wife nurturing the coals during the day as they walked. This could be representative of the life they built together, lasting long after they were gone. The foundational fire and foundational love that they had set them up for future success in their posterity and survival of the fire itself.

月老紅線 Red Thread from the God of Love

Background:
The informant is a 21-year-old woman who lives in Taiwan. She went to a temple and asked the God of Love for a red thread to stop bad relationships from happening. The interview was conducted through a video call.

Text:
Collector: Can you tell me more about the red thread from the God of Love?

Informant: Yeah, of course. The red thread from the God of Love represents the marriage that is meant to be in your destiny. In our culture, there’s this idea of 緣分 [yuan fen] which is roughly the idea of fate in terms of love and marriage. It’s often described as an invisible string that connects two people who belong to each other. The red thread represents the right 緣分, and it will stop other bad or just not meant to be relationships from happening. 

Collector: How do you get a red thread from the God of Love?

Informant: You have to ask for one from the God of Love 月老 [yue lao]. You bring sweet snacks to the temple and put them in front of the altar. You take these things called 筊 [jiao] which are two red moon-shaped wooden pieces that can indicate what the gods and goddesses trying to say. You list out what you are looking for in your future partner and toss the pieces. If you get yes 3 times consecutively, you can get a red thread from the God of Love. I got mine from one of the biggest temples in the city. Your parents can ask for one for you as well, but you should only have one with you at all times. If you own more than one, the old one needs to be burnt in the furnace in the temple after you get permission from the God of Love. 

Collector: What do you do with the thread you have?

Informant: They used to say that you should tie it on your wrist. However, the staff in the temple told me to keep mine in my wallet and make sure I look at it often. She said don’t tie it because it would mean that there will be 結 ([jie]; knots) which represent 劫 ([jie]; obstacles or disasters).

Collector: Will anything happen when you find the right person?

Informant: When they used to tie it on the wrist, they said that it would break and fall when you find the right person. But I don’t think this is the case anymore. What I’ve heard is that you will lose the tread somehow. 

Analysis:
The religious life in Taiwan is mostly a mixture of Buddhism and Taoism. Though the God of Love 月老 mentioned by the informant is a Taoist god, the practice of asking for a red thread is a part of vernacular religion. People who would want to go through the process of earning a red thread are often feeling lost or frustrated about their dating life. The red thread acts as a guiding light in their search for their happily ever after or reassurance from a higher being that the owner’s love life is being taken care of. Owning a red thread is homeopathic magic because it symbolizes the invisible string that connects one to the right person. Jiao bei, sometimes called moon blocks, which are the red wooden indicative pieces are really amusing in the sense that the sign from gods is quite straightforward. It is also worth noting that the name 月老 or the full-name 月下老人 means the old man under the moon (Full moon), this ties back to the common connection of full moon and fertility since the god is mainly in charge of marriage.

Irish Marriage Proposal Tradition — The Sheep Rug

Text

MB recently went on a trip to the Irish island of Inisheer, where she met a local man named Kevin at a bar.

“We went outside for a cigarette and he proposed to me. Like legitimately got on one knee and had his grandmother’s ring. I was so confused and I didn’t know what to do, so I took the ring and just didn’t reply.

“The next day I was like, ‘I need to return this ring.’ I went back to the bar because no one has like any form of communication. And I was like, ‘When does Kevin come?’ And they’re like, ‘Oh, he’ll be here after work.’ So I hung out until Kevin showed up. And then I was like, ‘Look, I can’t marry you. Here’s your ring back.’

“Kevin was like, ‘Oh, no, no, no, wait. I owe you a sheep. Do you want a sheep?’ I was like, ‘What do you mean? I’m leaving tomorrow. What am I supposed to do with a sheep?’ And he was like, ‘No, no. In Inisheer tradition, when you propose, you’re supposed to give a sheep as your proposal gift.’ I was like, ‘What do I do with a sheep? What do you expect me to do with that?’

“Kevin said sometimes people turn the sheep into a rug, so I was like, ‘Oh, okay. I’ll take a sheep rug, I guess.’ And I wrote down my address on a little piece of paper.

“I thought it was hilarious because I was not expecting to get an actual sheep rug in the mail from Kevin. But low and behold, two weeks after getting back to L.A., a box showed up with this sheep rug. It’s gorgeous. So yes, I did, in fact, get an engagement sheep rug from Kevin, the rubbish collector.

Context

MB is a 20 year-old college student from New Jersey currently living in Los Angeles. She has traveled extensively and was in Ireland to film a documentary when this proposal occurred.

While she was not familiar with this specific Inisheer tradition, MB said she had heard of similar customs in other cultures. “It’s a tradition to present the woman with something that would appeal. So I feel like I had seen it, but I didn’t know that was an Irish thing.

