Tag Archives: Wedding Rituals

No Marriage After Death

‘It is a Hindu custom (based on what my mom says) that you are not supposed to get married within a year of death of a close family member. That is a time of mourning. Also, after one year, you basically have another funeral called the Last Rites. When my dad’s mom died my parents couldn’t get married that year even though they met 10 months after she died and were engaged.’ -HP

While HP has never had to partake in this custom, she recognizes that it is an important custom of Hindu culture. She believes that it brings unity to the family before bringing in someone new. This custom is centuries old in Hindu faith.

My first impression of this custom was surprise at how the Hindu community respects and remembers loved ones that have passed and allow a period of mourning. Refraining from such celebrations, like a wedding, allows those involved to grieve and truly acknowledge the loved one who passed away. I think that this is a very sensitive and beautiful way to show honor to the departed, as they refrain from any activities that may take away from the impact the person had. Additionally, the celebration of the Last Rites practice, being common in Hindu tradition a year after death, feels like a final remembrance and closure for all. These customs are from traditional beliefs, many of which probably sprouted from folk practices throughout the history of India and Hindu culture. Folklore also encompasses cultures and beliefs, sharing this in common with these customs. It is also evident that HP and her family learned these rituals from ancestral sources; practices that have been learned, taught, and passed down through generations, just as folklore is known for.

A Bengali Wedding Tradition

Text: “So in Bengali or Bangladeshi culture, yellow and red are really significant colors. Their significance is exemplified through the ways in which the colors appear in important moments in life, such as how brides usually wear red for their wedding ceremonies. During the Gaye Holud ceremony – one of the many wedding traditions for Bengalis that typically occurs a week or two before the wedding reception – the bride’s and groom’s family and friends create a paste out of turmeric which they then put on the bride’s and groom’s bodies. This is thought of as a way to ward off the evil eye and promote blessings, good fortune, and prosperity for the couple that is soon to be married.”

Context: My informant – a 20-year-old woman from San Diego, California – explained this wedding ritual to me which she said is a very important part of her culture. Her family has cultural and ethnic ties to Bangladesh, and she learned this wedding practice from her family as she has seen it done before every wedding that occurs between a couple who have a connection to the culture. She said that she herself isn’t entirely sure how much she believes in the evil eye and bad spirits, but she feels that the ritual is something that is very important to her identity in the sense that it is something that has been generational in her family. She explained to me that this was something her parents had done before their wedding along with her grandparents and her great-grandparents, and that the ritual serves as a sort of unifying tradition that has been maintained throughout every generation.

Analysis: The significance of colors and rituals in Bengali or Bangladeshi wedding ceremonies reveals the enduring cultural traditions and values deeply rooted in this heritage. The use of yellow and red, especially in pivotal life events like weddings, holds profound symbolic meanings within Bengali culture. The Gaye Holud ceremony, where turmeric paste is applied to the bodies of the bride and groom, serves as a protective ritual believed to ward off the evil eye and invite blessings, prosperity, and good fortune for the couple. This practice reflects a cultural belief in spiritual protection and the importance of invoking positive energies during important life transitions.

My informant’s perspective highlights the intergenerational continuity of this tradition within her family. Despite personal skepticism about the supernatural aspects associated with the ritual, my informant cherishes the ceremony as a foundational aspect of her cultural identity. This ritual’s transmission across generations underscores its role as a unifying force that connects family members through shared heritage and tradition. This folklore embodies broader cultural values of familial continuity, collective identity, and the preservation of ancestral customs. The enduring practice of the Gaye Holud ceremony across generations exemplifies cultural resilience and a deep-rooted attachment to customs that define Bengali identity.

Blocking the Groom

Informant AM is a graduate student from San Jose California, whose family is originally from Ethiopia. There is a strong Ethiopian diasporic community in San Jose, where much of its traditions live on.

Text:

“The morning before the reception, the groom and his family members accompany him to go pick up the bride. But, at the door, the bride’s family is blocking them. They’re role playing — that’s what it seems like. I’m like, ‘Didn’t y’all agree to this?’ I don’t know why it became a tradition. Every single Ethiopian wedding I’ve been to has done it.”

Context:

Informant AM witnessed this tradition in primarily Ethiopian Orthodox Christian weddings. Ethiopia is a country with 36 million Orthodox Christians as of 2017, according to the Pew Research Center (Diamant). The Orthodox Christian religion places an emphasis on sexual purity in women, with the most apparent example being the veneration of the Virgin Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus Christ.

Analysis:

In “Wedding Ceremonies in European Folklore,” Hungarian folklorist Géza Róheim gives several examples of similar wedding traditions where the families of the bride and groom role-play a situation with a barrier, such as a Slovak wedding tradition where the groom’s family attempts to stela the bride’s bed. Róheim proposes that this cluster of traditions, collectively termed, “The Barrier,” are a means of giving meaning to the liminal nature of a wedding, especially in the case of the woman transitioning into sexual maturity. The custom of blocking the groom similarly reflects the importance of sexual maturity, especially to Orthodox Christians.

Works Cited:

Róheim, Géza. “Wedding Ceremonies in European Folklore.” International Folkloristics Classic Contributions by the Founders of Folklore, Rowman & Littlefield, 1999, pp. 197–230.

Diamant, Jeff. “Ethiopia Is an Outlier in the Orthodox Christian World.” Pew Research Center, Pew Research Center, 17 Aug. 2020, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2017/11/28/ethiopia-is-an-outlier-in-the-orthodox-christian-world/#:~:text=Ethiopia%20is%20an%20outlier%20in%20the%20Orthodox%20Christian%20world&text=The%20country%20in%20the%20Horn,largest%20Orthodox%20population%20after%20Russia. 

Donna Maria’s Enchanted Gardens (Sawfar)

Nationality: Lebanese
Age: 68
Occupation: Seamstress
Residence: Lebanon
Performance Date: April 4, 2023
Primary Language: Arabic
Language: English

My informant is a family member in Lebanon that has lived in the mountains for her entire life which plays a large role in this important narrative that has “become part of her identity forever.”

Narrative:

Wedding at Donna Maria Sursock Gardens

My informant states that they “lived in a village named Sawfar, far into the mountains of Lebanon. Although, it wasn’t different to many other villages, on top of our mountain stood a castle that belonged to our beloved Donna Maria.” The woman who was known to be “the most generous and beautiful of all” lived in a small castle built by her husband, Albert to live out her fairytale dreams. However, after the passing or disappearance of the family for some unknown reason, the castle was “torn apart by the militia in 1975 and left in ruins.” My informant describes her childhood on the open castle grounds as magical and “some of the best moments of [her] life” even in it’s fractured state. After many years, weddings had begun to take place in the castle gardens and some describe “seeing Donna peering from the balcony, sending her wishes to the newlyweds and then it became a tradition, blessing each couple that keeps her memory alive.” The music of the weddings “erupted through the valleys, filling the mountains with the magic of Donna’s castle” However, the informant describes playing in the grounds once as a child and revealing part of the house that had been covered, “it was a dungeon filled with unknown bones. Nobody had known until [she] found it and it became a horror, even Donna may have had a darkness to her and skeletons in her basement”. 

Context:

She states that this became known to the entire village but the weddings never stopped, because it would tamper the ‘magic’ that Donna had given them. Her story and castle history was passed on for generations as children were even brought to learn about Donna and her past as “she is a vital part of Sawfar history” It has become an integral part of her family history and her children’s lives as she says “even though I never met Donna, her descendants and their ground are a big part of my upbringing in making me the person I am today” The castle is not only grounds for the descendants of Donna Maria but the rest of the village to enjoy and pass the joy that the bricks and gardens brought to others.

Analysis:

The narrative that my informant presents seems to be a pivotal part of her upbringing in the village as she had lived through most of the experiences at the Donna Maria castle. The element of the fairytale castle on top of the mountain allowed Donna and her family to thrive and incorporated that into the village. When the story was described, the informant said she passed it on to her children and brought them to the castle grounds to experience it. This allows the children to gain a sense of what their heritage is and a glamorized version of a story such as a castle encourages the learning of their culture and gain a patriotic view of their country and specifically the village. Adults are able to have a stable grounding in their village, even in unfortunate circumstances such as wars and attacks on their homes, they are able to look to the withered castle, with so much mixed history, and see it still standing. The castle represents the hope of what their village was, what it still is and what it will continue to be as the beauty of the story and the gardens is presented to residents of the village, their descendants and tourists who hope to see the history of what brought this village together. The ‘ghost’ of Donna Maria symbolises the blessing of eternal life, especially for married couples and children that still have growth to come as they not only learn about her beauty but also the dungeons that lie beneath her gardens. At times when married women struggled with events in their lives, they regret not getting married at the blessed grounds and being led by Donna who seems to have been viewed not only as a privileged woman but a queen atop the village that was a guiding light in the darkness of wars in Lebanon. Even after all the trials and tribulations that the entire country experienced, Donna’s damaged castle stood as a landmark in the people’s hearts and identities.

Traditional Taiwanese Engagement and Wedding Customs – Folk Ritual

Nationality: Taiwanese
Age: 60+
Occupation: Retired
Performance Date: 4/29/2023
Language: Taiwanese

1. Text

Interview transcription:

When asked to share a traditional Taiwanese custom, the informant shared the following Taiwanese wedding tradition.

The interview was conducted in a mix of Mandarin and Taiwanese. It has been translated below into English and organized in the order performed into categories for ease of comprehension.