“But this island also is super traditional, so it wasn’t super surprising. For context, the island is very small. Not a lot of technology. It’s a tourist destination now, but year-round, I think less than a hundred people live there. It’s all farmland. The only things that people do are own a shop or work on a farm or work on the ferry that runs to the mainland. So it’s very traditional. They all know each other, so there’s no need to text. They just go to the same place at the pub and knock on each other’s doors.

MB said she plans to keep the sheep rug for a long time and keep telling this story for the rest of her life. “I cherish this sheep rug so much. I think it’s the best souvenir I could ever receive.

She also admitted that sometimes she feels like she insulted Irish marriage tradition, even though Kevin was very insistent. “Obviously, because I was doing the documentary, I wanted to talk to people and actually get to know the culture. But I did not expect to be proposed to. And coming in and then leaving … I don’t know. But he really didn’t give me an option. And who am I to turn down a sheep rug? That sounds awesome.”

Analysis

Marriage is one of the most celebrated life milestones across cultures. Historically, marriage is what brings two families together, establishing kinship networks and serving to reproduce not only life but culture. Thus, as one of the most important societal rituals that transforms identity, marriage is surrounded by many traditions, including those related to the engagement as MB experienced.

MB was told that she would be given an older sheep. It is unclear to her whether the sheep rug she received was already made at the time of the proposal, so there is no way of knowing much about the sheep it came from. Nonetheless, it is interesting that she was not given a young sheep to symbolize fertility, which is an important theme across diverse wedding traditions. Giza Roheim’s research, “Wedding Ceremonies in European Folklore,” explores other iterations of such themes.

Ultimately, Kevin’s insistence in giving her the sheep speaks to the immense power of ritual. Even though MB declined the marriage proposal, he insisted on following through with the whole proposal ritual. This demonstrates the belief that rituals must be performed correctly and in their entirety, or else the occasion loses its transformative power. In Kevin’s case, it is possible that he believed a failure to follow through on the engagement ritual would give him bad luck with future proposals, or alternatively, not release him from his commitment to MB. Whatever the reason, it is clear that he was acting under the weight of ritual obligation, rather than reason.

Marrying in Sunshowers

Nationality: American
Age: 19
Occupation: Student
Residence: Los Angeles
Performance Date: 2/18/2023
Primary Language: English

Text:

“When it’s sunny but there’s rain outside, that means the lion is getting married.”

Context:

PK is a 19-year old USC freshman who lived in Upstate New York. During a car ride to his local grocery store, he remembers the presence of rain and sunshine outside the window. Although he didn’t really understand what his mother meant, he embraced the saying and held it with him throughout his childhood. He predisposes that it means “something about finding happiness and joy alongside certain milestones in life.”

Analysis:

Especially when there are language barriers that detach one from their culture, certain sayings and proverbs appear to hold an even more abstract, metaphorical ambience that adds a more sacred, fantastical aura to the proverb. After searching for the influence of sun and rain in folklore, I’ve discovered that there seems to be a beautiful intermingling between joy and sadness, which reveals the ambivalence and complexities of life itself. Rather than attempting to rationalize the bizarre, folklore embraces it and makes it understandable. In fact, in various cultures, “sunshowers” are often linked to animals, particularly clever trickster animals, getting married or giving birth. This may be connected to the rain being a contradiction to the natural order. This attachment to nature–through rain, sunlight, and animals–is prevalent in many variants of folklore, and there is always a strive towards harmony among these dynamic elements. Perhaps as a way to explain seemingly magical phenomena, people seek their culture’s significant animals to create a more tangible reasoning. Especially to justify incongruities and inconsistencies in nature, folklore enables us to provide an explanation in order to restore a sense of ease and balance with our world.

Wife Joke

This, uh, lady was asking her-her husband that, uh, “which one do you like more, do you love more? A pretty woman or an educated woman?” And he says …“none of them, I love you”. (laughter) 

Context:

The speaker was sharing a joke to their family after everyone was each sharing a joke they thought was funny. As the speaker spoke, they paused at the end, making sure there was an emphasis on the punchline. 

Personal Thoughts:

This is a very interesting joke to dissect, as it not only is structured in a way to have a humorous punchline, but it also can be used to understand gender roles. The structure itself leads up to the punchline in a way that subverts audience expectations. Rather than the husband picking between the two, he essentially chooses neither, which leads him to imply that his wife is neither pretty nor educated. What this does, is also reveal how gender norms are regarded with this joke. In this case, the wife asking if her husband prefers beauty or education shows that there is a pressure for women to be one or the other, and that men may have a preference. By the husband responding that his wife is neither, it is essentially making a point that the wife did not achieve either goal that society places on her, meaning that she would not be seen as the “ideal” wife in Western culture. That being said, an optimistic view of this joke could interpret that the husband does not care for either and his wife is someone special to him. However, by looking at the sexist gender roles placed in this joke, it is making a point about what Western society views as important for women to have, and to not have that makes them a “joke”, as shown by this specific joke.