Pt 1. Engagement Customs

a) Intro:

“In Taiwanese culture, weddings happen like this. The parents of the bride and the groom meet, they usually have a meal together in a hotel. They then decide that the bride and groom shall get engaged. The engagement celebration, or *訂婚 (*phonetics “Ding Hun”; transliterated as “set marriage”), is hosted by the bride’s family. The bride’s family determines how many tables need to be set up, who to invite, which are usually the parents of the bride and groom, as well as the elders of both families such as the grandparents or other older relatives.”

b) Crackers:

“There is a saying that goes “*甲查某子 換大餅” (*a rhythmic phrase in Taiwanese which is translated to “marry off your daughter, get a big cracker”). This is because the groom’s family orders big round traditional Chinese/Taiwanese crackers called *喜餅 (*Mandarin word read as “Xi Bing”; transliterated as “Happiness Cake”) that is given to the bride’s family and relatives. There are also *小餅 (*small crackers that are usually Western cookies in a tin box).

c) Gifts:

“In the old days, there is a tradition of the bride’s family preparing *擺下 (*transliterating what I heard as a Taiwanese phrase to Mandarin, should mean a “gift set” in English) where 12 or 24 items are carefully selected and given to the groom’s family along with the bride. Some examples of things that can be in the set are pig feet meat tied with a red ribbon, cooked abalone, and a Western suit set for the groom, including pants, socks and shoes. Although people now simplified the suit giving tradition to giving the groom money to pick his own suit.”

“From the groom’s mother, called *婆婆 (*phonetics “po po”; translation “mother-in-law”), traditionally *品禮 (*Taiwanese word transliterated to Mandarin, means “proper gift”) is given to the bride. It is a box that contains a set of gold jewelry passed down from the mother-in-law to the bride.”

Pt 2. Wedding Customs

a) Intro

“Yes while the engagement is hosted by the bride’s family, the wedding is hosted by the groom’s family. The celebration is called a *喜宴 (*Mandarin word read as “Xi Yian”; transliterated as “Happiness Banquet”; translated as “wedding banquet”). It is usually held in hotels.”

“Recently because of Covid there has been very few wedding banquets. But after Covid restrictions are gone, people will hold their banquets like before.”

b) Traditional Wedding

When asked to recount the informant’s own wedding, the informant responded with the following:

“In the old days weddings were very traditional and over-the-top. When the bride is wed into the groom’s family, there would be a truck that carries all of the bride’s furniture, such as her dressing table, to the groom’s house.”

“There would be someone called the *媒人 (*Mandarin word read as “Mei Ren”), which is someone who holds the bride’s hand as she walks from her home to the groom’s home. There would also be another person who is usually someone that is higher aged, and is known to have a lot of *福氣(*Taiwanese word transliterated to Mandarin, read in Taiwanese as “Hou Ki”, means “luck/fortune”) to hold the bride’s hand and walk her to the groom’s house.”

c) Registering Marriage

When asked about how registering worked, the informant responded:

“Registering marriage is a separate thing from the engagement and wedding tradition. Couples can register whenever they want and it is very easy to do so at the local government building.”

2. Context

Informant relation to the piece:

The informant is a Taiwanese person of the more elderly generation who has lived in Taiwan their whole life. They recounted the piece from their memory having experienced many Taiwanese weddings in Taiwan.

Informant interpretation of the piece:

They interpret the rituals as a tradition that has been passed down through generations in Taiwan but is also changing due to modernization. They look back at old rituals with nostalgia and a sense of humor. They feel proud sharing Taiwanese traditional customs.

3. Analysis

In traditional Taiwanese culture, parents and the older generation members of the family play a huge role in the engagements and marriages of their sons and daughters. This tradition could have developed from ancient Chinese society where marriage decided whether a family prospered or not, therefore a great amount of care and control is exercised over the marriable children of the family. In addition, families also used marriage as a tool to gain status or riches, whereas royal families would use marriage to make peace with other nations as tools of warfare. Therefore, there is this longstanding tradition of the parents deciding spouses and planning marriage for the children. This is reflected in the Taiwanese engagement and wedding ritual collected above as the parents are present throughout the ritual and hold a great amount of power in the rituals, preparing gifts and hosting banquets. This ritual has a profound impact on how Taiwanese people view marriage. Young people may find themselves feeling suppressed by the marriage expectations of their parents or elders who hold such an important role in the marriage rituals, therefore when considering potential spouses the preference of the parents or elders in the family is often a huge factor that influences their decisions. If young people do choose to engage and marry someone without the blessing of the older generations, it would be difficult for them to perform the Taiwanese engagement and wedding ritual as they would be missing important people who are part of the ceremony. This is not to say that marriages are all traditional in Taiwan, in fact, Taiwan is the very first Asian country to legalize gay marriage. Therefore the ritual is able to be performed in non-traditional contexts. This suggests that it is not the ritual that is creating the rigid framework for marriage but rather the perspective of the parents and older generations, which if changed, can make this marriage ritual a celebratory one rather than controlling.